EVW2K8 (aka East vs. West)

The Case For LeBron

2010-02-25T18:48:00.001-08:00

There's so much speculation surrounding the potential future of LeBron James, most of it swirling around the Knicks and their ability to offer two max deals this offseason and the Cavs and the quality "known" that the King has in his hometown. I'm here to give my take on why he stays and why he goes. In the end, no question my heart is with the Knicks, so I can't promise to be completely unbiased, but I'm going to give it my best shot.

LeBron Stays

If you see any poll, formal or informal, be it a poll of fans, coaches, players, or GMs, the consensus by about 65-35 is that LeBron will stay in Cleveland. The Vegas line has seen some fluctuation over the months, but I saw somewhere recently that New York is in 2nd place at +300 (whatever that means) and Cleveland remains the prohibitive favorite at -170, or something to that effect. The New York mark was a significant improvement over past lines, and still the difference is fairly stark. So, to begin, it seems everyone but hopeful Knick fans thinks LeBron is a Cavalier.

Make no mistake, somewhere in that mix of information is a lot of emotion. New Yorkers are rabid for Lebron and probably aren't completely rational. New York haters, of whom there are many, are likewise blinded by their feelings. Then there are the Jets fans that also "support" the Knicks. They bring a defeatist attitude to their fandom that has convinced them that Walsh is a moron, D'Antoni is a terrible coach, and that we're doomed to overpaying for Rudy Gay.

Extracting anything meaningful from the endless speculation from all corners of the sports world is tough, but there are some arguments to be made. It's easy to start with "Lebron Stays" since the general sentiment is that he will.

1. He's on a great team.

At the moment, the Cavs are 44-14 and hold the best record in the league. LeBron has the best chance to win it all that he's ever had before and he's been with this core group of teammates long enough that the chemistry fits. That's hard to measure. The Jordan Bulls had the same starting lineup for years before they made it all happen and beat the Pistons. It doesn't happen overnight. Were he to leave, he'd be starting over from scratch and there's no guarantee he'd ever find this chemistry again. Of course, winning a title is the goal and the closer he gets, the more likely it seems he'd be a fool to give it all up.

2. He can get paid more to stay in Cleveland.

The money for the first six years of any deal, anywhere, is close. Even with the Cavs having an advantage in the amount they can pay over that span, the money isn't all that different. The seventh year that the Cavs can offer is the big catch. A seventh year guaranteed is a big fish hook for a home team. Nobody likes to leave guaranteed money on the table. There's a built-in incentive for players to remain with their clubs, and LeBron is no exception.

3. He's home.

The King grew up in Akron. He's playing in front of his home town fans. Winning a title in front of them would cement what's already an amazing legacy in Ohio. New Yorkers might scoff at the notion that being a big fish in a small pond is attractive, but that's only if the pond seems small to the fish. It's tough for a New Yorker to look at the world from anything other than the perspective of the big pond. Everything else is small by comparison and so there are a lot of assumptions made from that perspective that many not hold true. I'm not sure how small a pond LeBron thinks he's in. He's on TV every night, he's in tons of ads, he has his likeness on buildings, and there's nowhere on Earth he can go without a good chance that he'll be recognized. In addition to his great skill, Nike did that for him. In Cleveland.

4. Loyalty

The people in the Cavs organization, the teammates, the fans, the local grocery clerk, his teachers and peers all invested a lot in him to help him reach where he is today. It would be supremely callous and selfish to not understand that. Yes, we all know that sports is a business, and we're reminded of that at every trade deadline and in every offseason. Still, when things are good, money is in your pocket, and people love you, it's easy to focus on loyalty. It's only when things suck and you hate life that you might play cost-benefit with your loyalty and your desire to head for greener pastures. It would be honorable, loyal, and graceful for LeBron to stay in Cleveland and spend his entire career fighting for multiple championships alongside all those people.

LeBron Goes

It's easy to see from the above points why LeBron staying in Cleveland seems so likely. As a Knick fan I can easily find reasons why I think he'd want to play in New York. It's part of that big pond mindset that I described earlier. I'll attempt to stick to more reasonable logic, but I suspect that anyone reading this might have feelings about my success or failure, regardless.

1. His team is in decline.

It's a bit hard to say that with a straight face while the Cavs are the best team in the league. The thing is, provided LeBron isn't thinking about signing another 2-3 year deal, long term the Cavs have problems. Until the 2012 offseason, the Cavs have little cap room to maneuver. Until the 2013 season, they will only have the ability to sign a mid-level player to compliment James. That means, aside from Mo Williams, who's in his prime, the Cavs will be paying for Antawn Jamison's 35 and 36-year old seasons at top dollar, Anderson Varejao at about $9 million a year into his mid-30s, plus Daniel Gibson and JJ Hickson. If you give LeBron a max deal, you're left trying to lure some future FA to play with him several years down the road.

Right now, Shaq is 38 and on his last legs. He won't be back. Without him, the Cavs are $10 million over the cap next season. With him, they have even less flexibility and can't guarantee he'll even be able to take the court one night to the next. I wrote that this team has chemistry and it fits, but signing a long term deal with Cleveland risks some very uncertain times in just a few short years. The club will have to make a choice on whether or not to re-sign Mo Williams for his decline years. The trio of Varejao, Gibson, and Hickson will have to develop into bigger players on the club. If they don't, you'll either replace them with some as yet unknown or roll with them and hope LeBron can keep dragging them along. What free agents will be available in 2012 or 2013? How much competition will there be to sign them? That's a lot of uncertainty.

In contrast, the Knicks have a chance to pair LeBron with, say, Chris Bosh. I won't dive too deeply into who the Knicks can get to ride shotgun with LeBron, but I'll just use Bosh as a placeholder for the sake of argument. With a nucleus of LeBron, Bosh, Wilson Chandler, and Danilo Gallinari, the Knicks can start a good young nucleus of players. Chandler and Gallinari will both be in their mid-20s several years from now and improving. Bosh would still be in his prime as well. What's more, Eddy Curry's expiring contract in 2011 gives the Knicks even more room to splash on a decent player or two.

If T-Mac has anything left, and he'd be willing to play for less money (short term, anyway), you could use some of Curry's money to re-sign him via the team's Bird Rights and still grab another decent role player. LeBron, Bosh, McGrady, Gallinari, and Chandler, plues change...

Yes, LeBron has a better chance to win a title if he stays in Cleveland. That is, he has a better chance in the very short term. To be precise, he has 2009-2010, 2010-2011, and maybe 2011-2012 if everything were to break right. This year is his best chance to win it all in Cleveland and beyond lies only doubt. New York, on the other hand, could potentially give him a great shot to win for the remainder of his career.

2. He can get paid more in off court money.

A lot of reports suggest that LeBron couldn't make more money in New York than he can already make in Cleveland. I suspect that there's some kernel of truth to that. LeBron is a global brand and already makes top endorsement dollar. Do I think it's worth extra money to Madison Avenue to have LeBron in New York? Yes. How much? Tough to say, but I'm betting they'll pay him to find out. Since the retirement of Michael Jordan a lot of bad has happened to endorsement money for companies. MJ was revenue magic for companies trying to sell products, and for the TV ratings in general. Since his retirement, things have fallen on a number of players. Kobe and his champion Lakers have received their fair amount of attention and money, but Kobe's rape situation and his general lack of likability, have prevented him in cashing in the way Jordan once did. Tiger Woods got some high end bucks, but his recent scandal has put an end to that. Baseball lacks a marquee personality to pin things on. Pujols is the best player, but is hardly a big draw. A-Rod is too....A-Rod. Jeter is about as close as it gets, but he's just not that transcendent talent that makes people watch his every move. (Except when it comes to girlfriends.) Football has Peyton Manning. 'Nuff said.

There's LeBron James. His Cavs made the Finals in 2007 and were swept by the Spurs. At the time, that series was the lowest rated Finals in the history of the NBA. He has tons of endorsements and stands to get more with the Tiger Woods fiasco in full bloom. In steps New York City and the stage at Madison Square Garden. Nike would be fools to support LeBron staying in Cleveland. Either way they'll get a good return on their investment with him, but the potential is maxed out in Cleveland. An ad agency can only sell LeBron's image to potential clients at a certain price if his appearance in the Finals only garners a 6. It's simple math. A 6 rating will automatically set LeBron at a certain endorsement value. Provided my theory is right, and Madison Avenue also subscribes to it, there is a big pool of money out there to be had.

My theory is that leagues flourish when they have great rivalries, even at the expense of parity for smaller markets. Big markets make for the best rivalries, typically, because there's a mythology around them. Sports fills the role of our modern cultural mythology by forcing us to choose sides. One side is bad and the other is good. When there's an intensity to the relationship, the interest is more hotly focused and the drama is all the more compelling. Think about it.

In baseball terms, Yankees-Red Sox has it. Most of the country feigns disinterest in that rivalry, but it's hard to argue that it's lukewarm when it drives the rating of both Fox and ESPN over the course of the season. To keep the context New York, the Knicks-Bulls rivalry of the 1990s was a big deal despite the fact the Knicks really could never knock of the Bulls and never ended up playing for a championship while Jordan was on the court. Lakers-Celtics has it to be sure.

I will always argue that while parity has been good for spreading the wealth among NBA teams, it's also made the overall product more dilute and there's less impact at the big moments. LeBron to the Knicks would install NY-LA once again as a prime rivalry. It would also help if the Bulls can return to form. It's my belief that Madison Avenue feels the same way. The NBA as a whole becomes a lot better investment to potential advertisers if the biggest market and the biggest star get married. I could be wrong.

3. He loves NY.

Why has LeBron been wearing the Yankees cap around everywhere for the last few years? Why do members of his entourage wear "I Love NY" t-shirts when they appear with him on award shows? Why the obvious cat and mouse game? One potential answer is that they enjoy fucking with NY. It's funny to them to string NY along. Kind of an inside gag that they play.

Why put Cleveland fans and ownership through the agony of all the speculation if you could kill it with one fell swoop? Why play the game if you know it puts stress on your organization and Cavs fans? It seems to me that once you know that every sign you give that NY could be your new home is met with dozens of speculative articles and rumors, you'd have enough respect for ownership and fans to be a little more careful about what you wear, or what you say. He isn't. In fact, he said, "July 1, 2010 is going to be a very, very big day." Why would he say such a thing if he was certain to stay in Cleveland? The money won't change. The number of suitors won't change. This isn't baseball where the hot stove is fluid in terms of salary offers, perks, and shifting positions on signing free agents. The circumstances are 99% fixed here. He either takes what Cleveland has, or he leaves. There's no middle ground. What does he gain by going free agent? What does he gain by saying something like that? The answer is nothing, unless it's all a stupid gag he's playing because he enjoys the attention.

I can't claim any of this as proof, or even as reasonable speculation on its own, but I do think it's worth wondering aloud. If the conventional wisdom is that he loves Cleveland and he's not interested in NY, then why all the games? Hard to say, but to me it shows that he's at least showing NY that's he's open to a move, whether it happens or not. This, more than anything else, should give some pause to the people who are so sure he's staying put.

4. It's a Test of NY

The New York franchise in the NBA, who play in the most storied basketball arena in the world, are going to offer a historical free agent class the opportunity to sign up in tandem with some good young players to resurrect a franchise BEGGING to be brought back from the dead. If one or more of those free agents signs, brings the team back to respectability, and perhaps wins a title (or titles), they will forever be etched in the most prestigious stone that sports has to offer. Tickertape parade and all.

If none of these guys shows up, the myth of NY as a world class sports town will be permanently damaged to some degree. There will never, ever be a better situation for a class of free agents than there is at the Garden in 2010. Ever.

It's hard for me to believe that all of that can be passed up. More than just the wishful thinking of a New York fan, I think there has to be some merit to this thinking, at least in terms of hope. There's never been a better fit for an NBA free agent than LeBron James and NY. The situation, the magnitude of the player and the city, the ability to choose a running mate from a group of very talented #2s. It just seems right. To me, if I'm LeBron and I'm weighing the possible outcomes of my career, I see the potential to win a title over the next 2, maybe 3, seasons in Cleveland. If I do that, Cleveland will forever love me. The future beyond that is unclear. If I win a title at Madison Square Garden, and I think it's more likely that I will be able to accomplish that once or more for a longer duration of time in NY, there might never be a greater player in the history of the game.

Like it or not, the big stage inflates accomplishments from the merely excellent to the supernatural. Don't believe me? Ask Derek Jeter. An excellent shortstop and a surefire Hall of Famer, who owns a reputation nearly as large as anyone who has ever played the sport. That's NY. CC Sabathia has an inkling of that, and I'm sure that's what he'll be whispering in LeBron's ear. He's practically said as much to the press on more than one occasion.

Conclusion

I can't really say that I'm overly optimistic about LeBron ending up in NY, but I think the situation is fluid, and I think it's not nearly as certain as people on either side want to make it when posturing at the water cooler. There's plenty of argument to be had on both sides, but until we see the outcome of the NBA season currently in progress, and until we see who would be willing to sign with LeBron, it's open.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

2008-11-27T15:48:00.000-08:00

I sit at my desk in Japan, mulling over yet another Thanksgiving lost to grilled fish, white rice, and pickled daikon radish. The only cure for such a melancholy day is a little basketball blogging. Some random thoughts on the season that has been and the season that still might be...

1. LeBron

LeBron is as good as a Knick at this point. The trades made the cap room, Nike dropped the hint with the "Big Apple" shoe debut at MSG. LeBron is cooing about Mike D'Antoni. Can we hurry it up to 2010 already?

I read at ESPN.com where J.A. Adande thinks that NY is unimportant to LeBron and that the idea that the NBA needs a strong NY is a myth. Figures that an LA writer would propose such a nonsensical argument. I agree that LeBron doesn't need the Knicks. He's a one man franchise and could be personally successful just about anywhere (Charlotte and OKC included). The thing is, the argument that NY is unimportant for LeBron or the NBA in the new media environment is off base. It may be less important, but one can't just make the argument that the league has done well without the Knicks for decades and leave it at that. The question one must ask is, what the NBA would look like IF New York was strong and had the league's most dynamic young player. If you frame it that way, Adande's argument begins to fall apart. Just because the league flourished and its players became millionaires while Magic was in LA, Bird was in Boston, and Dr. J was in Philly, only occasionally being met by a Bernard King scoring outburst out of the Garden, you can't make a direct correlation to the unimportance of the Knicks.

What if Julius Erving or Michael Jordan had played in New York City? How would that have impacted the league and the cache of its product? What if LeBron had put up a middle finger at Cleveland and forced a trade to NY the way Kobe did in his situation with Charlotte? Lest we forget that Kobe was had by LA in a hostage situation for Vlade Divac. If Garnett hadn't wasted all those years in the Minnesota wilderness by refusing to play for the Wolves. If he had planted himself in Boston earlier, or NY for that matter?

The league has done just fine with a weak NY. It's done fine with a NY featuring Ewing, Starks, and the rest. How would things have been better with a Julius Erving, Michael Jordan, or Kobe Bryant in the Garden 41 times a year? I imagine it would be like the improvement from chocolate cake to Black Forest cake. One is desirable, delicious, and satisfying on its own. The other is an upgrade and much more attractive, delicious, and worthy of envy. That's how I see this LeBron situation. LeBron in Cleveland is great. It's good for the league. It creates a competitive balance. LeBron in NY makes the NY/LA matchup sexy again in the way that Yankees/Red Sox is sexy. The league is better off for that kind of rivalry. My case closes there.

2. The Bobcats and the Thunder

Why are these teams? My preseason prediction was that the Bobcats would trade away all their starters by season's end. All of them. So far, we're looking at trade rumors around Gerald Wallace, Jason Richardson, and there will undoubtedly whispers about Okafor to a contender before the deadline. Felton is now a shooting guard with the emergence of D.J. Augustin. It's happening. It hardly matters though. Charlotte is professional basketball nowhere. Let Duke have that city NBA. Stop being greedy.

The Thunder's prospects are better, but the present is much worse. That franchise ought to think carefully about what they're seeing in Charlotte because it could be their own future. Smallish city with temporary enthusiasm for pro hoops and limited patience for suckitude. When the honeymoon is over, if Kevin Durant is all alone on the floor things will get ugly. They need to be bolder than they've been so far. Install a D'Antoni system and let the fans enjoy themselves.

3. The Lakers and the Celtics

Wow. It feels like 1980 all over again. The two dominant franchises in the sport are the two most traditional. Fantasy hoops fans are lamenting the lack of performance by Bryant and Garnett, but what real fan could argue with the excellent brand of hoops played on both coasts? The lower fantasy performance is directly related to the stellar on court performance of these teams and the limited minutes needed by the big names. Blowouts are great for fans, but bad for stats.

Barring a major upset or injury, these are your finals teams. I absolutely love the Lakers to win it this season. Kobe, Gasol, Bynum, and Odom are great 1-4 players, but the Fishers, Farmers, and Arizas are the guys that are locking things down. Great balance and great system there. Fuck Phil Jackson, but he's a great coach.

The Celtics make me less optimistic long term because I think there's potential for Allen or Pierce to break down a bit. Rondo has emerged, so any injury could be offset, but the fragility of the Boston roster is a concern, albeit a minor one.

4. Parity

The Celtics and the Lakers aside, who has a team full of good players in 2008-09? Let's run down the list for a moment and consider which team's have A-list players, especially in the multiples.

Celtics: Yes
Nets: No
Knicks: No
Sixers: Yes
Raptors: Maybe
Bulls: No
Cavaliers: No
Pistons: No
Pacers: No
Bucks: No
Hawks: Maybe
Bobcats: No
Heat: Maybe
Magic: Yes
Wizards: Yes*
Warriors: No
Clippers: No
Lakers: Yes
Suns: Yes
Kings: No
Mavericks: Maybe
Rockets: Yes*
Grizzlies: No
Hornets: Maybe
Spurs: Yes
Nuggets: Maybe
Wolves: No
Thunder: No
Trailblazers: No
Jazz: Yes

That's a total of 9 "yeses", 6 "maybes", and 15 "nos." You have 9 good teams, 6 fair to mediocre teams, and 15 irrelevant clubs. Is that good business? Is it good business with a salary cap? I will argue until my last breath that the NBA should contract, let some of the fringe guys that lose work head to Europe or Asia, and put a better product on the floor in less cities. Create a better D-League. If you dissolved 10 of the franchises in the "nos," you'd combine some very good players with the 6 maybes and the remaining 5 nos. The parity you seek would be there via quality rather than quantity. You could move to play a real World Championship like they do in the European League Soccer competition. It would be better for the sport and the NBA.

Just sayin'.

A New Season

2008-11-17T06:11:00.000-08:00

Here we are again. A new season of intrigue is upon us. Lots of shit to stir up at EvW. Mr. West is taking his damn time getting anything to me on our 1st project (either because he's juggling twins or because he was involved somehow in Sarah Palin's Nieman Marcus shopping spree), so here's my take on the NBA. This is all prior to the first tip off, but is only going up now. Deal with it.

Eastern Conference
1. Division Champs

Boston Celtics (defending crown)
Detroit Pistons (last chance at glory)
Atlanta Hawks (the talented upstart)

2. Playoff Teams

Philadelphia 76ers (well rounded club of vets + youth infusion)
Toronto Raptors (Euro system with good big men)
Cleveland Cavaliers (one great player)
Orlando Magic (dominant big man with good shooters/scorers)
New York Knicks (Euro system gets them to .500, but no playoff wins)

3. MVPs

The Obvious: LeBron James (skills and dominance)
The Unheralded: Chauncey Billups (leadership and direction)
The Sleeper: Elton Brand (offensive and defensive anchor)

4. LVPs

The Aggregious: Stephon Marbury (salary vs. output + attitude)
The Overhyped: Vince Carter (no one does less with more)
The Waste of Space: Jerome James (Isiah's last gift to Knick fans)

5. Surprise

This is where I get wild and stupid. At least four of the five opening night starters for the Charlotte Bobcats won't even be on the team at season's end. Raymond Felton, Jason Richardson, Gerald Wallace, Emeka Okafor will all be traded by Larry Brown. Then he'll step down for health reasons and the Bobcats will win the lottery, prompting him to try to get his job back.

Western Conference
1. Division Champs

New Orleans Hornets (Best team in the sport this year)
Utah Jazz (Sloan's a winner and Deron wants to match Paul)
Los Angeles Lakers (Most talented team in the sport this year)

2. Playoff Teams

Dallas Mavericks (for the last time prior to shakeup)
San Antonio Spurs (annoyingly and consistently)
Portland Trailblazers (Not ready yet, but best young talent)
Phoenix Suns (for the last time prior to shakeup)
Denver Nuggets (for the last time with Iverson/Carmelo)

3. MVPs

The Obvious: Kobe Bryant (Jordan, Jr. only has to win it w/o Shaq)
The Unheralded: Manu Ginobili (the engine of that annoying club)
The Sleeper: Chris Paul (hardly a sleeper, but little man in a big conference)

4. LVPs

The Aggregious: Tracy McGrady (has he ever won anything or stayed healthy?)
The Overhyped: Shaquille O'Neal (he's near the bottom of the barrell of NBA centers in 2009)
The Waste of Space: Antoine Walker (Chucky's still in the league??!! Why?)

5. Surprise

Okay, here are a quick couple of surprises. T-Mac will retire before the season ends. Andris Biedrins will be 3rd Team All NBA. O.J. Mayo will win Rookie of the Year. Baron Davis and Marcus Camby will play a combined 25 games together. Yao Ming will play 82 games this season. If the Mavs look like a middle of the road playoff team, Cuban will trade Dirk Nowitzki to the Knicks for Stephon Marbury's expiring contract and the Knicks 2009 first round pick.

2008-2009 NBA CHAMPIONS: LOS ANGELES LAKERS

-Mr. East

Give Me the Rock

2008-10-04T04:00:00.000-07:00

Hey. You like fantasy hoops like Mr. East and Mr. West like fantasy hoops? Then you have to go check out the super fantabulous guys over at Give Me the Rock. If you don't, we think you're dumb. That is all.

-Mr. East

Spanish Racists

2008-08-13T17:06:00.001-07:00

If you haven't seen the promotional photo run by the Spanish National Basketball Team, here it is:

Yeah, they're playing that ignorant children's game "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees..." or whatever version was popular at your elementary school. Racism against East Asian people is tacitly accepted in our society, moreso in communities without widespread integration. East Asian's have successfully built an international niche by famously sticking together the way other mainstream "ethnic" groups have in America, for example. The Irish and Italians stuck to their own, rose above racist taunts and overt discrimination to build businesses and communities. The East Asian communities that are thriving in many large cities around the world offer the same sort of safety and opportunity.

The level of overt racism that this photo poses is only trumped in offensiveness by the lack of understanding or regret that the team has publicly shown in the wake of the controversy. Here's a snippet of their reaction:

“It was something like supposed to be funny or something but never offensive in any way,” said Spain center Pau Gasol, who also plays for the Los Angeles Lakers. “I’m sorry if anybody thought or took it the wrong way and thought that it was offensive.”

Point guard Jose Manuel Calderon said the team was responding to a request from the photographer.

“We felt it was something appropriate, and that it would be interpreted as an affectionate gesture,” Calderon, who plays for NBA’s Toronto Raptors, wrote on his ElMundo.es blog. “Without a doubt, some … press didn’t see it that way.”

“We have great respect for the far East and its people, some of my best friends in Toronto are originally Chinese, including one of our sponsors, the brand Li Ning,” Calderon wrote. “Whoever wants to interpret it differently is completely confusing it.”

Gasol said it was “absurd” people were calling the gesture racist. “We never intended anything like that,” he said.

“We’re surprised by the remarks of racism,” said Juan Antonio Villanueva, the communications director for the city’s 2016 Olympic bid. “Spain is not a racist country—quite the opposite.”

An affectionate gesture? So, I love Jews. I love to tease them affectionately by wearing a big hook nose and horns. I love African-Americans too. I visit my friends' homes with a big bag of Kentucky Fried Chicken while dressed in blackface. They love that shit. It's affectionate. Jose Calderon is officially Public Enemy #1 at East versus West. (Space now available with the removal of Isiah Thomas from the Knicks). He even takes the typical defense...I have Chinese friends. They go ape over my chinky eyes. What...? You're offended by that too? People are too sensitive. Gasol is equally a tool. How is it "absurd" that people are offended by that shit? You're absurd with your ugly ass beard. Also, Spain is not a racist country? How oversimplified a statement can you get? Sure, Spain isn't apartheid era South Africa or Sudanese genocide-mongers, but lest we forget the Spanish conquest of the New World or the Spanish Inquisition I'd like to bring them up here. No one's hands are clean, but it only makes it worse when a bunch of ignorant jocks hide behind oversimplified rhetoric to defend their offense. Spain is only as racist as the Spaniards make it, so congratulations basketball idiots, you helped to make Spain a "racist nation" for a few days.

There is also such a thing as an Uncle Wang. Check out the Chinese sponsor for the Spanish National Team jumping through hoops to save face on their investment.

Frank Zhang, Li Ning’s director of government and public affairs, played down the incident.

“We don’t think this is an insulting gesture to the Chinese,” Zhang said. “In fact, the gesture shows that the Spanish team is so humorous, relaxing and cute. They sat around a dragon pattern, which we think showed respect to the Chinese.

“Li Ning Ltd. will not change any business plans with the Spanish team because of this,” Zhang added. “People should focus on great Olympic Games instead of something else.”

It's so humorous, relaxing, and cute. In fact, we plan to create a new product line of athletic gear called Gasolderon the Chinky-Eyed Spaniard. The logo looks a little something like this...

This is nothing new though. Check out this YouTube clip from August of 2007 where Peruvian soccer player Carlos Bazalar celebrates his game-winning goal over South Korea at the FIFA U-17 World Cup game making the "chinky eyes" gesture. I'd love to get that guy down to Guantanamo Bay for a little "vacation" with the Dick Cheney boys.

The world is full of these idiots. If you see one of them, do me a favor and swiftly and forcefully punch them in the head. God will love you for it.

New World Order: Fantasy Landscape

2008-07-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

I like Fantasy Hoops. It's one of the few things that's kept me interested in the league after the Ewing era in New York came to a close. The NBA generally sucks on any given night, and most of the games and teams are unwatchable. That said, the fantasy arrangement is a way to imagine that something truly exciting and remarkable is happening, because it totally invests you in each night's action. It separates myth from reality and sweeps the ugly reality under the carpet. Mythical hoops is always played in an ideal world.

Mr. West and I play in a competitive Yahoo league together with the came core group of lunatics year in and year out. I won the whole enchilada a couple of years ago, but Mr. West is pretty much the All-Time king. He has some competition, but the end of every year sees him at or near the top, vying for the title with a well built team. He has a good head for drafting. I follow his lead in terms of style, but I'm stupid enough to play a few risks here and there. I drafted Walter Herrmann in the 6th round last year, or something like that, reaching for a possible big splash. That didn't turn out so well for me.

In the spirit of fantasy hoops and a slow few weeks of the off-season, after the Baron/Brand affair died down, it's time to look at a few guys I think might be on the radar for next season. The criteria for this little game is that the players have to be rookies, 2nd year, or 3rd year players. Beyond that anything's fair game. I chose players for this list based on a couple of factors. Obviously, past performance gets you a spot on the list. Projected playing time is also important, and really the combination of other players occupying your position dictates that more or less. The final factor I weighed a bit when looking over rosters was the likelihood the coach would employ a deep rotation, or worse, and unpredictable one. We're talking Golden State and Chicago, if we look at recent years. Maybe Memphis. This season things look a little more open though, so here goes...(players ranked in order of value):

THE GUARDS

Brandon Roy (3rd Year)
Derrick Rose (Rookie)
Rajon Rondo (3rd Year)
O.J. Mayo (Rookie)
Jerryd Bayless (Rookie)
D.J. Augustin (Rookie)
Rudy Fernandez (Rookie)
Randy Foye (3rd Year)
Marcus Williams (3rd Year)
Eric Gordon (Rookie)

This list is dominated by 3 or maybe 4 players. Brandon Roy is probably a quality 2nd round pick in most leagues these days. He's going to have a lot of help this year, but he's gifted and experienced now. Derrick Rose can flat out play and deserves an pick somewhere in the early-middle rounds. He's a risky pick as a rookie, but he didn't go #1 for nothing. Rajon Rondo may still sit in the middle rounds somewhere, but there's little doubt about his ability to throw up a triple-double here and there and steal a ton of balls during the season. He's the classic, "Oh Fuck. I still don't have a point guard and he's left. Better grab him now."

O.J. Mayo is a personal favorite. He didn't live up to the NCAA challenge really, but he's not a structured player. He won't be a winner in the NBA for sure, but he will put up numbers. I liken him to Baron Davis in a lot of ways. He shoots too much and he isn't the best decision maker, but he's better than most of the players on the floor. I think he'll be worth a late-middle round pick at this point. Someone may reach on him though. The last noteworthy guy on this list is Jerryd Bayless. He adds to a SICK Portland roster this year and has been absolutely destroying the Vegas Summer League. He was the MVP there. He will struggle for looks, but could run the show with Roy on the wing and Oden down low. Worth a look.

To briefly mention the rest of the players on this list, D.J. Augustin is highly thought of, but I'm not ready to put him in a draft situation now. He's a desperation PG pick if you already have one and it's getting late on a 2nd. Rudy Fernandez seems like a decent late round flyer, since his upside would seem to be Kevin Martin, and Kevin Martin is a top 25 player when he's on. Randy Foye has no place on my team. He kills your shooting% and turns the ball over like a madman. He's undersized and overmatched, but could find a spot in the last round or two if your league is deep and you need insurance for an injury prone scorer (Gilbert Arenas, Dwayne Wade?). I like Marcus Williams here. He probably shouldn't be drafted at all, but he's a guy to watch. He could put up big numbers in Golden State if he gets any burn next to Monte Ellis. He's got talent and he's still very young. Eric Gordon does nothing for me, but he's a hyped rookie and Baron Davis always presents a risky injury selection. He's likely to be the guy to get minutes if Davis pulls up lame.

THE FORWARDS

Rudy Gay (3rd Year)
Kevin Durant (2nd Year)
Michael Beasley (Rookie)
Tyrus Thomas (3rd Year)
Jamario Moon (2nd Year)
Al Thornton (2nd Year)
Yi Jianlian (2nd Year)
Russell Westbrook (Rookie)
Anthony Randolph (Rookie)
Thaddeus Young (2nd Year)
Sean May (3rd Year)
Danilo Gallinari (Rookie)
Kevin Love (Rookie)
Wilson Chandler (2nd Year)
Joakim Noah (2nd Year)
Adam Morrison (2nd Year)

To be honest, the top three players here at the forward position are all extremely tempting. The ranking reflects my own sense of their value, since Gay is a legitimate fantasy stud now and could be a late 2nd round or early 3rd round pick. In a deep league, he could press the earlier part of the 2nd. Durant isn't there yet. Too many holes in his game. The upside is huge though and he's probably about two years away from real value. That said, he'll build on what he did as a rookie and should be watched for an early-middle round pick. Beasley could be more talented than Durant. He could put up bigger and better numbers and probably should given his supporting cast. With Dwayne Wade getting all the attention, Beasley should be clear to do the board work and score all over the floor. Jamal Mashburn put up 19, 4.5, 3.5, and a steal as a rookie. Beasley could do that with more boards.

My big sleeper is Tyrus Thomas. When he gets 30+ minutes he looks a lot like Shawn Marion. Make no mistake, he's not Shawn Marion. He won't shoot as well, and he'll turn it over more. He'll fill up the rest of the stats though, and he should be a steal in the late-middle, early-late rounds. He'll barely be on people's radar this year, so wait on him and pick him late. (Looks like my classic risky selection of the year.) Jamario Moon isn't going to be slept on this season. He's not great, but he is efficient and makes a great 4th forward. He's the guy that you want to plug in when he plays 4 times and you want to compete in blocks and turnovers, not to mention FG%. Late-middle rounds ought to get you Moon. Al Thornton may be a better draft selection than either Thomas or Moon. He won't have Maggette or Brand taking his minutes and Camby doesn't score. Thornton, almost by default, is a 20 point scorer this season. His boards may suffer though and it's doubtful that he'll do much else. Yi Jianlian is better than his 2007-08 season. He's going to get some shots in NJ and he'll be protected by Vince Carter's slashing style. I doubt he's worth more than a late round pick, but he's going to get an opportunity in New Jerz.

Russell Westbrook and Anthony Randolph probably shouldn't be up so high on this list, and they probably don't get the minutes or the looks they'll need to be worth a fantasy damn, but their talent puts them there as players to watch. Thaddeus Young would have been much higher on the list, but Brand and Dalembert complicate his playing time. An injury to either one of them will necessitate a Young pickup, even if there's no reason to draft him. Sean May is also a guy that probably shouldn't be drafted (maybe the last round) but his stats translate to Elton Brand if he gets 30-35 minutes. He's always hurt though so why bother. Who wants a guy with huge upside that sits most of the year. If he's on the floor and playing, maybe worth a waiver wire pickup, but leave him for someone else.

Gallinari is intriguing to me. No reason to draft him, but he could get the ball a lot for the Knicks if he can do anything. Defense be damned, if he can shoot, he'll play for D'Antoni. That's worth a look in any league. Kevin Love is a stiff in my book, but I could be wrong. He's a huge injury risk too, so keep him on your deep, deep, deep radar. Deep. Wilson Chandler is a guy that could be fun. Not really draft-worthy, but D'Antoni loves him and he has some skills. Poor man's Shawn Marion potential at 10-12 points, 6-7 rebounds, a steal, and a block? Jamario Moon territory, no? Joakim Noah. Nothing to say. Adam Morrison? Could be a shooter, and plays on a shit team, so there's always a chance they need him for minutes.

THE CENTERS

Greg Oden (Rookie)
Al Horford (2nd Year)
Luis Scola (2nd Year)
LaMarcus Aldridge (3rd Year)
Spencer Hawes (2nd Year)
Andrea Bargnani (3rd Year)
Sean Williams (2nd Year)
Brook Lopez (Rookie)

I want to put Al Horford first on this list, cause I rode him down the stretch last year and he can play. He should be in the 2nd tier of centers considered in the draft and needs to be on a team by the middle rounds. Oden may go earlier and has that huge Shaq-ish upside, so he gets top billing. I don't love him that way though. He has to play to get that kind of respect. At this point, I don't think you can take him before the 5th round. Even that might be a stretch. He's an enigma, because he could be a monster, but he's coming off a major injury and has never played against NBA players. Selecting him as anything more than a #2 center is foolish, and he's probably best as a #3 center and backup PF at this point. Luis Scola can play. I also had him down the stretch last season and he won't hurt you. He won't be great on a lot of nights, but without Yao he was shooting a lot more, scoring a lot more, and still holding his own on the glass and with the FG%. He'll slide back into a secondary offensive role with Yao back, but he could be the kind of player that good teams have on their bench, waiting for the 4 game week when he wins you boards and FG%.

LaMarcus Aldridge is interesting. If he still qualifies at C this season, he has value. He'll lose points, boards, and blocks to Oden. Plus, he's got Bayless, Fernandez, and Outlaw looking good on the team. If I were the Blazers, Aldridge might just make for good trade bait that brings back a top flight defender. His value is high right now, and he should really be on a team that runs and that can use his offense. Portland can still be that team, but there have to be some question marks coming into this season with the depth and the competition at the F slot. On the other hand, I like Spencer Hawes. He's not as good as Aldridge and actually is behind Brad Miller in Sacto for playing time. He should start stealing that playing time as the season goes on and Miller breaks down. I expect the Kings to shop Miller at some point, and he would seem to make sense for a contender somewhere. Hawes is not draftable as things stand right now, but if he's named the starter at any point, don't miss him.

Andrea Bargnani was the #1 pick. Let me type that again. Andrea Bargnani was the #1 pick. Still doesn't feel right. I think the day will come when people will view the Bargnani pick for what it was. Brad Lohaus as the top pick overall. Sigh. He's center eligible and shoots the three which is a nice gimmick if you're punting the big man categories, but any wise GM will flip the bottom of their chin at Bargnani and try someone else. Sean Williams of the Nets is an intriguing player this year. Will he play or won't he? Will Josh Boone get the burn, or are things going Williams' way? He's not draftable, and he's the classic Stromile Swift overhyped, athletic big man with no real skills except freakish athleticism, but he blocks TONS of shots and might be worth a pick up during the season if the choice is between him and Erick Dampier, say. His teammate Brook Lopez might actually be worth watching though, since the Nets would like to get something out of the center position and they didn't take Lopez just to have him gather dust on the bench. Not draftable, but an early candidate for a November waiver wire pickup for the center deficient teams in your league.

Game. Blouses.

2008-07-19T04:50:00.000-07:00

Simply the funniest hoops story ever told.

Why We Love Gil

2008-07-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

I have a couple of reasons to love Gilbert Arenas. The first is a fantasy hoops related reason. I picked him up off the waiver wire in his rookie season and rode him out to a deep playoff run. Didn't pan out in the end, but you love those guys you take a chance on that blow up. The second is this photo that keeps on giving:

Kind of says it all doesn't it? You'll see that photo here at EvW from time to time because it expresses a general feeling about certain parts of the NBA that just don't have words. I suppose the third reason that I like Arenas is that he had the balls to shout, "Hibachi" when he was shooting for a while. The best reason to like Agent Zero, however, is that he blogs and says whatever he wants. Fuck David Stern.

His most recent blog is just a long rambling bunch of NBA PR about traveling in Europe, probably the result of a deal he has with the league to talk about life as a player and the rest. We get to pure Arenas when he starts talking about recent free agent transactions and trades, and he says this about Richard Jefferson:

"Richard Jefferson going to Milwaukee …. HAHAHA! Oh man, now that is funny. When I heard that, I started laughing. Oh man, did I start laughing. You know why? Because every player hates Milwaukee. Nobody wants to live in Milwaukee. I’m sorry, Milwaukee, to come down hard on you, but no one in the NBA wants to play in Milwaukee. From him going from New Jersey, actually from New York (because he lives in New York), from New York to Milwaukee is like going … let’s just say it’s not going to sit well with you. That was a funny one when I heard that one. I know Yi is happy though."

Couldn't have said it better myself, and even if I had no one would have read it. Hello? Is anyone out there...?

Mr. West and I have been saying this kind of thing for a long time. Mr. West's favorite city to beat up is Charlotte, while I've always had a thing for Milwaukee, myself. You can understand why I rushed to post here about Gil's diary. Why the fuck would anyone want to visit Milwaukee? Why would anyone want to identify with Milwaukee? Seriously.

Now, before anyone from Milwaukee stumbles onto this blog while Googling for cheese curd recipes, and gets themselves all worked up, I have a confession to make. I've never been to Milwaukee. As a father of two and a settled-in kind of grown up, I might even love the kind of lifestyle that Milwaukee has to offer. The people are probably cool and the food is probably good. I bet there's some good live music somewhere and the school system has to be nice. Russ Feingold is my kind of guy. The thing is, this isn't about me and my boring-ass excuse for a life. This is about the NBA.

The NBA has too many teams and needs to knock off at least a half dozen. Among that half dozen, Milwaukee has to be near the top of the list. It's a minor media market, overshadowed by Chicago, and is about as uncool a location as one can pull out of a hat filled with American cities. I'm not talking about actual cool. The Fonz was from Milwaukee so there has to be something cool going on. I'm talking about the kind of cool that sizzles. The NBA is a television product. That's it. They understand that, so they rake in the cash. If there was no TV, there would be no NBA. It would be an afterthought. They'd probably still play in cages and wear belts.

TV loves glitz, fashion, glamor, sizzle, pizzazz, razzle dazzle, hip hop ya don't stop rockin' to the bam to the boogie ta be. It doesn't love nice schools and good neighbors. It likes "Desperate Housewives" and "Ultimate Fighting Challenge" and "Sex and the City" and "Survivor." Milwaukee is like the equivalent of watching local public access debates on zoning regulations.

So, what was the reaction on the net to Arenas' Milwaukee rant? Let's take a peek, shall we?

Jeff Sherman of OnMilwaukee.com writes, ""Every player" hates Milwaukee? Come on, Gilbert! It's no secret that Milwaukee isn't New York City or Chicago. But we aren't some two-cow town in Iowa either. It's tough, yes, for many corporations and sports teams to recruit "stars" to smaller market cities. But, the days of "Bush League" are gone and Milwaukee can and is competing. See forbes.com, which ranked Milwaukee the ninth best city for young professionals."

Really? That's it. You state that you're not a two cow town, and point to a link at Forbes to show why young professionals can be comfortable in Milwaukee? That's the argument that Sherman chooses to defend his city as an NBA location? "Not a two cow town." Let me help you, Sherm. Try this: "Hey Gil. Fuck you. Next time you come to Milwaukee, you better hide or I'll slap you silly. Unless, of course, I'm too busy kickin' back with the Rusty P's at the club, heard?" Who's next?

Charles F. Gardner, beat writer for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel writes, "Not all NBA players have viewed Milwaukee as a place to be avoided. Ray Allen wanted to stay here and was genuinely disappointed when he was traded to Seattle, before he eventually moved on to Boston and won a championship ring last season. Michael Redd and Andrew Bogut seem to like Milwaukee well enough and have earned long-term contracts with the franchise. Desmond Mason came back for a second contract as a free agent, after being traded to New Orleans (and protesting vehemently) a couple years ago.

Yi Jianlian's representatives wanted him out of Milwaukee and tolerated one year here, but they were delighted to get the Chinese star to a larger media market with the Nets. The player who arrived in the ill-fated Allen trade, Gary Payton, never wanted to be here and got out of town as fast as he could when he became a free agent after that 2002-'03 season."

So, let me get this straight. "Not all NBA players have viewed Milwaukee as a place to be avoided." Not exactly a ringing endorsement. Kind of more "not a two cow town" kind of defense. Then we have a list of players who kind of tolerate Milwaukee ("Michael Redd and Andrew Bogut seem to like Milwaukee well enough..."), a scrub who came back after he realized he had no other options (Desmond Mason), and two guys who hated Milwaukee (Yi Jianlian and Gary Payton). Oh, and Ray Allen loved it there. Sigh. Even the newspaper people hate Milwaukee. I hear Vin Baker loved Milwaukee's Best.

It's not even a competition. Gilbert Arenas by himself is cooler than everything that has ever happened in and around the greater Milwaukee area, ever. That's why he opted to stay in DC, which is a shit hole of a place to live, but is a quadgribillion times better NBA city than Milwaukee. Don't believe me? This is the CitySearch list of "Top 10 Milwaukee Experiences":

1. Miller Brewery Factory Tour
Sample free, ice-cold beers after witnessing how water is transformed into the tasty, frothy brew that made Milwaukee famous.

Miller sucks. That can't be your top Milwaukee experience. The beer that tastes like piss, but that is less filling so frat boys can drink until puke comes out their ears. Next.

2. Harley-Davidson Tour Center
You'll be in hog heaven watching factory workers assemble the roaring engines on America's most legendary motorcycle.

Watching factory workers assemble motorcycles is the #2 top experience in Milwaukee. I guess it works if you're drunk at 10am from your tour of the Miller plant.

3. Safehouse
Order a crisp martini and investigate a mind-boggling collection of espionage and spy paraphernalia at this one-of-a-kind back-alley bar.

Okay, a cool bar of some kind. Nice to know. I'd check it out, but I doubt there's anything mind-boggling about spy paraphernalia at a bar. Kind of like eating at T.G.I. Friday's or Bennigan's cause they have all that cool old crap on the walls.

4. Kopp's Frozen Custard Stand
It's a must-stop for not only great custard, but huge and tasty burgers.

Oh, good Lord. The #4 best experience in Milwaukee is a custard stand. Someone kill Richard Jefferson now. It's for the best.

5. Milwaukee Art Museum
Explore one of the most comprehensive collections of German Expressionist art in the country at this swooping architectural landmark on the lake.

Got nothing bad to say about museums, but it says something when yours is ranked below a brewery, motorcycle factory, and custard stand.

6. La Perla
You haven't partied until you've had a margarita and ridden the bucking mechanical red pepper at this bustling Mexican restaurant.

Y'know, I actually think this might be right. I may not have partied until I get my ass to Milwaukee to get drunk on margarita's and ride a bucking mechanical red pepper. Except that I'm sure I saw some shit like that when I was partying in Amsterdam, dodging street cars, while evading the wolfman clone-bots chasing me out of that coffee shop.

7. Zaffiro's
Try the E.B.A. (Everything But Anchovies) pizza and you'll understand why people have been flocking to this tiny joint for decades.

That's what I hate about Milwaukee most, and the reason I harbor this not so secret resentment of its Midwestern sensibilities...no fucking anchovies.

8. Miller Park
Witness the famous sausage race where Brewers fans dress as brats and run around the stadium after the sixth inning.

This is the double-whammy of sadness. The baseball park is listed 8th on this list, behind a brewery of swill, a motorcycle factory, a custard stand, and a bucking, mechanical red pepper. Part two is that the Brewers aren't even part of the attraction, but the racing sausages are.

9. Taylor's
Sip one of the best cosmos in town and keep your eyes peeled for your favorite Bucks player at this ultrahip bar.

I love this. Cosmos are so-2002. Bucks players aren't going to show up there because they're all in their agents' offices making physical threats about leaving town. Even if they were there, they'd be Charlie Bell, Dan Gadzuric, Royal Ivey, and Jake Voskhul. I have cooler collections of lint in my bellybutton than that. (True story).

10. Mars' Cheese Castle
Become a true cheese head and take home farm animal-shaped cheese from this quirky roadside landmark.

What would a list of great Milwaukee experiences be without the quirky roadside landmark, especially when combined with farm animal-shaped cheese. No wonder Latrell Sprewell is such an angry prick. He grew up in Milwaukee. He probably had his high school prom at the Mars Cheese Castle.

After reading this list, even people from Milwaukee are laughing at Richard Jefferson and buying Gilbert Arenas jerseys. Gotta love that.

The New (York) Knicks

2008-07-14T17:30:00.000-07:00

Hey. Mr. East here. Long time no see. Mr. West and I are going to be posting here throughout the 2008-09 NBA season after a one season hiatus. The time away from blogging was largely unintentional, but it definitely requires dedicated time, which neither of us had. With no further ado, here's my take on the developing New York Knicks situation. Mr. West may chime in, but I'm hoping for a take on the OKC franchise, formerly known as the Seattle (Super)Sonics.

Out with Isiah. Finally, Jim Dolan took his head out of his ass to see the crumbling cornerstone of the NBA at his feet in the Garden. Make no mistake about it, Isiah Thomas is public enemy #1 in New York, but he really should be #2 on the list of people to blame for the shit that the Knicks have become. He's a moron, but every moron needs an enabler to spread mass destruction throughout the world. George Bush's enabler is Dick Cheney, for example. Isiah's was Jim Dolan. I guarantee that pressure from the NBA's front office mounted to the point that Dolan had to cave to the immense will of David Stern and can Zeke. Stern didn't even hide the fact that he was ashamed of the Knicks.

That said, putting Zeke in NBA Siberia was the right thing to do. I understand that Dolan has shelled out so much wasted money at this point that it had to stop somewhere, but that couldn't deter him from ejecting Isiah from the scene in New York. He got to keep some value in Zeke by sending him off to Europe on a scouting mission, while rebuilding the organization in New York from the ground up. People focus on the team and it's hideous construction, but it's easy to forget that Zeke put together a bunch of cronies at the Garden, collectively incompetent and unapologetic. Even the Marbury clan had free run of the place and it all came to a head when the whole organization was hauled into court on sexual/power harassment charges....and lost. To me the highlight (lowlight) of that whole fiasco was Stephon Marbury's testimony about sleeping with interns in limosines. He's so stupid that it never occurred to him that his Coney Island bubble was the only place where that looked cool in court.

Enter Donnie Walsh. I would have loved to have seen a young GM brought in a la the Sonics Pestri. (Mr. West wrote about this before last season.) The NBA is behind the game when it comes to injecting fresh blood into the process. It's coming along, but the same old faces keep popping up everywhere, from coaches to GMs to players. Try something different for God's sake. The Major Leagues have famously embraced the new and different and many young GMs have made names for themselves in short order by going "new." Brian Cashman of the Yankees is a young-ish guy and started as an intern. Theo Epstein has won two World Series and made the Red Sox into the model franchise in the sport. C'mon NBA.

Back to Walsh...it makes sense to have a ship set adrift captained by an experienced leader with knowledge of the ins and outs of the league. The risky move with the greatest upside would have been the young guy, but the smart move here is the stabilizing presence of a respected insider. Walsh is no spring chicken, so you have to figure that he's going to get this thing straightened out and then pass the reins. His biggest move to date has been to commit to getting under the cap and making a run at the LeBron class of 2010 free agents. Next on the list is the hiring of Mike D'Antoni.

Hiring Mike D'Antoni. The EuroHoops era of basketball has finally hit New York. The Suns have been the model franchise in the NBA for adopting the European model of basketball. The Raptors went to the playoffs and turned their mediocre franchise around by doing the same. A lot of teams are going foreign and reaping the benefits. The Spurs wisely combined tough defense with an Argentine flair to build a dynasty. They play smart and hard and understand what a team is. As far as I'm concerned, getting as far away from the AAU player as possible is the key to building a winning franchise in the NBA. AAU athletes are stupid. They play street ball and don't understand the way to do it right.

Before you read this and get your back up about that last series of comments, understand that there's not a racial tinge in there. There's not an anti-streetball stamp on the statement that discounts the street from the development of the modern sport. I'll explain by saying that the AAU/Streetball model of basketball is one of flair and style before strategy. It's one of showcasing and entertainment before winning. A lot of those teams win because they have great athletes who are playing against other great athletes who don't know how to play. If two teams play equally bad basketball, despite their talents, someone's got to win out. The problem is, when those players go up against a team that is talented and knows how to play, they lose. Hence the Olympics and World Championships.

When Magic, Michael, Bird, Malone, Stockton, and the rest teamed up to play internationally they destroyed everyone. They were talented, flashy, and entertaining, but they knew how to play. Somewhere in the Derrick Coleman era things went terribly wrong and have spiralled downhill ever since. Is it the SportsCenter mentatlity? Is it the increasing echo-chamber of agents, entourages, and assorted hangers-on that have turned the AAU kid into a shitty basketball player? I don't know what the answer is, but one need only look so far as Stephon Marbury to understand it. Starbury is gifted. He's a gifted athlete. He's a gifted point guard. He was a smart player at Georgia Tech. He knew the game, but he didn't feel he had to play by anyone's rules but Starbury's. He was on the cover of Slam every week and had it all. Somewhere along the way the NBA figured out that he could drop 40 on you, but he didn't know how to make a team better. They let him drop 40 and beat him every night. That's why the Suns and the Nets gave up on him. That's why the Knicks are giving up on him now.

Getting back to D'Antoni, I expect to see him clean house. We already see the effect on the roster, and there's plenty more to come. This guy played in Europe and coached there. He saw the way that the European teams beat the NBA and have come to rule the sport in the new millennium. He may not win right away in New York, but I guarantee two things. One, the team will be better to watch night in and night out. Two, the club will no longer underachieve. Attitude and style of play are going to change in New York or guys are going to be shown the door. The new regime isn't going to let this group of mediocre players rule the roost. If you have LeBron and he wants to dictate to the club, it's hard to argue, but if it's Marbury or Zach Randolph, fuck 'em. Get out.

The roster is changing. I won't get into the long term plans for the Knicks and the cap today, except to say that there's a decent plan to get better and that it doesn't mean trading crap for more crap. The changes that are coming right now are going to have an impact and I want to highlight a few of them:

Chris Duhon is in the house. Make no mistake, I don't think this guy is a great player. His per-36 minute stats are extraordinarily mediocre with Chicago. The thing is, he's smart and he comes from a good system. More than stats, basketball is a sport of chemistry. I'm a stat guy, so I need to clarify that. Stats are simply a record of what a guy does on the floor. In that respect, all a player is in the end is an aggregate of his statistics. The thing is, he's an aggregate of some statistics that don't as yet exist in basketball as they do in baseball. Baseball has pioneered the analysis of value and performace via statistical modelling and it's easy to compare one player's impact against another's, even across eras. Basketball has no such system as yet. Duhon isn't great, but he's better than his range of murky NBA statistics tell us. His assist to turnover rate is phenomenal and he plays good defense. He also knows the game and can run an offense. Plug him into a D'Antoni system and he'll not only learn it quickly, he'll feel it and help his teammates feel it as well. That's the role of the point guard.

This is a plus, plus for the Knicks because it allows us to dump Stephon Marbury in a hurry. We can eat one year of his ridiculous salary, since he's coming off the books next year anyway and is poison to the locker room. I think Knick fans will be pleased with Duhon as the temporary solution to the point guard spot in this lineup.

Gallinari has arrived. Look at the picture of this kid. Look at that body. He's fuckin' 19 years old and growing. Every Euro gets compared to either Dirk Nowitzki or Darko Milicic these days, adding in recent #1 pick Andrea Bargnani to the mix. Gallinari is more Nowitzki than Milicic or Bargnani, although it's hard to say how good he'll be in 6 or 7 years. Nowitzki was a monster at 19 and put up slightly better numbers in Germany than Gallinari did in Italy, although I think Italy is a better league. I don't expect Gallinari to be the NBA MVP, nor does he have to be, so Nowitzki can be a nice ceiling to shoot for, knowing that slightly less can be equally acceptable.

Andrea Bargnani reminds me of Brad Lohaus. The numbers are astonishly similar. I looked at a photo of Bargnani and asked myself who he reminded me of physically and Lohaus came to mind. Then, it occurred to me that they play the same kind of game. Outside, weak defense, occasionally trying to beat a slower big off the dribble. Bingo the stats match up. Gallinari looks a lot like Detlef Schrempf to me, and to a lot of others as well. Both are lean, muscular, and mobile for players their size. I also thought of Dan Majerle when I saw that buff picture of Gallinari in his Knicks garb, but I think he's more of a power player than Thunder Dan. A better rebounder, if a worse defender. Either way, that's also a nice comparison for a 6th pick. Schrempf managed to put up a 15 year NBA career with averages of 14 points, 6.2 rebounds, and 3.4 assists. The prime of his career was spent with Indiana and Seattle, on winning teams, and he regularly averaged mid-to-high teens in points, between 8 and 10 rebounds, and about 4 assists per game. He averaged an astonishing 19 points, 9.5 rebounds, and 6 assists for Indiana in 1992-93 as a 30 year old.

If Gallinari does anything like Schrempf for the Knicks, I'll be overjoyed.

UPDATE 7/16: When I came back to look at this post again, I saw the picture of Gallinari and thought immediately of Tom Gugliotta. More than Schrempf, who is a fair comparison, I think Tom Gugliotta might be a decent projection for this kid. Maybe slightly conservative with his upside being closer to Nowitzki than Gugs. For the record, Gugliotta averaged 13 points, 7 boards, and 3 assists a game over 13 NBA seasons. He was injured as much as he played during long stretches and therefore never got any real traction as a player. His best year was 96-97 when he played all but one game for Minnesota, averaging 20.6 points, 8.7 boards, 4.1 assists, 1.6 steals, and 1.1 blocks per game. After that year, Gugliotta averaged about half a season on the DL over the remaining 8 seasons of his career. Too bad. If Gallinari can match his production and stay on the floor, we've got something.

Wilson Chandler is in the mix. D'Antoni has a man crush on Wilson Chandler. He said as much recently when he said that Chandler's mix of skills is intriguing. To illustrate how intriguing Chandler's skills are in a new look Knicks offense, the forward dropped 26 points, 8 boards, 3 assists, 2 steals, 2 blocks, and a three on 11 for 21 shooting in his Vegas Summer League debut against the Cavs. Mind you, the players on the Cavs roster were so anonymous that even their parents had to do a double take to recognize them. Chandler's not going to be the next coming of Shawn Marion for the Knicks, as he's never been so highly thought of in his entire playing career. He was a looked-over recruit as a high schooler, an interesting afterthought as a collegiate draftee, and a nice fill-in for the Knicks last season.

From late-March through mid-April last season, Chandler performed very well. He scored in double figures almost every night, rebounded a bit, and hit some threes. One of the positive things about Chandler that D'Antoni has to like is that he doesn't turn the ball over. He protects well and doesn't need to have the rock in his hands a lot to do good things. He runs the break, finishes well, fills the lane with the drive or the three, and is active around the ball. I expect to see nice things from the 21-year old this season.

Crawford/Q-Rich/Nate/Lee represent a group of players who stand to play important short term roles with this club. I listed them in the order of importance for the new Knicks. Crawford is the scorer and should have the ball in his hands a lot. He's going to drop 25 a game this season for sure. Q-Rich is the outside shooting valve that D'Antoni requires in his system to keep defenses honest. He's going to be Duhon's best friend in New York if he can stay healthy and in shape. IF. Nate Robinson is the backup point guard. I think he'd the Leandro Barbosa of the Knicks and could have real value off the bench for significant minutes. It remains to be seen if he can actually play the sport though, and we'll know soon enough if D'Antoni intends to use him or lose him. Lee is in the same boat. He should be the guy in line to get minutes here, but I expect him to be traded. He can't shoot so he has no place in the Euro system. I love the guy, as do Knick fans everywhere, but we have a glut of forwards. Gallinari, Chandler, and Richardson already have slots on this team and Zach Randolph is still around. Lee has value as a good player with a low salary.

Jones/Collins/Jeffries/Balkman/James are a group of guys that have no purpose in life as Knicks. Jones is a decent shooter and a hard nosed veteran. He may be out, but I'd keep him. Mardy Collins is out. Jeffries is stuck in New York, but can't figure in the mix much. Jerome James is on the target list for early departure with the club trying to convince him to retire. Yeah, right. And I'm about to win the lottery. James is content to sit the bench and never play at all. He can collect his big check and laugh all the way to the bank. Jeffries, on the other hand, is paid a lot of money, but wants to play. He sucks though, and D'Antoni should plant his ass on the bench until he demands to be released. He comes from a good system (Indiana) but he can't do anything on the court. He can't shoot. He can't pass. He can't rebound or defend particularly well. He reminds me of Josh Childress, if Childress had one leg. He reminds me of Shane Battier if Battier were legally blind. Renaldo Balkman is a player. He can do all the dirty stuff and has a place in the league. Just not with NY. I think he can be traded for a 2nd rounder. Do it.

Randolph and Curry are our baggage. They're exactly the same player in different length bodies. They're both Oliver Miller. Neither guy is in shape. Curry, especially, looks like he ate Jerome James with a side of fries and a super sized shake. Randolph is actually a good rebounder to his credit. Neither guy can pass, defend, or control the ball. Neither guys looks like he cares a lick about winning. It looks like the Knicks have some kind of deal in the works with the jilted Clippers for Randolph. Great!! I'll pay his airfare.

If Walsh pulls this off, I'll buy him a cake. Getting rid of one of these guys has to be a priority this offseason, along with the dumping of Starbury. Absent Randolph and Marbury, the Knicks should be a much better balance of players.

If I were making this roster, I'd go with the following:

Chris Duhon.....Nate Robinson
Jamal Crawford.....Fred Jones
Quentin Richardson.....Wilson Chandler
Danillo Gallinari.....Jared Jeffries
Eddy Curry.....Randolph Morris

The remaining two roster spots should probably go to Renaldo Balkman for his practice hustle, and a guy to replace one of the above stiffs in a deal that would include Lee/Randolph. If we can upgrade by dumping Randolph and packaging Lee, the above team could be bearable for the year. In the end, it's about the direction the team is taking. Q-Rich has no future with the team. Neither do most of the bench guys. The key is dumping and rebuilding piece by piece. One guy out, a decent player in. Slow and steady wins the race.

Will We Ever Post Here Again?

2008-06-22T20:53:00.001-07:00

Rockets Defense

2007-10-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

The Jeff Van Gundy era in Houston is mercifully over, as it was once mercifully over in New York. JVG was a coach who put his stamp on every possession of every game, and harped on the combination of physical defense and a plodding, shot clock grinding offense that was truly horrible to watch. As a strategy, Van Gundy's system was not substantially better or worse than the other systems employed by NBA teams. It created winning situations season-in and season-out, but led to a number of bigger problems around his teams. Players got banged up on both ends of the floor and had a very difficult time enduring the marathon 82 games of the current NBA format, not to mention playoffs. The lack of diversity in the offense also fostered boredom and stagnation on the floor that manifested in a lot of griping about opportunities or "looks" and took the joy out of the game for the more dynamic players on the roster.

From an aesthetic standpoint, the JVG brand of hoop was unwatchable. It was unwatchable from afar, as Eastern Conference fans only had to sit through a few meetings a season in the local market. For Western Conference fans, and particularly the fans of the Houston franchise, it was brutal. I witnessed this miserable excuse for a basketball program for years when JVG was scowling along the Madison Square Garden sidelines, but all that has changed. Rick Adelman brings a brand of successful basketball to Houston, which features a good deal of offensive variety and opportunities galore for the gifted athletes on the club. The question that he brings with him to the Rockets is how well they will continue to play D. An article in the Houston Chronicle addresses just that point:

"Jeff Van Gundy was a proponent of trapping the ball-handler on pick-and-rolls. Adelman will never trap with his centers, having Yao Ming or Dikembe Mutombo instead sinking back into the lane. He also will more often have guards try to guide the ball-handler toward the baseline."

This seems like a better situation in Houston. Yao Ming is not laterally quick enough to play the trap on a guard. It's also a waste to have one of the premier shot blockers in league history operating this way in Mutombo. Both of these guys are mountains in a league of relatively smaller players. Adelman's proposed scheme works to that strength, and while more traditional and safe from a defensive perspective, it's also going to keep the big men out of foul trouble. I should say, it's going to keep them out of foul trouble related to poor lateral movement on the screen, and reserve any fouls to the shot blocking function of the center position. Finally, it will save these players the fatigue associated with chasing guards and the pressure that their knees and ankles would bear in trying to keep up with a smaller player on a switch. Next.

"Van Gundy insisted on contesting every jump shot, and last season wanted closeouts, even if they meant going for pump fakes, believing that shooting percentages decrease off one- and two-dribble jump shots when compared to spotting up. Adelman will more often let a specific game plan determine whom the Rockets must close out."

As a rule, it's safest to treat each situation as a unique set of variables that require a unique solution. If you try to apply a science to everything in the world, the science is bound to fail. One of the strong points of the Rick Adelman system is its flexibility. Most often that flexibility is associated with the fluid offense, but also has to apply more broadly to an entire philosophy of basketball. Van Gundy's philosophy of rigid, hard and fast protocols for playing both ends of the floor are unmanageable and in the end make for a very long and grueling season. Essentially, the Van Gundy system is an 82 game playoff style of basketball that most players have a hard time playing for 10-20 games at the end of the year. Adelman's system is much better suited to keeping players interested and will prove valuable in the specific instances of Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming. A lot will be asked of these players and it should be interesting to see how much lighter they appear after the All Star break. Two statements that Coach Adelman made tell a big part of the story, in my opinion:

"I want to do some of the things they did because they were so solid at it," Adelman said. "I've said before, Jeff did a great job with them. When you start with the guys we have like Rafer (Alston) and Shane (Battier) and Chuck (Hayes), there's good defenders out there. You're going to be pretty solid defensively." "A little is on veteran guys, to see if we have the knowledge as the games go along, to see what the offense is trying to do," Alston said. "As opposed to having 20 to 30 set ways to guard, we might switch (on screens), or force a guy down, or chase a guy around screens. But it helps to have guys like Shane Battier and Chuck Hayes to facilitate defense."

What Adelman's system does that Van Gundy's didn't allow for is a level of trust among players that allows each man to do something different. On most successful teams the roles are divided according to strengths and weaknesses. With the dilution of talent in a 30 team league, there aren't enough big time players to fill out every roster. No one is going to have a team of 12 outstanding defenders, who can also play great on the offensive end of the floor. Guys like McGrady and Yao are more important as scorers than they are as defenders, and therefore should be complemented by the defensive role players on the team. Where JVG applied 48 minutes of tough pressure by contesting every shot, help defense from the Battiers and Alstons and others will allow McGrady to shoot the gaps, release early, and go for the steal. Yao will be able to hang back to block a shot or two, and cover for any mistakes that the guards make in man defense. Every player doesn't have to play tight defense on every possession.

This is not to be mistaken for giving up on the defensive intensity that is the hallmark of champions. Successful teams all play very good defense. The problem is, over the course of 82 games the "all out" style of play will kill you. A well rounded team that can score in a variety of ways can afford to be less intense on defense. In Van Gundy's world view, plodding "high percentage" offense necessitates tough and intense defense. His strategy is to reduce the number of possessions in a game, putting the clamps down on the opposition while maximizing his own looks at the basket. Rick Adelman's brand of basketball is a brand of trust. Play fluid, motion basketball on offense with a high IQ and stay in front of your man on defense. With guys like Yao and Mutombo you have a level of trust that a layup is not a guaranteed end result of a blown assignment. Use that. The Rockets are not the Nets, fielding mediocre big men that have little lane presence.

I think you'll see a much better season from the Rockets than you witnessed in the JVG era. Houston fans should breathe a sigh of relief that a more open brand of basketball will be played on their home court that doesn't sacrifice quality for giving up some of the control from the coach's chair.

The New "Allan Houton Rule"

2007-10-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

Rule: Never sign a player who just took millions of your money and returns the favor by not playing a single damn game in the past two years despite being the #2 highest paid player the league.

Sweet merciful crap, the Knicks signed Allan Houston.

After all the Knicks have done to themselves recently (Steve Francis, signing Jared Jefferies for more than $18, waiving Jalen Rose rather than sitting on his expiring contract, the Isiah Harassment case and Marbury intern limo bang this off-season, etc.) surely they must view the second-coming of Houston as good news.

But I am here to say signing Allan Houston is worse than all of the other moves Isiah has orchestrated.

As any Knicks or hoops fan would tell you, Houston was (is) a soft jump shooter with no heart whose career peaked when his ugly random runner fell in off the backboard in Miami. But more than that, the dude was one of those overpaid bitches who actually hurts you while he is on the floor. No defense, no guts, no intangibles. and the bitch (can Isiah still call a man a bitch?) has the nerve to declare he is coming back to the NBA.

Go back to your charity luncheons or else you'll get swatted.

In 2001, Houston signed a maximum 7-year contract extension with the Knicks, a decision that any intelligent creature knew to be a huge mistake for New York because it prevented them from making any moves for years and also paid a fluff player tons of cahs reserved for true stars. Houston's yearly salary of over $20 million made him a total anchor around the Knicks necks. Houston missed 32 games in 2003-04 due to a knee injury, and despite claims in the summer of 2004 that he would be ready to play the next season (he even refused to have surgery on his knee that summer), he played in only 20 games that season because he claimed injury hadn't completely healed. The knee injury would eventually force Houston to announce his retirement, on October 17, 2005.

And when he "retired" he took all of his damn guaranteed money with him. You know who was the 2nd-highest paid NBA player the past 2 years, right? Yep, this bitch. And he didn't play a single game.

For fans of Allan Houston, I think you might be mildly retarded or, at best, ignorant about hoops. His play was always super soft and one-dimensional. He was more Jeff Malone than anyone else. The stats that jump out? He averaged more turnovers and fouls combined than rebounds + assists + steals + blocks. What a sad little bitch.

YEAR TEAM G GS MPG FG% 3P% FT% OFF DEF RPG APG SPG BPG TO PPG
93-94 DET 79 20 19.2 .405 .299 .824 .2 1.3 1.5 1.3 .43 .16 1.25 8.5
94-95 DET 76 39 26.3 .463 .424 .860 .4 1.8 2.2 2.2 .80 .18 1.49 14.5
95-96 DET 82 75 37.5 .453 .427 .823 .7 3.0 3.7 3.0 .74 .20 2.84 19.7
96-97 NYK 81 81 33.1 .423 .385 .803 .5 2.4 3.0 2.2 .51 .22 2.06 14.8
97-98 NYK 82 82 34.7 .447 .385 .851 .5 2.8 3.3 2.6 .77 .29 2.44 18.4
98-99 NYK 50 50 36.3 .418 .407 .862 .4 2.6 3.0 2.7 .70 .18 2.60 16.3
99-00 NYK 82 82 38.6 .483 .436 .838 .5 2.8 3.3 2.7 .79 .17 2.27 19.7
00-01 NYK 78 78 36.6 .449 .381 .909 .3 3.4 3.6 2.2 .67 .13 2.06 18.7
01-02 NYK 77 77 37.8 .437 .393 .870 .5 2.8 3.3 2.5 .70 .13 2.21 20.4
02-03 NYK 82 82 37.9 .445 .396 .919 .3 2.5 2.8 2.7 .66 .09 2.17 22.5
03-04 NYK 50 50 36.0 .435 .431 .913 .4 2.0 2.4 2.0 .76 .04 2.04 18.5
04-05 NYK 20 11 26.6 .415 .388 .837 .2 1.0 1.2 2.1 .40 .10 1.05 11.9
Career 839 727 33.7 .444 .402 .863 .4 2.5 2.9 2.4 .67 .10 2.10 17.3

Dear Allan Houston,
If I catch you hanging out at the Garden like Charles Smith did for a few years, brave enough to show your ugly mug after what you did to this team, then I'll suckerpunch yer ass, too.
Signed,
Mr. West

News Flash! Pat Riley Finally Realizes Antoine Walker is a Fatso! Jabba the Hut sues for harassment.

2007-10-11T12:18:00.000-07:00

In this world of insane media coverage, I think I am most amazed that this writer, Tim Reynolds, actually earns a salary. Dude, Tim, you wrote a fluff piece on 'Toine being fat! And you treated the story seriously!! Either you have the best sense of humor ever or you deserve to be eaten by the Jabba the Toine.

By TIM REYNOLDS, AP Sports Writer
October 10, 2007
MIAMI (AP) -- Antoine Walker's level of conditioning is still a concern for the Miami Heat, and coach Pat Riley predicted Wednesday it may take the forward until January to meet his team-mandated body fat level.

The issue has been a thorny one for Walker and Riley for the past two seasons. Walker was briefly suspended by Riley last season over body-fat measurements, and was kept out of the opening day of training camp practice this year for the same reason.

According to the story, this is the deal with Toine's size as of Oct 10th:

Riley would define "optimum" as 235 pounds with 7 percent body fat. Riley estimated that Walker weighed 262 pounds with 15 percent body fat at the start of camp, and the three-time All-Star has been slowed by a sore Achilles' tendon for the past week. Walker currently weighs 256 pounds, Riley said.

OK, sure, like I am supposed to believe 6'8" Walker who is very out of shape only weighs 256. IF ANTOINE WALKER WEIGHS 256 LBS. RIGHT NOW THEN I AM ROBBING HIS ASS MYSELF NEXT TIME.

No, seriously, my man, the corned beef sandwich was this friggin big, dog!! And so I said to myself "Toine you love corned beef!" and so I ate the whole thing before the trailers even ended!

Antoine Walker Gets Robbed ... Hilarious!

2007-07-12T06:57:00.000-07:00

"It's the first Antoine Walker story where multiple random shots weren't involved."
"How did Antonie Walker prevent the robber from getting a shot off?"
"The Celtics hired the gunmen to reclaim money Walker previously stole."
"Walker reportedly told police he would have kept shooting until he hit something. Or even if he didn't."

CHICAGO (AP) -- Miami Heat forward Antoine Walker's home in Chicago was robbed Monday, the player's agent said.

Police and witnesses said two offenders held Walker and at least one other person at gunpoint during the robbery, Chicago broadcasters reported from the scene in the city's River North neighborhood Monday night.

Walker's agent, Mark Bartelstein, confirmed the incident took place but said he could not give specific details.

"He's OK," Bartelstein told The Associated Press. "There was a robbery. It's a scary thing. It's a terrible thing. He's trying to get himself back together. Police are there and he's getting it taken care of."

Sonics & Celtics Get their Trade Shit On

2007-07-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

Celtics get: Ray Allen and the #35 pick
Sonics get: Jeff Green, Delonte West, and Wally World

Mr. East says ... It's tough to trade one of the best players in the league. You never get fair value back. I remember the Sixers traded Charles Barkley for Jeff Hornacek, Andrew Lang, and one of the NBA stiffs named Perry. Maybe Tim. Ray Allen instantly teams with Paul Pierce and Al Jefferson as the best threesome in the East. The Celtics are a Finals contender and only need to figure out which of their billion point guards are going to control this mess. They also need to hope someone will step up to play center consistently. I think they have a few strong candidates, including Kendrick Perkins.

Detractors say that Allen and Pierce will need more than one ball to keep them happy. To those people I say, "Didn't Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker play well together?" There is no bigger chucker in basketball than Antoine Walker. Allen and Pierce are both fairly efficient players and Pierce is a very nice distributor. If anything Allen's presence outside will help Pierce raise his FG% next season and take it to the rack.

The Sonics are headed in a different direction with a great new GM from the "young and dynamic" school of front office management. They are dumping all ties to the past and retooling for a few years down the road. They'll swing some kind of sign-and-trade for Rashard and now have Allen off the books. Reports have the Sonics trying to keep Lewis, but I don't think he wants to be back. Look for Luke Ridnour to be an Atlanta Hawk before July is over. This team will look very different going forward with Kevin Durant the main man. I like the idea, but I think they should have gotten more for Ray Allen than this.

"Say, you heard the one about a coach and a GM that are so shitty they get paid $2 million a year to ruin their franchise? Hilarious!"

Green will be a good pro and West is already a very tough player on both ends of the floor, but Ray Allen had to be worth two picks from someone. They should have demanded Gerald Green as a part of the package at least.

Mr. West says ...
Being a Sonics fan, and perhaps the only one in NYC, I gotta say I was torn on this draft news. Ray Allen is the best shooitng guard in the NBA. Period. The dude has the sickest and quickest release plus his offensive game is more balanced than people think. Basically, he is a shorter Paul Pierce with a better shot. So I did not want to see him go. And I still think it is a mistake.

Here are the key takeaways from the trade:
A. All this talk of Ray Allen being injured and old and useless is overblown bullshit. The dude can ball. Celtics fans have not seen a shooter like Ray-Ray since, well, you-know-who. Years of 'Toine chucking shots has ruined their reality.
B. Jeff Green is a reach at #5 for the next couple of years but he will develop into a better NBA player than college. The Hoyas restricted him somewhat. Still, he does not have the true explosive athleticism you need at #5. He is a little too stiff.
C. Wally Szczerbiak must have signed a deal with the devil. Not only did he get a $61 million deal from the T-Wolves before being dumped on the Celtics, he now is handed the starting shooting guard slot for the Sonics where fans and owners have zero expectations.
D. Why the fuck did the GM lil' Petris take on that Wally contract?
E. Delonte West has a decent game is he gets playing time.
F. Little Lukey Ridnour needs to be shipped for the good of the team and his own career. Early Watson shoots better, defends better and so does Delonte West.
G. The Celtics have a bunch of losers playing point (Telfair, Rondo?), hysterical contracts at center (Olowakandi and Ratliff), big kids playing forward (Jefferson, Big Baby, Perkins) and then Pierce and Ray-Ray. Having 3 positions plugged with NBA back-ups is unwise, as is relying on the health of both Pierce and Ray-Ray.
H. How many damn games does Ray-Ray and Pierce play together this season? 60? I'd like to see that over/under.

Oh, little Telfair. Even the Celtics don't want you. Life sucks when you peak at 17. Nice watch, though. Might wanna eBay that shit about now.

At the end of the day, I think the Celtics improve the most but at what cost? Danny Ainge better have a few deals in the works to make this team win 40+ games even in the pathetic East. If he is relying on Al Jefferson to become solid and his two all-stars to kill it nightly, well, good fucking luck. Ainge is the genius behind the Sebastian Telfair orchestration, 'nuf said.

And for the Sonics, the West is brutal for them. Durant might be the One. But they do need a guard who can consistently score plus a 7-footer who can actually play the game (unlike their magical string of stiffs going back to Rich King, Jim Macilvaine and Ervin Johnson). But they seem to be creating a unit centered around versatile small forwards who have more skills than the opponents. Not bad in theory, I suppose. Still, this team leaves Seattle next year and Rashard Lewis is still up in the air so who the fuck cares about the 2007-2008 season for them anyway since they don't themselves.

Knicks & Trailblazers Freebase As One!

2007-07-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

The Portland TrailBlazers get: Steve Francis and Channing Frye
The NY Knickerbockers get: Zach Randolph, Dan Dickau, and Fred Jones

Mr. East says ...
The Blazers must be smoking some of that herb that Randolph left behind. Steve Francis is going to play where? You have Brandon Roy, Jarrett Jack, and Sergio Rodriguez. He'll come off the cap in the near future, so they will eventually get more big money to spend in free agency. Channing Frye is a talented player, but last year showed that he isn't comfortable playing next to a guy who dominates the post. Frye took a step back when paired with Eddy Curry last year and now he'll be stuck in a logjam with Oden and Aldridge. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

The Knicks, on the other hand, score one of the best low post scorers in the game. Randolph has issues that won't get any better playing in ultra-intense New York City but he is gifted and young. The main question is how he will fit in with a similar offensive player in Curry on the block. Randolph is versatile enough to shoot from mid-range, so he might just find a comfort zone. His rebounding is the main bonus. Randolph is everything on the boards that Curry most certainly is not. Curry's work around the glass on offense will be complimented a lot by Randolph's offensive board work. Add David Lee, Wilson Chandler, and possibly Randolph Morris, into that mix and the Knicks will be very tough to rebound against. That's key. The addition of Dickau and Jones, two decent players off the bench, complicates playing time for Nate Robinson, Jamal Crawford, Quentin Richardson, Mardy Collins, and Jared Jeffries. Where the frontcourt depth looks good, the backcourt depth is a mess. A potential train wreck.

Another problem that will rear its ugly head is that with Randolph and Curry the Knicks probably have the softest interior defense in the league. Look at the blocks per minute numbers for those two guys. Ugly. Also, neither of them pass a lick. Both Curry and Randolph are the 2 assists per game variety big men, who suck the ball up like a black hole when it comes in to them. Good players everywhere, terrible team building. They need to trade some of these guys for better fitting parts even if the talent they get back in return is of lesser quality.

Mr. West says ...

This trade is sorta like watching two non-boxers try to box: at first, you kinda wanna see anything go down but then you basically realize that hacks don't make for good sport. With all the trade analysis, here is what jumps out at me:

A. Two disinterested fat shits in Zach and Eddie won't earn the love of New York. The City wants players who hustle, scrap and attack. Maybe years of Allan Houston wimpiness and Starbury ego tripping has softened Knicks fans up.
B. Portland did themselves a favor by clearing out some room in the backcourt to force more playing time and space for their younger ballers like Roy.
C. Isiah dumped Stevie Franchise (Killer)'s contract. Yes, only in the NBA do other GM's willfully take on monster deals that kill cap space. Always another sucker. So Isiah just pulled his best move as a GM right there. Wow, Isiah is not retarded! (just stupid).
D. Zach must have been despised by Portland management. Portland took on Steve Francis knowing he will make $16.4 million in 2007-08 and $17.1 million in 2008-09. Wow, they must have HATED Zach Randolph to accept these concrete shoes. Normal media outlets call this stuff "off court issues" while I call it being a world-class asshole. Either way, the team had enough of this prick.
E. We will all quickly find out if a team can or cannot succeed with a huge low-post center and Zach on the floor at the same time.
F. Fred Jones has skills but adds more shooting guard issues to the Knicks bench. Someone has to be cut or traded from that scene.
G. LaMarcus Aldridge is going to have a (relatively) monster year-- he will bust out like the Dwight Howard of the West. Portland must be banking on that.
H. The "Eddie Curry Line" may now be titled the "Eddie & Zach Line". Can these Beef Brothers of the 21st Century actually have more blocks, assists and steals than turnovers? Let the betting begin.

Overall, I think both teams will improve over last year. The Knicks have a starting 5 of Curry, Zach, Marbury, Crwford and Quentin Richardson with David Lee as the 6th man. Despite their shitty coach and terrible chemistry they HAVE to win some games in the East, even if by accident. Portland is in the West, which means being realistic and planning ahead. So, in the long run, Portland fairs better just because they have Oden and because Francis' contract will come off the books in 2 years.

You just know what Zach is thinking: fuck if I care where I play as long as I can hit the buffets at strip joints after the game!

Quit Your Complainin'

2007-06-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

For anyone who thinks they "can't", I direct your attention once again to the story we ran last year about Jason McElwain, the autistic kid that drained 6 threes in garbage time for his high school. Guess what? That ain't shit. Every heard of The Wizzard of Basketball? Bet you haven't Check him out.

And if that didn't get you, maybe version #2 will convince you:

This guy's name is Vijay Patel and he's from Montreal, Quebec, Canada. If you ever hear yourself complain again, or if you ever consider giving up on something because it seems to hard, man up. Just try to find half the guts and devotion this guy has and you'll do alright.

Hawkish on Atlanta

2007-06-24T22:37:00.000-07:00

Check this out. The Atlanta Hawks have changed uniforms AGAIN. Doesn't it seem like they get more image makeovers than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? It never seems to take. The reasons are obvious. One, the team is bad. Two, the makeovers usually entail some variation on orange, yellow, and black which has to be one of the most ill-advised color combos for any sports franchise in existence. Your fans want to wear your licensed apparel, but if it looks like that no one but the most insanely die hard fans will shell out the cash to wear something the dog coughed up. Third, changing so many times is a signal to people that you don't have your shit together. Why would you be a fan of a team that can't figure out who it is?

Your new $150 jersey may be out of date in a year. Your attachment to certain players may end up going out the window as the team figures it needs wholesale changes to avoid another embarrassing trip to the lottery. Imagine that you pay premium money for seats and apparel for a team that is never the same year in and year out. You buy the new 2007 #12 Johnny Hawks jersey only to find that not only has the whole uniform changed, but that Johnny Hawks is now Johnny Raptors a season later. No wonder the arena in Atlanta is always empty.

Anyway, the Hawks have gone back to red, white, blue, and silver as their color scheme and they've jazzed up the hawk logo. It reminds me a lot of the change the Blue Jays made a couple of years ago in changing from the more ornithologically correct head shot of a Blue Jay, to the attack-mode killer Blue Jay that now graces their uniforms. What do the Hawks hope to accomplish by doing this? It's obvious. They want to suck less. Well, actually they really want to appear as though they suck less, right? They are still going to suck until they get a clue about how to build a better basketball team, but they'll look less suckish sucking this season.

The Hawks website has a little pictorial slideshow of past Hawks uniforms and a timeline of what they wore, when they wore it. I'll post the timeline jpeg here for you to click and enlarge and then run down some of the more egregious uniforms in the selection with a little commentary. Here we go:

First, Pete Maravich was a genius. He died way too young, and it's noteworthy that he would have been 60 this month. Playing like "Pistol Pete" would make just about any uniform look reasonable, but even so this was a stretch. It's funny to me to see this oddball uni, knowing that there was virtually no such thing in this world as marketing in 1970, at least as we know it today.

Putting a line green uniform on someone and expecting a good reaction is a bit far fetched, but I have to admit that those uniforms are appealing in a kind of retro-mod way. Especially the matching striped socks. I think it's probably cooler to walk around with this uniform on in 2007 than it was to play in it in 1970.

Soon after, the Hawks changed directions and opted for the orange and yellow monstrosity that they wore for decades after.

I skipped over some of the more nondescript orange and yellow uniforms. They all look like something out of Hoosiers. Block letters on the front. Generic, clip art, numbers. For a good stretch, the Hawks just wore boring uniforms, not so much ugly. If you look at this uniform from the 80's and early 90's, you'll know it as the most famous uniform in the team's history. The reason being, Dominique was the ticket to highlight reels everywhere. Dominique, in many ways, was the inventor of the SportCenter coverage of basketball.

If you do a 360 windmill dunk in game action, you will 100% without fail be on television over and over and over and over and over for about 2 months. This uniform is ugly. It's hideous. It's like the classic SuperSonics uniform with a worse color scheme and goofy lettering. The thing is, Dominique wore it and did magical things on the court. That, in and of itself, makes it cool. I wouldn't wear one, but.....

...it's certainly more imaginative than this from 1992. As the quality of player wearing the uniform went south (Pistol Pete, 'Nique, Mookie Blalock) the interest factor in the uniform also disappeared. At least the other versions of the Hawks uniform were either wild or boring. This uniform has no redeeming quality whatsoever. It's gaudy, but uninteresting. The lettering is splashed across the front like Shazam, but there are no other flair points. The arm and necklines of this uniform are yellow and white piping surrounded by a giant field of red.

Come to think of it, these look a lot like the ugly Rockets uniforms of the Hakeem Olajuwon era, only with cartoonish letters across the chest. Make up your minds Atlanta. Are you going to look like ridiculous superheroes, or are you going for the tragically boring look? I'm guessing that our next Hawks uniform will be infinitely worse, somehow.

OH GOD!!!! I'M BLIND!!!! OH, MY EYES!!! LORD HELP ME!!!!

Boy, was I right. Someone got my message, presumably by traveling ahead in time and reading this blog. Gone is the mix of cartoon and blah, and welcomed to Atlanta was the 1996 full blown cartoon jersey. This monstrosity featured the current team logo in it's earlier orange form, vomited across the front of a gradated black and orange field. It's like the "zubaz" version of an NBA uniform. Gaudy. Classless. Without any chance of aging gracefully. I love the Yankees, Red Sox, Tigers, Celtics, and a few other teams' uniforms because they have changed very little generation to generation. Those are all respectable sports franchises because (1) they win, and (2) they dress respectfully, so they aren't the laughing stock when they lose.

Nobody fly in the house of Mutombo.

I also skipped the more recent Hawks uniforms. They haven't been as bad as that Mutombo jammie, so I figured I'd give them a pass, although they did go with a full yellow version that can be seen in the timeline jpeg found above. That alone should give the Supreme Court impetus to overturn the First Amendment, on the grounds that not all expression can be reasonably accepted by a decent and moral society. The 2007-08 uniforms are okay. They look a lot like the Nets uniforms, frankly. Red, white, and blue are played out as far as I'm concerned. The Houston Texans of the NFL went with the scheme despite the Bills and Giants already wearing it. The Ohio NHL club wears it despite the Rangers having worn those colors for a million years. The Washington Nationals chose it despite the Texas Rangers and Chicago Cubs having made those schemes famous. There's nothing particularly original about red, white, and blue these days. It plays up the whole nationalism thing that's popular nowadays. We are proud Americans, and such. These colors don't run, especially in the deep south. Yee ha!

It does nothing to change my perception of the sad sack Hawks. It doesn't make me waver in my belief that the basketball Gods should open up the earth and swallow that franchise into the pits of Hell. The team still isn't any good, and they won't be any good in our lifetimes. Joe Johnson is a nice player. Josh Smith is busting out. Uh.....there's that guy with the afro. And, tiny point guard guy. Not to mention, stiff lifeless big man, whatshisname? Tree Rollins? Uh...plus "As yet to be Named 2007 Lottery Draft Pick" and "2008 As Yet to be Named Lottery Draft Pick" and "As Yet to be Named 2009 Lottery Draft Pick" and....

Nice uniforms. Good luck with that.

How to play Kobe like a yo-yo

2007-06-18T10:26:00.001-07:00

So suppsedly Kobe wants to be traded. Again. Maybe. The Lakers are trying to rebuild and Kobe doesn't want to be a part of it. Though the mixed messages and sources of the information are tough to track. But let's ignore the current complexities and assume he is playing the trade card.

In a way, we understand. As a competitive player, some would say the best player in the world, Kobe wants to play for a title every year. Loyalty would demand that Kobe stick around and help the Lakers to get back to being a contender by holding down the fort until things can be worked out. Especially since he helped Shaq out of town. He's become rich thanks to LA and he's won 3 titles already (again, only with Shaq). Without Bryant, Lakers' fans will have to endure what Knicks' fans are going through. Years of painful rebuilding with no apparent end in sight. With Kobe, Lakers' fans will at least get their money's worth night in and night out, and the team can actually rebuild while remaining somewhat competitive. It's a good situation.

That's not the way that things go down in the modern NBA. Players don't care about anything but their own situation for the most part. They care about their money. They care about their chances at a title. They often care about their stat lines. Whatever. I don't care about any of that really. I could get "holier than thou" and preach about how these spoiled millionaires should think about something other than themselves sometimes, but I won't. It's only my personal values and I don't know how able I'd be to stick to them if I were in an NBA superstar's shoes. Instead, I want to look at what the Lakers should do. What position are they in?

What would I do if I were the Lakers? Remember, he has a no trade in his contract and supposedly only would go to New York, Chicago, or Phoenix.

1. Keep Kobe

Mr. East: There's every reason to tell him to shut the fuck up and play. He has a contract. He's very well paid. We stuck by him during the rape business that made us look bad as his employer. Things got better and now he wants out? Fucking crybaby. Tough luck. You're staying and you'll like it.
We'll never get fair value in return for you, and I'm not about to go making another team a championship contender on my dime.

Mr. West: If I am the Lakers, I know Kobe is a head case. The dude is super fragile mentally and easy to control as long as I let him have his occasional outbursts. As evidenced by his declarations on radio shows and web sites, he likes to talk a big game to others but here in Lakers circles he apologizes and plays nice. We'll let him think he is winning at his game of threatening to leave just to get better teammates. I need this spoiled insecure shit because he is a sick hoops talent, draws fans, and is my best chance to win in this town. I have a very long leash with him and try to him forget that Tim Duncan is also in the West.

2. Deal him to Phoenix

Mr. East: The Lakers would never do this, because they don't want Kobe dropping 80 points on them in a playoff series. That said, why not deal him for Shawn Marion and Barbosa? Something along those lines would probably get you closer to fair value than anything else. That trade makes good sense for both clubs. Nash, Kobe, and Amare in Phoenix. Barbosa, Marion, and Odom in LA. The Lakers surely lose something, but they lose less than they would otherwise. Again, never happening.

Mr. West: The last the Lakers need is Kobe playing for Phoenix. So I only let this happen if I get to cripple the Suns for it. And Steve Kerr won’t let me do that. I'd demand Nash and Marion plus 1st round pick far into the future. The Suns don’t want or need Kobe-- they need Amare to step it up against Duncan somehow. This is not a possibility.

3. Deal him to Chicago

Mr. East: I'm not sure what it would take to get this done, but Kobe would love to take over where MJ left off. He's copied everything about Jordan there is to copy. He's virtually a carbon version of His Airness, maybe without some intangible greatness that I can't put my finger on. Jordan was just so predictably unbeatable. Kobe is great, but he hasn't lifted the Lakers without Shaq and that's something Jordan would have done. Chicago has too many pieces, and needs a superstar to take the last shot. It's not Luol Deng. Kobe subtracts excess parts and adds the main ingredient. The Lakers would have to get back a lot to get value in return. Duhon, Tyrus Thomas, Nocioni, and either Gordon or Deng. I just can't see something that disruptive or complicated going down. Forget the Bulls.

Mr. West: This would be perhaps the biggest trade in NBA history. The Bulls will likely not want to break up their progress to absorb Kobe BUT if the Bulls lose in Round 2 next year, they very well might need to make a major move. Depending on salary matchups, I could see myself offering Chicago, after next season, Kobe for Deng, Ben Gordon, and two #1 picks. Chicago would not part with Deng but, hey, I got Kobe. Checkmate on that.

4. Deal him to New York

Mr. East: Zeke is already foaming at the mouth trying to make this happen.
If he pulls it off it will probably forgive every stupid thing he's ever done and that's saying a lot. Getting Kobe would go a long way toward erasing Marbury, Francis, Rose, Crawford, Richardson, and the rest. You'd really have to entice LA with young guys, which you have, but do you have enough? Is it enough to send Crawford (for contract reasons), Lee, Frye, and more? Would you do that if you were LA? Your package would have to look better than Chicago's. Could it? Is either Lee or Frye more enticing than Tyrus Thomas, for example? Could you offer any value close to Gordon or Deng? Probably not. You'd be counting on working out a deal for your big contract guys to head to LA as part of a package of "prospects" and I just don't think Jerry Buss would go for it. It would be great for the NBA to have New York back, but why would the Lakers care about that? This ain't going to happen either.

Mr. West: Running the Lakers, this is my best option (if I have to trade him). Why? Ship to Kobe to the other coast, far from LA so we only play him twice a year. Also, Isiah Thomas surely is the dumbest man in basketball so I know I can get a fantastic deal out of him. I also would hype up NYC to Kobe to get him all excited and pressing Isiah for it to happen. The problem is that the Knicks are loaded with expensive, shitty talent. So I ask for the following after next season (or my trade deadline if the Lakers record is kinda weak): David Lee, 2 expensive (Crawford, Francis?) but expiring contracts and three 1st round picks, every other year from NY. Why only want future talent and expiring contracts? Easy-- I am gunning for LeBron in a few years. I create max cap room, let the Spurs get 2 years older, offer LeBron the world then capitalize on all those Knicks picks to trade or use if some special talent comes along.

In the end, Kobe is going to stay where he is.
They'll figure it all out and make him happy. LA won't be good again for awhile, and by that I mean championship good, but they'll compete. Kobe is a competitor and he'll just go out every night for 40-50-60 points. LA fans will get their money's worth, the Lakers will be able to hold off the ugly rebuilding that they'd do otherwise, and that will be that.

Kobe could opt out in 2009, but so what? Let him. Better than accepting a package of unattractive players just because you suddenly feel pressured. Kobe holds the cards in any deal, so fuck him. You hold the real cards with his contract. Period. we'd love to see Bryant in a New York uniform and to save the NBA's ass from itself. It would be good for New York, and therefore good for ratings. Too bad it will never happen.

Worst NBA Finals Ever.

2007-06-15T11:46:00.001-07:00

All you need to know to confirm that the NBA Finals were a total fucking dud is the following:

The Spurs were outscored by 31 points (!!!) in the 4th quarter during the series.

This is almost unfathomable seeing as how: A) the series only went 4 games; B) they won all of the games; C) their average winning margin was over 6 points; and D) teams are supposed to try hard in the 4th quarter of NBA Finals games. As any intelligent NBA fan will tell you, NBA blowouts are avoided, for the most part, as winning teams coast in the 4th quarter, allowing the losing teams to bridge the gap and earn respectable losses. We here at East vs. West call it the “Charles Smith as a Clipper” or “Tony Smith as a Timberwolf” or “Joe Johnson as a Hawk” phenomenon. But for this to happen 4 games in a row and in the Finals and by the notoriously defensive-minded Spurs?!!?! Dude, they coasted because the Cavs were never even in this thing.

Cleveland never scored more than 20 points in a single quarter in first half play all series. Yes, 8 quarters and never more than 20 points scored.

The Cleveland totals for first half play: 35, 33, 38, and 34.

Someone please stop Eric Snow from appearing in the NBA playoffs anymore. For the love of the basketball gods, make him stop. I’d rather watch Larry Hughes feign injuries and suck ass getting mutilated by Tony Parker.

What the Fuck is Wrong with You File: Case #001

2007-06-15T05:10:00.000-07:00

You know this guy? Yeah. Former Oklahoma State power forward and Golden State Warrior, Byron Houston.

I remember him as an undersized PF that could rebound like Barkley and score from various angles. We were in college at the same time, and I remember watching him in the tourney. He never translated to the NBA, mainly because of his lack of size. He was like Clarence Weatherspoon without the smooth in his game. Guess what? He gets naked and masturbates while watching people from his car. It's not that he pulled an Eddie Griffin and did it once. This cat is straight loco. He's been caught multiple times and got booted from a children's basketball camp in 2006 in Texas because he was registered as a sex offender in that state. He's at it again.

Yeah. He had his drawers on the dashboard while sitting at an intersection playing "Whack a Mole". Byron....what the fuck is wrong with you? I feel for you if you have a few marbles loose. Mental illness is a sad and lonely thing. But, c'mon. You can't keep getting caught for the same shit after you've been tabbed a sex offender. Imagine being booted from a kiddy camp because of that and then continuing to do the same thing. That's a cry for help. Get his ass put away for awhile and help him to figure it all out.

By the way, this story was more interesting to me than the Spurs winning the title. That's the NBA.

Why Are NBA GMs So Bad? Enter: Sonics new GM Pestri

2007-06-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

The world of professional sports is basically a carousel of former players and coaches, which goes round and round until one of them dies, or new blood is introduced via the pathways paved by one of the old school. "Oh, young Douglas? He was an assistant at UNC for 10 years and attended Coach Wooden's camp every year. Bring him in."

But the NBA seems to flaunt this inbred style of personnel moves more than any other pro league. Surely, the coaching circuit is an old boys network. But we want to analyze one particular job in the NBA that baffles us: General Managers. Why, in a world of openly disclosed contracts and simple player evaluations, are NBA GM’s doing such poor work? And why is the changing of the guard taking so long to go into effect?

Sure, the “old boy network” happens in baseball, when the managerial candidates for a vacant job are all up and coming pitching coaches, or bench assistants, but the 65-year old retread is brought in thanks to his "track record" in the clubhouse, or some such thing. But the trend is changing on the diamond with more and more younger faces gracing the dugout. The bench assistants are more often those grizzled faces nowadays, than the managers. The major hot spot is now with GMs in baseball as they are likewise whiz kids with new ideas and a fresh approach to analyzing organizational resources. It's a complex sport with multiple positions, an ever widening international talent pool, and a multi-layered system of minor leagues. There's always room in baseball for a new idea, and a different take on the same old game. That's why it endures, despite no major rule changes in generations.

Billy Beane and Theo Epstein are the golden boys of baseball new GM renaissance. Brian Cahsman of the Yankees was 30 when he took over. John Daniels of the Rangers was born in 1977 for chrissake. Josh Byrnes of the Diamondbacks was 35 when hired after an internship under Theo and the Sox.

Basketball is different, though. The NBA, in particular, is a closed environment. It's a place where the sport that has captured the world's imagination over the last 20 years has gone to stagnate and die. Euroleague is far more innovative and exciting than the NBA, despite having inferior quality talent and a more diluted structure. Why?

The reason that the Euroleague is thriving and the quality of the sport is making leaps and bounds is because European clubs have invested in building. The NBA invests in marketing.

Many European clubs, for example, are part of a larger sports family that owns soccer franchises run like multi-national corporations. European soccer franchises like Real Madrid make US sports organizations look like mom and pop operations, stuck on an old dusty Main Street. They invest in research, medical technology, and multi-layered club systems that bring in young talent from all over the world and nurture it until it's ready for prime time. Those clubs take the word "organization" to another level.

The NBA is easy to figure. There are only so many people with any power in an organization. The GMs generally come from the ranks of the former coaches that couldn't find work, but know their way around the league. The coaches are similarly connected, and maybe you'll see a former assistant get a crack. The problem with the NBA is that there is no vision. No one has a vision and the courage to follow it.

The best visionary decision making has taken place with the hiring of Mike D'Antoni and his system in Phoenix. Enter Steve Kerr to run things. It's the Toronto hire of the people from Benetton Treviso. Hell, Mark Cuban is the owner that skirts the description I made just a moment ago. He flipped the Mavericks (fittingly) on their heads and did things differently. Yeah, he's a goofball, but he's also the kind of spark that the NBA needs to break out of the Stone Age.

The NBA was in this kind of situation before. The ABA was exciting and innovative and fun. The NBA was the Celtics, traditional and stoic and professional. There's certainly more to it than that, however. The ABA tried new things. There was the multi-colored ball and the afros and the fast break. There was an All Star Game that featured a slam dunk contest. The NBA was conservative and locked in the yester year of American society.

The same thing is being repeated today. The NBA is corporate. The NBA is standing in mud. No new ideas, unless you call the various silly rules changes that have gone on every year for the past 15 new ideas.

Where is basketballs version of Bill James? Where are the pioneers of advanced metrics in the sport of basketball? Bill James created a new way to look at the very old and traditional environment of baseball by challenging some of the myths that persisted about how to play. Is it really worth giving up a sac bunt? Run Expectancy charts now tell us no. Is Player X more valuable to my team than the guy on the bench or the guy banging down my door for a tryout? Clay Davenport and the people at Baseball Prospectus continue to challenge the way organizations make decisions about talent and value. Value Over Replacement Player, or VORP is just such a statistic, and you can bet that the best GMs in baseball consider it a powerful tool in their bag of tricks.

Ask Theo Epstein. Ask Billy Beane. Ask Brian Cashman.

Basketball is on the verge of dealing with its environment in this way, but advanced metrics have hardly caught on in any real way. You have people at www.82games.com and at www.basketball-reference.com providing a different look at the sport via data, but it is hardly pervasive. The encouraging sign at this point is the inclusion of additional stats at NBA.com and other popular sports outlets. You see efficiency ratings and data per 48 minutes for the first time now. A positive move in the right direction.

Yes, Ray-Ray, a 31-year old kid from Emerson College is now your boss.

Now let’s take a look at an NBA team taking a risk on new, young GM talent. Adding a young, progressive GM to their club is potentially a saving point for a franchise like the Sonics, teetering precariously on the edge of becoming obselete. If young 31-year old Pestri brings any fresh ideas to the table it will help not only the Seattle club, but just may prove to be the nudge needed to have other clubs follow suit. You may see more Mike D'Antonis and more Don Nelsons at the helms of NBA franchises.

Seattle is basically trying to poach the Spurs philosophy by hiring a young kid to run their squad. Yes, Ray Allen, this little red haired kid has your future in his hands. Goodbye Rashard Lewis, Hello Kevin Durant. And why not? Pestri surely knows just as much about hoops as Isiah Thomas or Danny Ainge from a player evaluation sense. And Pestri surely won’t make the moronic free agent and trade moves of the good old boys. Why? Because he is smarter and shrewder and not interested in giving Mark Aguirre a job for no reason.

What we've seen since is the natural decline of a league which never had fresh new ideas, but rather a stretch of good fortune created by a series of unrelated but collectively dynamic events. It's up to outside forces to change the league, and it looks like they may actually be pressing their cases enough to have that chance. I like Toronto. I like Dallas. I like Phoenix. I like the new direction of the Sonics. If we're lucky, even more new faces will enter and bring new value to the league. If we're lucky the faces that are already starting the change will not stop where they are now. More needs to be done, but it can happen. Keep the faith and demand a better product as fans because no old boy GMs are going to give it to you.

Jeff Foxworthy is cooler than LeBron

2007-06-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

NBA Finals TV ratings suck eggs. Dozens and dozens of eggs.

So much for LeBron saving basketball. The spanking that the Spurs are putting on the Cavs after two games is generating so little interest outside of us sports nerds that more people are watching “So You Think You Can Dance?” than the NBA Finals. Sad.

"No, dude, seriously, this is the NBA Finals, we should focus." [pause] "ha, ha, ha, good one, motherfucker!!"

Game 2 pulled a 3.7 rating and 9.2 million total viewers. Total viewers were down 20% from last year's first game, which featured the Miami Heat and Dallas Mavericks. That series had its own set of NBA stars with high Q ratings—namely Shaq and Dywane Wade.

Fox's "So You Think You Can Dance?" It earned a 4.3 at 9 p.m., and led all network shows. With a solid 3.0/10 from "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Fox's pair of question-mark shows pulled off another win for the network, tossing LeBron’s attempt at playing Jordan into the cheap seats.

maybe we should be watching this dancing show after all

Surely, the decline of ratings and audiences for sports on TV has been well documented over the past 20 years. The fact is that outside of the NFL, sports on TV simply is overrated and does not draw the crowds. The NBA knows full well that the guaranteed money from ABC/ESPN/TNT for TV rights is modern day piracy, but if the big networks feel the need for it, well, good for the NBA.

But the Spurs are a fiasco in terms of drawing and keeping fans to tune in. Add a pathetic showing by the Cavs and early game blowouts and it all adds up to more people watching a show that is an inbred version of “Fame” and “American Idol” with a slight case of downs syndrome.
So in light of America tuning out the NBA Finals, here are some new names we came up with for ABC to use:

“Are You Smarter Than LeBron James?”
“So You Think You Can Beat the Spurs?”
“Cold Case: Larry Hughes”
“The Boobie King” (homage to Daniel Gibson and LeBron)
“CSI: San Antonio”
“World’s Funniest Blowouts”

Mr. East Note:

I saw the ratings on this series too and thought about exactly what Mr. West wrote above. Great minds. I think it's safe to say that the NBA is about as compelling as watching paint dry. I commented on a now-defunct hoops blog of some note about 2 years ago that sports depends on a compelling storyline to succeed as a televised commodity. The gist of my pre-blogging rant was that Red Sox/Yankees is compelling because there's history, rabid fan bases, close proximity, and Babe Ruth. Celtics and Lakers was compelling because Magic and Bird faced off in college and both teams were just so damn good. The East Coast tradition versus the West Coast showtime was a great storyline. Bulls vs. Pistons was great because both teams kicked each others' asses for years, one winning the title and the other going home pissed. The essence of a good rivalry makes for good television.

So, we've had Mavericks vs. Heat (2006), Spurs vs. Pistons (2005), Lakers vs. Pistons (2004), Spurs vs. Nets (2003) and Three Lakers Championships with a Pistons vs. Knicks in the 4 years prior. It seems to me that the key ingredient is the lack of a rivalry. No storyline. No history. No compelling struggle between the Irresistable Force and the Immovable Object. Both the Spurs and Pistons have made multiple appearances, but they've only played one another once. The Lakers played 4 times in recent years but they played a different Eastern Conference club each time. LeBron James is mildly interesting, but name one other guy on that club that makes great drama. You can't. The Spurs are completely uninteresting. Duncan is a dud of a personality. Bowen is one of the most hated players in the league, which would drum up some kind of passion if he didn't suck, or if he had plaid hair. Ginobili is occasionally exciting and Parker turns it up a notch in the playoffs, but who are they matched up against? Is there anything in the matchups that equals "Must See TV"? Larry Bird isn't walking through that door.

Parity is death for interesting hoops. It would be much better if the NBA abolished the salary cap and killed the small market clubs. New York vs. LA would be much better to watch than what we have now. Cleveland vs. San Antonio? Oooooooh. Those cities hate each other.....

Nothing will ever happen to make this a good situation. At least not until all the stars are aligned with two teams that can't be beaten in the East and West. Lakers versus Celtics would be good. 4 or 5 years of the same shit would actually be good for the sport, like the Yankees winning it 4 out of 5 years in the 1990s. Now they can't win, so everyone is happy, but when they won it made for good TV, even if it was only to root against the Evil Empire.

LeBron Saves Basketball

2007-06-07T20:56:00.001-07:00

Thank the lord for LeBron. Or his mom.

His Game 5 Eastern Conference Finals has given interest in the NBA a major shot of adrenaline. A Pistons-Spurs series might have kept the NBA stuck in reverse. Really, could we find two teams who grind out every damn play and make the refs blow whistles all night long? But LeBron's 48 points made sure some people outside of Detroit and San Antonio actually will watch the Finals.

We here at East vs. West pride ourselves on unconventional hoops coverage. And there has been so much overalanysis of LeBron in these plaoffs as it is. But, goddamn, did LeBron put on a show! In Detroit. In double overtime. Scoring 29 of his teams final 30 points.

For those about to rock, we salute you.

Meet Knickerbocker Strong

2007-05-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Isiah Thomas, the #9 pick will be sent to Chicago for the #23 pick. Yes, Eddy Curry was effectively swapped for Mike Sweetney, but I'm allowed to brood. With the #23 pick in the 2007 NBA Draft (the deepest in years) the Knicks select.....

Ben Strong, Center, Guilford College (NC, Div.III)

Thanks Zeke.

Meet SuperSonic Durant

2007-05-24T08:22:00.001-07:00

Letters: "The NBA is Just Plain Ugly"

2007-05-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. East & Mr. West ... below is a letter we got from some crazy dude. We now love him.
I gotta ask you....why the hell do you even like the NBA??? Man that is some boring ass garbage to watch.

What the hell is everyone talking about with LeBron? I heard Barkley or Kenny Smith say that the floor "parted like the red sea." Kenny whatshisface on Sportscenter said it was a clear path to the basket. The TNT guys went off for an hour about how Lebron has to take over, he's not a supestar, blah, blah, blah. Seems to me that this type of pressure that has been going on for years is the cause for the selfish, lifeless, boring, bullshit hoop that I see now.

NBA games in the regular season are complete bores. Playoff games are slightly better. These guys play when they're when the want to play. It's like a league of Randy Mosses.

I hate to be this guy but I just have to be this guy right now. Womens hoops is better than mens. And its way better than NBA. College hoops is another story.
THe NBA sucks. People have to sit there and defend the league. "Well Golden State vs Dallas was good." Let's face it, there are way more crap games than good games.

These experts are fucking idiots, it's this pressure for everyone to be the superstar, to "take over the game," to prove that they can make the big shot, etc, etc. What about playing sound basketball, what about fundamentals, what about the team?

The NBA is just plain ugly. I don't see how you can watch. The end of games is absolutely dreadful. Whistle after whistle, time outs, intentional fouls, free throws, rebound, time out. Then a play that looks like the coach said okay guys inbound the ball to someone, that guy dribble it up and then you know drive to the hoop, leeeeet's break. At least baseball is supposed to be 85% boring. NBA is supposed to be Fan-tastic.

I don't know much about hoop and the plays and that stuff but I know when something looks graceful, looks like it has a flow, looks pretty. NBA has a couple players that I feel like that with. One is Nash, the other is.....there has to be another one.

Lebron has looked like garbage, attacking triple teams all game and losing the ball. The he actually draws three defenders, kicks it out for the win to a WIDE OPEN teammate and he's criticized for it!!!! What a fucking joke.

I've whittled my sports viewership down to NFL, and MLB (which is just Sox and Yankees for me). I watch some UConn womens games in order to spend time with my 90 year old Grandma and I'm telling you, they play harder in a 40 point blowout then NBAers play in the final seconds of game 7. What a bunch of bums.

People leave the bench and everyone criticizes Stern? What the fuck do we have rules for? Do we only suspend players if they'll only miss a game that isn't supposed to be a "good game." Do people actually think that the commissioner should take the level of the importance of the next game into consideration? What the hell do you do the next time? Do these people understand what setting a precedent is?

Anyway, cool blog. I watched the final 3 minutes of the Pistons game with these guys last night and I felt like it took longer then the whole torturously horrible Red Sox game I had just watched. It was just brutal to watch.

The Northwest Strikes Back!! Boston goes to Hell!!

2007-05-22T20:27:00.000-07:00

With Mr. West living in NYC and Mr. East in Japan, Portland and Seattle represent a sort of magical far-off portion of the United States that means little to us. Hey, no offense, Northwesterners but all that pops to mind is lumber, grunge, Bill Walton, Starbucks, Microsoft. And the mighty fucking SuperSonics!

Hello, Seattle. Or Oklahoma City.

The 2007 NBA Draft Lottery just took place. We tried to tell you people over a month ago (check the post): "So, according to East vs. West, somehow the Sonics will sneak in to grab a top #1 or #2 spot. God bless them. And Portland seems fucked." OK, so we blew the Portland prediction but we got the Sonics!

Boston, this jerkoff caused your Lottery tumble ... look at him!

And how can we not send a shot out to Beantown for dropping all the way down to #5? Sixers, Nets and Knicks fans thank you for being such wonderfully unlucky bastards over the past 20 years or so. Of course, all fans of other Atlantic Division root on such shitty teams no one really cares anymore. But we still love to see the Celtics get fucked again.

We'll do a full Draft prediction post later on.

Vince Carter: Life's Little Failures

2007-05-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

Sheesh, looks like all those Vince-hating fans in Toronto were on to something. Vince Carter got his ass handed to him in the playoff series versus the Cavaliers. Sasha Pavlovic and Eric Snow kicked his ass. And now it looks like Vince's career may not be able to recover from his own glaring shortcomings that shone so bright.

The stats don't say all that much, other than showing Vince has a sub-par series: 11 points in games 5 and 6. 6-for-23 in game 4, ending in a miserable end-of-game scenario where he faltered and lost the ball. But it was his Game 6 disappearance act that confirmed what those north of the border have been saying for years: Vince Carter is a big-game zero ... a highlight machine but not a winner ... a drama queen who shirks responsibility.

And now Vinsanity looks to be relegated to YouTube clips of Frederic Weiss being leapt. Why?

Without a doubt, Carter totally tanked his play while in Toronto to force a trade. Such an act is a true to sign of cowardice, a bitch move of epic proportions. It wasn't as if the man pulled an Iverson and went light in practice or feigned illness to skip out on some random PR event for some sponsor. Carter played so terribly as to essentially throw games. And Toronto got screwed because of it. And the NBA let Vince get away with it, to the benefit of the Nets.

Perhaps Vince listened a little too much to Homer Simpson: "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."

But, more likely, Vince is just one of THOSE guys. Oh, you know, the types: they play up their injuries yet also keep playing in a poor attempt to get you to say "gee, man, your leg is almost broken but you keep playing ... wow, you are the toughest man I have ever met." Those types also get offended when lesser players try super-hard against them and make life difficult for them (Bruce Bowen may be a prick but Vince shrinks like a dick dipped in ice water when playing the Spurs). Those types also do nothing to elevate the play of others when the going gets tough.

The Nets coach Frank stupidly played into the hands of the classic NBA superstar ego playbook, with chapters written by the likes of Dominique Wilkins, Wilt Chamberlin and even Stephon Marbury getting a footnote here and there. Frank's offense was reduced to handing Vince Carter the ball and telling everyone to stand and watch. Good move, Frank, just what Dr. Nasimith ordered.

So to Vince Carter, I say grow some balls. OK, that might be harsh. Grow some hair on your balls.

Steve Kerr Calls It: Bullshit!

2007-05-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

The suspensions handed down in the Suns-Spurs series got tons of coverage, about 75% of the opinion that the NBA's suspensions were poor. But only Steve Kerr, writing for Yahoo!, made a key point that shows a major flaw in the NBA's policies it has concerning leaving the bench.

"However, if the league decides to suspend Diaw and Stoudemire, it may have to suspend Tim Duncan and Bruce Bowen as well. In a play that went entirely unnoticed until well after the game was over, both Duncan and Bowen actually left San Antonio's bench early in the second quarter after Francisco Elson and James Jones were entangled. Replays clearly show Duncan walking several steps onto the court as Elson and Jones appeared to be ready to get into it. Bowen then followed Duncan onto the floor, grabbed him and led him back to the bench. If the league does indeed follow the letter of the law, both Spurs players would also be suspended for Game 5."

Kerr brings up a key point: if the NBA follows the letter of the law, why aren't Duncan and Bowen suspended, too?

The NBA Shanks the Suns, Fondles the Spurs

2007-05-16T06:48:00.000-07:00

Mr. East rages on!:The NBA is possibly the worst of all the professional sports leagues.

Why? Because they don't understand their product. The NBA has so little confidence in it's own sport that it has to make up artificial reasons to go to games. Halftime shows by B musical acts, juggling monkeys, and all the rest of the crap that makes up the circus side show of an NBA game. I'm not here to rant about all that though. I'm on a rant about the actual product.

The NBA suspended Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw for leaving the bench during an altercation against the Spurs involving "Big Shit" Bob. What would you have done if the league refused to protect its reigning 2-time MVP from a bunch of no talent thugs? You'd bust someone's ass. That's what I'd do, and I think rightly so.

Hockey has too many stupid fights, but when a guy clubs another guy with a stick they brawl. That's a good thing. It prevents teams from sending goons out there to hurt someone. When a shit pitcher beans a cleanup batter, benches clear and guys get into it. Why? To protect their teammates from bullshit, dirty play. It's a built in mechanism to deter "hackery".

The only way any of these leagues can do something about dirty play is levy hefty suspensions for each incident. Bowen would have been out multiple times by now. Horry would be gone the rest of the postseason. By not having the balls to step in and stop the violence, the league gives San Antonio a license to keep playing that way. By suspending the Suns guys for leaving the bench to dole out some much needed justice, they leave it open for Bowen and his crew of thugs to goad more Phoenix players into retaliation. If that happens, Phoenix loses. Simple.

What kind of effect does this have on the series? It's huge. The Spurs have gotten away with virtually every dirty tactic in the game and then the Suns get punished. It almost guarantees the San Antonio boys will advance to the Conference Finals, while the best thing that has happened to the league since "Showtime" met Bird and Company goes home.

The Spurs are awful to watch. They are cheap and grind the entire sport to an unenjoyable halt.

Bruce Bowen knees Nash in the groin and we get to see more Spurs basketball.

Robert Horry throws a clothesline, and the Spurs wear the crown.

If you ask me, cracking down on the Spurs' dirty play and suspending Bowen and Horry would be a good start. If there's another incident, suspending Coach Jackass would be a great move. It won't happen because the NBA has no balls. They are a gutless bunch of bureaucrats who can't assure that the most entertaining brand of basketball is played every night. If they strapped on a pair, maybe the rest of the league would look more like the Suns.

If I were the Suns, and the waning seconds of my season were upon me with the knowledge that it was over, I'd go seek out Horry and Bowen and kneecap them. I'd undercut them a la Charlie Ward and P.J. Brown. Maybe I'd jab Duncan in the eye with a thumb or pull Ginobili down by his shoulders as he drove to the basket. Why not? The season is over and the Spurs got to advance via dirty play. May as well take out a few frustrations on them the way they've manhandled you. The league isn't going to put an end to it, so maybe the Suns can exact some serious street justice and make the Spurs understand that one dirty play is cause for another. A season ending eye-gouge to Duncan would make Bowen and company think twice before they did anything dirty again. By the way, yes, I am suggesting that inflicting an intentional injury to a star player is a good idea. Not just a bruised knee either. I'm talking about something that is going to hurt for weeks and will seriously affect the ability of that player to play his game at the level he is accustomed to playing. Nothing permanent or career threatening, but something to send a real message to the Spurs. Hockey mentality basketball.

Only something that insane and drastic will make the NBA change its ways.....Only, the Suns have too much class and professionalism to do something like that, right? Too bad.

Mr. West Piles On!:
I understand the letter of the law and I understand the spirit of the law. And the suspensions of the Suns players and the subsequent fallout debate centers around "letter vs. spirit." Fine, clear enough. Or, in this case, unclear enough.

But the NBA is exhibiting classic chickenshit authority. I'd argue they actually got away from being so anal after the Pistons-Pacers brawl by basically saying "we don't give a shit what precedent we set before or what the Union says or anything else-- we're handing down punishment for what we think happened." And I thought they did a good job in that case. Why they are sticking their heads in the sand now is stupid because this is a crucial series, one which most hardcore fans realize is truly the NBA Finals as these are the best teams left playing.

The NBA allowed Bruce Bowen to get away with two cheapshots (the Amare achilles squash and the Nash knee-to-the-groin) but now can't go back in time to suspend him. In theory.

As Mr. East wisely put it to the Suns, a la Sean Connery as his character was dying in "The Untouchables", now what are you prepared to do? Athletes and sports teams are so un-political these days, they have no idea of the power they weild and influence they have. If the Sun sit back and take this, they are stupid. And I'm not suggesting violent tactics, I mean somethign yet smart. Here are some ideas I have for the Suns:
1. Stage a sit-in, on the court, before tip-off. Protest the suspensions. That will generate some good attention. Agree to play only if Bruce Bowen is suspended for a game. You think the NBA will call a forfeit? No way!
2. Put in a total scub and have him pick a verbal fight with Popovich and players everytime down the court near the Spurs bench. Then attack a small Spur, like Tony Parker, right in front of the bench, thereby drawing Spurs right in front of the action to leave their bench.
3. During the game, have anyone being guarded by Bowen literally run into him while dribbling. Force the refs to call "block" or "charge" every single time donw the court. They will foul Bowen out, guaranteed.

To the Suns, I say you have been fucked by the NBA and the Spurs. Let's see what you've got!

Bowen: A Total Dick or Just Misunderstood?

2007-05-14T19:52:00.000-07:00

Bruce Bowen's antics have become a headline these playoffs as a knee to Steve Nash's groin and a foot on Amare's heel caught some attention. In typical fashion, the media and even players alike have been very wary of even taking on stand on the matter:

Is Bowen a dirty player or not?

Mr. West says:
Damn fucking straight he is a dirty player. A total dick. I'll call him out.

Like a European soccer thug, he has mastered the art of acting innocent while hurting players. To the fastass on the couch and to the refs who need crystal clear proof, Bowen's moves are pure accident. To anyone who balls a lot and has played in some very testy streetball games, Bowen's tactics (not moves!) are plain as day.

Look at the clips:

Bowen's favorite move is a variation of the Euro defensive hoops move whereby players feign an undercutting move as the opponent shoots, which throws the shooter off. No one does this in US play, it's very Euro, a tactic developed by slower guys who could not compete with leaping ability and instead positioned themselves underneath shooters. But Bowen had gone a step further by sticking his foot out on purpose after the shooter leaves the floor to elevate. The foot is planted underneath the shooter so the shooter therefore either lands on it and lands to avoid it, throwing off the rhythm. Bowen is even so cagey as to turn his head away from the shooter, following the flight of the ball, as he sticks his foot out. This gives the illusion it is a natural move simpy because he is not looking at where he plants his sneaky foot. Please, people. No one does this unless they mean to do it.

The Bowen Ankle Breaker has been used on other top 2's notably Ray Allen, Kobe, Rip Hamilton and Vince Carter, plus a couple of Knicks as of late.

Ray-Ray going after Bowen kicked his back while both were on the ground.

His other moves are typical cheap shots- usually involving his feet and even his head. Like I said, very Euro. Watch the Vince Carter clip all the way through. The Bowen Ankle Breaker on the shot is clear. But wait until they show you the clip of Vince Carter "headbutting" Boewen earlier. Watch what Bowen does beforehand-- yes, he slips his head into Vince's to instigate it.

In the 2007 Playoffs, his attempt to step on Amare's achilles heel is no joke. Watch the extension to plant his foot on Amae's backside during take-off. Dirty shit. Bowen, you are a dirty dick.

Now, does playing dirty make it "wrong"? I'd argue yes. I am not one of those types who thinks Bowen's play is OK just because he helps his team win. Do others play dirty? Sure. But no one getting serious playing time plays with the malicious intent of Bruce Bowen, and that is the difference.

I just wonder why the media is so slow to admit to what they see and why other NBA players downplay it as well (except for his victims, who want to kill the guy).

Mr. East says:

There have always been rough and borderline dirty players in the NBA. The Pistons of the late 80s were one of the dirtiest teams around. Rodman was the leader of the Bad Boys, and regularly clipped, tripped, and tried to injure Scottie Pippen. It worked and the Bulls took a long time to figure out how to beat them. In the meantime, the Pistons won a couple of titles at their expense. Zeke was dirty. Mahorn was dirty. They won.

The Knicks of the 1990s were among the successors to the Pistons hackish style of play with Pat Riley goading Anthony Mason and Charles Oakley to be rough on opposing bigs. Starks was a tough defender but he flopped and chopped his way into the hearts of Knicks fans by abusing Jordan and company as well. The Spurs are the inheritors of that legacy in the late 90s and early 2000s.

Bowen is a good defender, but one of the most aggregious hacks in recent memory. He's just plain dirty in a far more dangerous way than the others I've mentioned so far. Rodman was occasionally dangerous with his below the knees stuff on Pippen and company, but he was also an All World defender without the dirty play. Bowen is nowhere near the defender that Rodman was, but every bit as dirty. One of the main reasons I hate the Spurs with every last breath is that they ugly up the game.

It's a little hypocritical for me, as a Knicks fan, to call out a club for uglying up basketball games, but it's true. People hated the Knicks because the won dirty. The Spurs are the same. Duncan is great. Giniboli is occasionally great. Parker is a good point guard, if not great. Everyone else is a role player.

The main claim to greatness for the club is their tough defense, but it's led by a shady character that wouldn't even be a professional player if not for his defensive reputation. Much of that reputation comes thanks to his ankle breaking, groin-kneeing techniques that are designed to worry athletes about their health and career viability on every play. That's bullshit.

Dirk is Dead, Long Live Baron!

2007-05-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Since supposed experts of the NBA and sport NEVER look back after they publish something, we at East vs. West always are forthcoming about how our picks panned out. That said, Round #1 of the 2007 Playoffs are finished ... how'd we do?

Dirk looking better here than trying to take any Warrior off the dribble

Pistons Sweep Magic (East: Pistons over Magic in 5. West: Sweep)
Neither of us gave the Magic much of a chance, but Mr. West gets kudos for being aggressive with the "sweep" prediction. I thought that Howard and company might play well enough to make a little dent in the awe-inspiring Pistons, but it wasn't to be. You have to think that the Magic will need some serious changes in the offseason to have a real chance at the Finals while Howard is young.

Cavs Sweep Wizards (East: Cavs over Wizards in 4. West: Sweep)
This one was too easy. No Arenas and no Butler meant no chance. Simple. The NBA is too tough to predict anything but a sweep when 2 of the 3 star players on a roster are injured. This is not the NCAA Tournament or the Lake Placid Olympics and we don't believe in miracles.

Nets beat Raptors in 6 (East: Nets over Raptors in 6. West: Nets over Raptors in
6)
We both pegged this one, too. 6 games seemed about right. The Nets are good, but they are thin up front. In the playoffs you can't pick a team with such little frontcourt talent to dominate, regardless of how good the backcourt is. The Raptors were too green. The only exception I can think of to that rule is the Jordan Bulls, who used MJ in the post during the best years.

There it is, Fat-Ass. That is the exit. Please, take it.

Bulls sweep Heat (East: Bulls over Heat in 6. West: Bulls over Heat in 7)
We both made the pick, so give up credit. We also thought it would be a little competitive, which it wasn't. I suspected that the Heat would lose because Wade and Shaq didn't have enough time on the floor together this season to mesh. They were also less than healthy. Both of those factors meant that the team would have to rely on Antoine Walker, James Poser, Jason Williams and the rest of the has-been cast. Expect big changes in Miami this summer.

GS over Dallas in 6 (East: Golden State over Dallas in 7. West: Dallas over
GS in 6)
The feather in Mr. East's cap, picking the fucking Warriors to win. He saw this one coming a mile away. Dirk is a great player and he probably deserves the MVP. Butt it also shows that the regular season doesnlt mean too much. He needs to look at himself in the mirror for the loss in this series, but let's all be honest: Baron Davis is MUCH better than Jason Terry. Jason Richardson is MUCH better than Stackhouse or Harris. The GS supporting cast of Barnes, Harrington, Ellis, Biedrens and Jackson is MUCH better than Diop, George, Croshere, Dampier, Kevin Willis, and Ronaldo Blackmon. The Warriors finished the year hot and healthy. That's the only reason they weren't a 5 or 6 seed, instead of an 8.

Suns beat Lakers in 5 (East: Suns over Lakers in 6. West: Suns beat Lakers
in 6)
We both picked this one as well. The Lakers put up a bit less of a fight than either of us thought, but is the outcome at all surprising? Kobe is bizarrely gifted, but everyone else is crap. He should have gone to the Clippers when he had the chance. Speaking of which, the Clippers kinda sucked this year, huh?

Spurs over Nuggs in 5 (East: Nuggets over Spurs in 6. West: SA over DEN in
6)
Where Mr. East hit on Golden State, he blew it on the Nuggets. Iverson is by far the best player on that team, but he deferred to Carmelo a bit too much. And Mr. West thinks the Iverson-Denver dream will now end. The Spurs' defense pisses off its opponents, and it pisses off anyone who cares about entertaining quality basketball. We hate watching Bruce Bowen. They'll probably win it all. Dicks.

Oh my god! McGrady lost in Round 1 again? I'm SOOOOO shocked.

Jazz over Rockets in 7 (East: Rockets over Jazz in 4. West: Rockets over
Utah in 7)
Ooph. At least West picked this series' games correct. One thing Mr. East kept thinking to himself was, "Van Gundy's got T-Mac and Yao. He's got the 3-point shooters to spread the defense, and he's got the role players to do the dirty work in Battier and company. How can he lose?" He lost because he doesn't understand how to let players blossom. He tries to control everything so tightly that his teams habitually play to the level of whatever opponent is in front of them. The Jazz are a good team, but the best two players in the series were on Houston. As soon as the series went to 7, we knew the Jazz could win since the Rockets are so mentally weak. We also suspect that Van Gundy would be out. Good riddance.

Yo, Vegas! Mr. East picks them ALL right!

2007-04-24T05:40:00.000-07:00

OK, so all of the first games of the NBA playoffs happened. And Mr. East corectly picked every single one of them. So I'm flying him over from Japan to hit Vegas, mortgaging my house, selling my Simpsons goodies, and putting it all on whoever he picks next. "oh, big fucking deal!" I can hear you saying. "Anyone can pick the Pistons, Suns, Cavs and maybe the Nets to win in an upset!" Yeah, well, he also picked the Nuggets, Bulls, Rockets and the amazing Warriors.

Granted, it was only game #1. If his picks hold up, everyone better kiss his ass.

2007 Playoffs Picks! Bulls, Warriors, Crack, Freebasers!

2007-04-21T18:23:00.000-07:00

Stephen Jackson- Hero to Some, Dapper to Others

The 2007 NBA Playoffs are in effect! We gaze into our crsytal ball and see ... nothing. We don;t own a crystal ball. We own a Spalding "never flat" which is, duh, flat. The pix:

Mr. West's picks...

Pistons over Magic in 4. Detroit has it all and the shallow Magic aren't in any position to expose the weaknesses. Dwight Howard might get in some highlights but this series looks done before it started. Maybe Detroit gets lazy for a game but that's it.

Cleveland over Washington in 4. LeBron gets the best break of his career so far when Agent Zero and Caron Butler miss this series. Coulda been a good revenge series from last year. Much as I don't trust Larry Hughes, Eric Snow and Sideshow Verajeo, no group led by Jarvis Hayes and Antonio Daniels is gonna pounce.

Nets over Raptors in 6. The NBA playoffs do not reward teams who have underperformed all season. Nets are pretty much the only underperfomers of this season who can turn it on and thrive bu only because they facee Toronto. The Nets Big 3 are overrated but no one on Toronto can even spell "playoffs."

Chicago over Miami in 7. Many predict the Heat to fall this year. I say it starts early. The Bulls earned some respect last year in the playoffs and their tough, balanced approach is more than an older Shaq and damaged Wade can handle. You think old bastards like Payton, Posey and 'Toine are gonna make the difference in a seven games series? Uh, no.

Dallas over Golden State in 6. Why can the Warriors cause the Mavs some stress? They are a bunch of crazy fuckers who don't even know any better from the top on down. I'm gonna rely on Dirk and Jason Terry before I rely on Stephen Jackson and Jason Richardson & Co. I could see some great, fun games developing, though.

San Antonio over Denver in 6. The Spurs are back in form as the dark, evil empire. The Nuggets have recently gotten Iverson in the mix properly but is it enough to take the Spurs? Bad bet. If Nene and Camby deliver solid D and a little O, watcch out. Spurs have a habit of losing early round playoff games.

Houston over Utah in 7. T-Mac is overrated and a slacker. What's worse for the Rockets is that they are thin and Utah will match their desire to make each possession count. I see Utah trying to beat up McGrady and Yao- and failing. AK-47 regressed this year, so expect McGrady to go off and earn some respect.

Phoenix over Lakers in 6. Kobe can do what he wants but it won't be enough. Nash will do his thing, and the star of the game will rotate each game from Amare to Marion to Bell as they get hold and cold. But the constant of Nash will not relent in this series.

Round 2 will go as follows:
Cleveland over Nets in 7.
Detroit over Chicago in 6.
San Antonio over Dallas in 7.
Phoenix over Houston in 6.

Conference Finals:
Detroit over Cleveland in 6.
San Antonio over Phoenix in 6.

Finals:
San Antonio over Detroit in 6.

Mr. East pix ...

Pistons over Magic in 5. This could be a surprise in the making. Dwight Howard might be the best
player in the series, but he won't quite be enough. The Magic have a puncher's chance against the might Pistons, but Chauncey Billups is too much for anyone trying to defend him.

Cavs over Wizards in 4. The Wizards have no chance, right? No Arenas. No Butler. It's over. I agree. I would have picked the Bullets if Mr. Hibachi was around, but he isn't.

Nets ovr Raptors in 6. The Raptors had a nice little season. They won their first (watered-down) division title and found a nice mix of players to help them compete for years to come. The Nets are a better team. Watch. Yes, Chris Bosh is great. Anthony Parker has translated his EuroLeague success to the NBA. Bargnani is good. You still have to figure out how to stop Kidd, Carter, and Jefferson. In the end, I think the Nets will win this one, despite a very strong showing by Bosh. T.J. Ford is NOT the man.

Bulls over Heat in 6. The Heat are the defending champs. They have Shaq and Wade. Well, they have a 90 year old Shaq, and a one armed Wade. You can tell me that Eddie Jones, Antoine Walker, Jason Kapono, Alonzo Mourning, Jason Williams, Udonis
Haslem, and James Posey are enough to make up for the crippled stars. No way.

Golden State over Dallas in 7. This will be a fun series. I actually give the Warriors a puncher's chance in this one too. Baron Davis, Jason Richardson, Al Harrington, Stephen Jackson, Anthony Biedrins. Sounds good to me. I know the Mavs are great, and I know that Nowitzki should be the MVP, but I just don't know. I like the Warriors post-All Star break edition and they are very hot. I'm going upset.

Suns over Lakers in 6. Kobe is a machine. Cyborg. Terminator. Odom is very good. That's about it. It's a testament to Kobe's greatness that they are even in the playoffs. Not for long. Kobe will win two games by himself.

Nuggets over Spurs in 6. Marcus Camby gave Tim Duncan fits in the 1999 Finals. He will do it again here. I hate the Spurs. They are just horribly uninteresting and while they play basketball very very well, I don't think they will be able to stop
Allen Iverson. Iverson fit in very well with the Nuggets other players, but this is killing time or it's dying time and he's an assasin. I'm going with The Answer.

Rockets over Jazz in 4. I don't like the Rockets to go far in these playoffs, if only because I think T-Mac is made of paper mache. They will easily handle Utah though. Utah is undersized to play against Houston and while they will use their quickness to counter Yao, he will eat them alive in the end. Utah has zero chance.

Round 2 will go as follows:
Nets over Cleveland in 6.
Detroit over Chicago in 6.
Nuggets over Golden State in 5.
Phoenix over Houston in 4.

Conference Finals:
Detroit over Nets in 5.
Suns over Nuggets in 7.

Finals:
Suns over Detroit in 6.

Mr. West on ... the Sun is Shining

2007-04-19T20:45:00.000-07:00

As Mr. East has noted below, the NBA season has ended. Which means the Lottery teams are set. Using a couple of the NBA ping-pong ball simulators, here is a combined tally of the 40 scenarios we ran (Mr. East's 20 are also listed below in his posting).

Out of the 40 scenarios we ran, this is who got #1:
- Celtics (13 times)
- Sonics (10 times)
- Milwaukee (6 times)
- Memphis (6 times)
- Atlanta (2 times)
- Chicago (1 time)
- LA Clippers (1 time)
- Charlotte (1 time)

So, according to East vs. West, somehow the Sonics will sneak in to grab a top #1 or #2 spot. God bless them. And Portland seems fucked.

We'll do a full draft analysis later.

Now, concerning Phoenix. They own Atlanta's pick if it falls between #4-#6. According to our scenarios, there is a 40% chance it will happen. But it sure would be fun if it did.

Sun is Shining

2007-04-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

The NBA Draft Lottery is still a ways away, but I started thinking of something interesting. The top pick is a matter that everyone interested in the NBA will be focused on in the coming weeks, but that's not the intriguing thing to me. I charted some possibilities for that pick using the ESPN.com Mock Lottery generator, as well as the Real GM version. The top pick was, of course, something I kept track of as I clicked refresh, but I wanted to see how likely it is that the Suns will grab the Hawks pick in the top tier of the lottery. A lot of crappy teams will be praying night and day that they fall 1 or 2 in this draft, but with a deep crop of incoming players a team like the Suns stands to really cash in. Let's look at what I found.

I clicked the ESPN and Real GM lotteries 10 times each. Of the 20 clicks, I got the following results:

The Top Pick

6/20 Seattle Supersonics
5/20 Boston Celtics
3/20 Memphis Grizzlies
3/20 Milwaukee Bucks
2/20 Atlanta Hawks
1/20 Los Angeles Clippers

The Suns

9/20 Picks 4-6
11/20 No Pick

It would seem that the Sonics and Celtics are going to be excited about either Oden or Durant come draft day, but a few sneaky surprises always make this thing interesting. The point of this was the Suns, so I find it interesting that my very small sample size has given the Phoenix boys a 45% chance of scoring a pick between 4 and 6. If I clicked a billion times, the results may vary a bit, but generally speaking you have to like their chances. ESPN gives users the benefit of a pick prediction with their lottery, while Real GM is more no frills. ESPN predicts in each of the instances where the Suns get Atlanta's pick that they will use it on Brandan Wright, freshman power forward from UNC.

Wright is a 6'10", 210 pound force that reminds many people of Chris Bosh. That hardly seems fair, does it? Phoenix adding Chris Bosh to the cast of characters they already play is potentially insane. Nash, Bell, Marion, Wright, and Stoudemire with a bench featuring Diaw and Barbosa! You know I'm going to be there cheering on the Suns on Draft Lottery day. I could care less about anything else as a Knicks fan....except maybe the Bulls pick from the Eddy Curry trade coming near the end of the dealings.

Go to Hell Ping Pong Balls

2007-04-12T16:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not really a big Bill Simmons fan. Usually, I think his ESPN column is more geared for the fan who likes juggling monkeys during time outs, and Justin Timberlake at the Super Bowl. You know, he's the cotton candy of sports journalism. His column is full of pop culture references like the ones I used above, and the actual sports analysis is generally a bit on the thin side. Not too much to gloss over the eyes of the less inquisitive fan. He's not altogether bad, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into when you make that decision to read his work. The latest piece had a few interesting points that I wanted to highlight here.

To provide you with a little background on the piece, in case you don't want to read the whole thing on your own, he says that the NBA is suffering because teams are now inclined to tank the season to get a top pick. He tells us that the lottery was originally designed to prevent "tanking" and preserve the integrity of all the games late in the season, even involving teams long since eliminated from the playoffs. Simmons suggests that the return of this "tanking" mentality came when the Magic won back to back lotteries, snagging Shaq and Penny in successive offseasons. The league weighted the lottery, foolishly returning the incentive to "tank" to the game.

Here we are in 2007 with the big stars at home with their feet up, fantasy GMs left scratching their heads during championship week with their best players missing a boatload of games to "injuries", and fans paying premium ticket prices to watch D-League performers trip over themselves on a nightly basis. (Yes, I'm talking to you Boston.) Kevin Garnett is home again this season, and has never had a real chance at anything thanks to the excellence in mediocrity that Kevin McHale has achieved in Minny. That in and of itself is one of the biggest crimes against the sport in its long history.

Now that you know what this is all about, here are two of Simmons' three suggestions:

1. Contract the league to 27 teams and dump Memphis, Charlotte and Atlanta, three cities that can't support NBA basketball and never could. Then we'll have a league-wide lottery to determine positioning for the dispersal draft of players from those three teams. (Note: We've already sedated Chad Ford just in case this happens.) And if a contender like Chicago happens to end up with Pau Gasol ... I think we'll manage.

Mr. West and I have been talking about a piece along these lines since before the season even tipped. Unfortunately, we (I) never got around to putting it together, but we'll do something on this soon. I want to contract all the major sports leagues, the NBA being most desperately in need of the move. More soon.....

2. Change the lottery back to that of the late '80s: one envelope per team, same odds for everybody, top three draft spots only. Boom! We've solved the tanking problem. If a half-decent team happens to land a franchise player, like the Wolves getting Oden and pairing him with KG ... I think we'll manage.

I like this idea a lot. Half of the contraction philosophy that I subscribe to is the notion that we need more star players paired with other star players. It's much better for the league to achieve parity via a more competitive field of teams. Diluting the field with so many franchises only guarantees that you get parity via mediocrity. Fewer teams, with more combinations of star players, achieves parity via quality. It's the classic example of quality over quantity, I suppose. It's not a problem to see Orlando win back-to-back lotteries, in my opinion (and Simmons' as well). Great. Congratulations. Shaq and Penny get to play together and one of your floundering teams is rescued. They are now likely to avoid the lottery altogether for a generation, and you can hope that another of your hard luck franchises can win 2 or even 3 times in a row.

In a perfect world, the worst team, which needs the most help, should have a greater chance at the top pick. That's how welfare works. Screw welfare. The object of the NBA is to put the most exciting product on the court, and if that means occasionally seeing one of the good teams become great, even while the bad teams still struggle a bit, so be it. It's just as likely that the worst team in the league will win the lottery two or three times in a row, as it is the team that is on the bubble. I'd love to see New Orleans, for example, get the top pick this year and add Greg Oden or Kevin Durant to a roster already rich with Chris Paul, Tyson Chandler, David West, and the player formerly known as Peja Stojakovic. That would mean a lot of big men, but it would also free the team to trade David West for a swingman or two guard of some quality.

I'd love to see the Sixers win the lottery in back to back years and score Oden and O.J. Mayo to go along with Iguodala, Dalembert, Andre Miller, and company. Just an example, but I think you see where I'm going with this. It would be good for the NBA to put one envelope per team in a hat and forgo the weighted lottery altogether. It's more exciting for the fans, and it's better for the sport. So, give those ping pong balls to Shawn Kemp and start a Beer Pong D-League.

Kobe is a Racist

2007-03-30T19:53:00.000-07:00

There has been some, not much though, talk of Kobe's recent rash of elbows being categorized under the topic "Kobe hates white people." I'll go a step further. Kobe Bryant is a racist. And this is not some catchy title or intro. It is a fact.

Racism is defined as: "1)The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others; 2) Discrimination or prejudice based on race." In today's modern society and mixture of clashes there is a theory that racism can only exist if used by those with power for those without power cannot impact significantly as they lack power. Fine, we'll even accept that theory.

Kobe has been attacking whites on the basketball court. He has demonstrated, repeatedly, a dislike of whites to the point where he has taken cheap shots and committed violent acts on his white opponents. And only white opponents. He has been discriminating in his attacks, undoubtedly I would submit.

Let's start out with the facts:
A. There are only 89 white players in the NBA, who make up 19.7% of the total 450 players in the league.
B. Mathematically, if you randomly hit a player in the NBA, the chances of it being a white player four times in a row would be 1-in-40 or exactly 2.5%.
C. Kobe victim #1 was Mike Miller of the Grizzlies
D. Victim #2 was Manu Ginobili of the Spurs
E. Victim #3 was Marko Jaric of the Timberwolves [see Ginobili above link]
F. Victim #4 was Kyle Korver of the Sixers
G. Kobe was accused of rape in 2003 of a 19 year-old white woman in Colorado.
H. Kobe admits in his police statement he wanted to cum in the woman's face.
I. Kobe was booed by Philadelphia fans during the 2002 All-Star game as a sign of displeasure of Kobe claiming to be a Philly native when in fact he is from a wealthy suburb.
J. Kobe grew up in a self-described upper middle class environment in Europe and the U.S. surrounded predominantly by whites.

If you do not think his wild elbows on the court are intentional then you do not know basketball or you are lying to yourself. Kobe has violently hit white opponents over and over. Does this make him a racist? Yes. But why is Kobe acting like this now? It seems to be a basic case of a volano starting to erupt. Of course in typical Kobe fashion, he erupts in calculated, veiled actcs and then pretends he is innocent. He is what used to be called a classic chickenshit racist.

Kobe Bryant is lashing out at whites to compensate for his own insecurities of being black. Or not being black enough. He is perceived, rightfully so, by both black and white fans as not being like other blacks in the NBA. Philly fans, including a very vocal black contingent, disapproved of Kobe trying to claim he was a Philly native-- his attemps to fake urban credibility were rebuffed loudly. His teammates viewed him as a spoiled know-it-all mommy's boy who could not socialize with them whatsoever. He got entangled in a very nasty and public rape case where it became worldwide knowledge he, putting it kindest, had some form of sex with a 19-year old white woman who within 12 hours of the incident filed rape charges against him.

Simply put, Kobe was too white for his own liking after being too white for the liking of so many others. So, to earn credibility with black players and fans and to exact measures of revenge, he has been going after white players in violent acts. He would not dare do so to a black player, of course. That is because he would be scared to do so and wants to be one with them in at least one way. Does Kobe sit at home thinking about killing white people or dislike white people he encounters in his everyday life? Doubtful. But if he only targets whites in this rash of violent acts on the court then that is enough for me to believe the man has problems, serious problems.

-Mr. West

Mr. East Thoughts

Well, well, well. Mr. West is certainly stepping in it with this post. Interesting. I can't say I have a feeling one way or the other about whether he's right or way off on this point. The elbowing issue paints the most compelling picture for me. The rape issue may or may not be tied up in some psycho-sexual issues that Kobe has regarding power and race. I'm not qualified to say one way or the other, although it's a nice theory. Here's my take on Kobe:

Kobe Bryant has zero "street credibility". Why is that important? It's important because the modern NBA locker room is a microcosm of urban America. The NBA locker room is the place you are most likely to find an entourage. It's the place you are most likely to hear hip hop. It's the place you are most likely to get straight down home Evangelical African-American Christianity. Certainly the NFL features this kind of environment as well, but there's a broader range of personalities that inhabit that world. You get the Alice Cooper types, and the corn fed country music kids. The NBA is straight up street. Street, Kobe is not.

There's nothing to be ashamed of as Kobe Bryant. You are a fairly good looking guy. Educated, despite not going to college, and worldly, having grown up in Italy. He clearly needs that credibility though. He needs to fit in. Sports can be a very collective society, and Kobe is not only an outsider in terms of his personal background, but also an individualist in terms of his game. The acceptance comes from shared cultural experience and shared team goals. It's hard for Bryant to convince anyone that he's in fact sharing those things with his teammates.

That much, I'm fairly sure of. The racial component is a tricky call. The urban cultural component is an easy read for me. Racial distinction has as much to do with individual perceptions of the world around you and your own self-image. Knowing that, it's entirely possible that Kobe perceives himself as something(culturally "Black"), but is not perceived by others that way. The disconnect may cause him some psychological trauma that manifests itself in "lashing out" episodes as inane as the elbows, or as serious as the rape allegations. I'm only an amateur psychologist, so I don't know any of it for sure. Give us your thoughts in the comments section below.

-Mr. East

EVW2K7

2007-03-28T22:43:00.000-07:00

I updated this blog to "New Blogger", which has some cool features, but sucks for layout. It's easier for everyday schlubs like Mr. West to tap into, but leaves a lot to be desired from a design standpoint. Whatever. This blog is not about design. It's about in your face hoops commentary, or something like that.

Thinking of a few topics to run here in the near future. Gotta get with Mr. West to sort them out, but I think it would be good to do:

1. Fantasy hoops year in review
2. NBA Playoff preview
3. Some other shit

Come back soon, and there will be some other shit to read.
Mr. East

Final Four is set, so where's my money?

2007-03-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

Mr. West, unlike Mr. East currently living in Japan, has been following college hoops this year. And, like all of you, I filled out more than one NCAA bracket. In all of them, I have at least 3 of the final 4 teams. And in the big money pool, I got the entire Elite 8 correct plus the entire Final Four. A bragging genius? Well, yes, but that's not the point.

This year is perhaps the rarest of years when it comes to top seeds winning. Through the Sweet 16, the only #1 or #2 seed to lose was Wisconsion, with top seeds going 22-1 or so up until that point. Wow. So chances are you, me and my mom all have Florida, Ohio State and maybe UNC or G'Town in our brackets, and UCLA is not so uncommon.

So the question I have is this: does Las Vegas have bracket pools or is it simpl game-by-game betting? Someone who gambles please let us know so we can fool ourselves we would have won money. Thanks in advance!

C-Webb is Back

2007-01-17T06:19:00.000-08:00

I don't give a shit what anyone says, Chris Webber can still play this game. Everyone loves to hate C-Webb.....just about as much as they love to hate Allen I. In that way they were perfect together in Philly. I love Chris Webber. I'm about the biggest University of Michigan fan there is, and I was a university student during the Fab Five era. I'll go to my grave loving that group of players and their cocky, arrogant, flashy, illegal booster money taking game. I don't care if they took money. I don't care if they were too arrogant. I don't care about any of it.

You should call me out as a hypocrite because I also tend to believe that honesty and righteousness are virtues we should all adhere to. Yes, I'm a hypocrite and I don't care.

Chris Webber is one of the best power forwards to play the game. He is bright, strong, and has the kind of court vision that only point guards usually possess. His hands are like giant mitts and you can throw him just about any kind of pass and he'll catch it. He's slow now. He isn't explosive for the most part. He isn't going to do the kind of 360 he threw down in the rookie/sophmore challenge all those years ago. He can still ball better than most. There are too many people out there that want to shit on Webber for his time out in the NCAAs against Carolina, and his marijuana run-ins at Washington, or his feud with Nellie about playing center, and on and on....

I don't give a shit about any of it. It means nothing. It just puts a chip on the shoulder of a lot of holier-than-thou people who want to shovel dirt on his grave and write him off as a scrub. To those people I say, "Fuck you." Take for example Marty Burns of CNNSI.com. He writes a piece which mentions how poor Webber is on defense about 300 times and he goes out of his way to distort quotes attributed to coaches and players that seem to mock Webber. He uses disconnected statements about Popovich's tenure as a Don Nelson assistant during the rough days of the mid-90s to indirectly associate his intended Webber bashing to Pop. That's hack journalism at its worst.

Here's my take. Webber had 38 double-doubles in 2005-06. He had 7 games of 30+ points scored and two 20+ rebound games. He had 3 or more steals 10 times last year, and as recently as April 2nd, 2006 against the Knicks had 7 in one game. Yeah, his shooting percentage has been bad in recent years. He can't attack the rim as he once did. Yeah, his man may beat him off the dribble and guys may abuse him on the pick and roll sometimes, but it's supremely unfair to ridicule and write-off a guy that is still quite capable of winning games on his own. Take this for example:

On December 23rd of THIS YEAR, Webber put up 18 points on 9 of 13 shooting, 9 boards, 4 assists, 3 steals, and 3 blocks in a lopsided victory over the Knicks. Okay, it's the Knicks. That's the Eastern Conference though. There are a lot of shit ballclubs like the Knicks out there that Webber can and will dominate. Need a tougher opponent? In a 2 point loss to the Orlando Magic on December 9th of THIS YEAR, Webber put up 19 points on 8 of 15 shooting, 11 boards, 8 assists, a steal, and 2 blocks. How can he not succeed on the Pistons? If he can still produce those kind of games with the defense keyed on stopping him and Allen I, how will he not have some big games when surrounded by Billups, Rip, Prince, and Sheed? If for nothing other than passing, the Pistons will be a better club.

Last thing on this, Burns and others like him want to stick it to C-Webb and call him washed up. They mock the Pistons' acquisition and point to some odd notion that he's replacing Ben Wallace. No. He's replacing Nazr Mohammed and/or Antonio McDyess. How many double-doubles does Nazr have in 2006-07? Two (out of 36 games played). McDyess? Two (out of 36 games played). Webber? Six (out of 18 games played). Nothing against Mohammed or McDyess, but Nazr has never sniffed Webber's talent in his life, and McDyess is even less athletic than Webber post-microfracture surgery. To all the Webber haters out there, get ready. He's not done. He may be less than what he was, but he's still good enough to beat your sorry ass.

The Iverson Crystal Ball

2007-01-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

So, Mr. East ... what us nerdy blog fans want to know is this: will Iverson make the Nuggets a better team? Will they win more games because of him? Will they go further in the playoffs?

So far, the Nuggets stand at 16-13 and are 2-4 with him on the team including an embarrassing home loss to the 76ers (yes, Seventy Sixers!). Granted, Melo and JR Smith are still suspended but that record sucks.

The Iverson Crystal Ball, Mr. West Version:

A) What will the Nuggets record be with AI in the line-up now? 32-27.
B) Will the Nuggets land in the playoffs? Yes, around a 6 or 7 seed.
C) How far will they go in the playoffs? Likely lose in 1st round.
D) Will Iverson be on the Nuggets next year? Yes though not in 2008-2009.
E) How many teammates of Iverson want him on the team? Zero.
F) How will Coach Karl and Iverson get along? Not well but well enough.

Summary: Iverson will act like the good boy scout for the remainder of
the year, a la Sprewell on the Knicks after the choking incident. The
Nuggets don't get better in the Win-Loss column, though. And Carmelo is
pissed because his career year is now part of the AI traveling circus.
Typical NBA team bullshit will be spewed ("we needed time to get used to
each other" or "with a year of practice as a unit we will be ready next
year to compete for the championship" etc.) all summer. Iverson will
overtly hog the ball next season and someone (Carmelo or Iverson) will
be traded.

The Iverson Crystal Ball, Mr. East Version:

A) What will the Nuggets record be with AI in the line-up now? 35-24.
B) Will the Nuggets land in the playoffs? Yes, they'll be a 6 seed.
C) How far will they go in the playoffs? They'll lose in 1st round, but if they do advance, they'll go deep into the playoffs.
D) Will Iverson be on the Nuggets next year? Yes.
E) How many teammates of Iverson want him on the team? Now? One or two. In a few months, almost everyone.
F) How will Coach Karl and Iverson get along? A sucessful Love/Hate relationship.

Summary: Iverson is trying to fit in early on by sharing the ball, and shooting less. He'll continue most of the time, even when Carmelo gets back. The thing is, at the end of the game who takes the shot. I believe it's Iverson every time, unless he kicks to an open Anthony. That's just me though and there are plenty of arguments the other way. As I see it, the worst case scenario here is that the entourage situation that is rarely discussed by the mainstream media could blow up. Iverson's entourage and Carmelo's entourage will either coexist, or they won't. If they don't the locker room will be forever divided, and things will turn ugly. On the court issues are not a problem. The rest of the Nuggets don't need the ball to be effective. Camby is a brilliant off the ball guy. Smith can shoot from the perimeter and will get plenty of open looks. Reggie Evans and the rest of the cast are all great role players.

I think this team has a shot at a title. They could surprise a lot of people if it's all peace and harmony in Denver. If the pieces find a way to mesh, it could be one of those 1999 playoff runs that Camby and the Knicks made. The problem is that they play in the strong West. A lot of things would have to fall their way to beat out Dallas, San Antonio, and Phoenix. I think they are potentially better than the rest of the Western Conference and could find themselves in the Finals this year or next if the Big Three knock each other off. Stranger things have happened. My prediction, no titles, but a lot of exciting basketball.

Rocky Mountain Answer

2006-12-19T18:07:00.000-08:00

Everyone likes to shit on Allen I. It started when he got pegged with throwing a chair in a bowling alley fight as a young high school star of both football and basketball in Hampton, Virginia. Whatever you think really happened all those years ago, nothing about Iverson’s image would dissuade you from believing the worst. He’s tough. He’s street. He’s never distanced himself from the friends and family that supported him from his days as a young man, growing up under very tough circumstances.

Iverson’s been in trouble with the law as an NBA player as well. His car, his close associates, his pistol, his marital problems, and maybe his weed have all had the spotlight over the years. He’s got tattoos (that were airbrushed out on the cover of Hoop some years ago). He doesn’t wear a suit when he travels. He doesn’t practice much. He wears a cap tilted to the side, and cornrows. He shoots the ball A LOT. The corporate hypocrites will tell you that this is both great for business, as young kids on the street scrape together money, in whatever way they can, to buy his shoes, apparel, and all the rest. They also point their fingers at the blackness of the crimes that have the same kids killing each other for those products.

It’s more than a corporate hypocrisy though. It’s one of the great American hypocrisies that puts a black face in every living room via sports and entertainment, but refuses to get close enough to have a black face actually in the living room as a friend or family member. I pull know punches when I point my finger at the dysfunctional American landscape of race and culture. Iverson is who he is. He grew up where he grew up and faced the same issues that millions of others, Black, White, Latin, and Other face thanks to economic inequality and the failed American experiment. We gave on people like Iverson a long time ago. It’s our national shame.

The thing is, Iverson probably doesn’t give a shit about any of it. He’s happy with who he is, his genius and his personal failings all included. He makes no apologies, asks no forgiveness, and goes out on the court ready to die for a win every night. Iverson is a product of his environment, but he also possesses great genius that allows him to build a new environment for himself and all the people around him. It doesn’t make the mess that is the mean streets go away. There are some eggs broken when you make an omelet. The thing is, the NBA projects this squeaky clean image of sanitized multi-cultural harmony that incorporates country western, hip hop, and rock and roll in arenas all over America. They want to appeal to everyone.

Me, I like my reality raw and unfiltered. The world isn’t that Disney, jolly, Mayberry, American Idol nice-nice, and neither are the players. To be sure, there are guys from the same mean streets that produced Allen Iverson that take the money and the fast life and give a middle finger to the game. They don’t really care about basketball, and they only really play every night to collect their big fat checks. There are even some guys out there that hate basketball, but know where the bread is won. Shawn Bradley, one of the nice-nice Mormon choirboys that the NBA can only dream about, didn’t care about basketball. He was a 7’6” kid that had a little coordination and half a jump shot. He got paid big time, but he didn’t like basketball all that much. I believe that Derrick Coleman gave up on basketball early on in his career.

Allen Iverson has never given up. He has never let his status affect his play on the court. He got to the league by scoring millions of points, and he’ll go to his grave scoring a lot more. He plays hurt. He plays hard. He never says die, even with his team lost in the standings and down big in every ballgame. If anything, Iverson’s off court life has made him the greatest kind of warrior you can hope for on your team. He’s a guy you want to be with in a foxhole. In fact, there isn’t another professional athlete that I’d rather be in a foxhole with than Allen Iverson. He’s not clean cut. He doesn’t always make the best choices in his life, but he always does everything with his heart.

Many of the great figures of American society have come about their success by facing harsh circumstances but persevered to reach the pinnacles of their professions. This is particularly true of the greatest artists of the modern world. It’s the reason why American Idol will never produce any legitimate talent, and why the insane asylums, back street gutters, and dysfunctional homes of the world are the most fertile grounds for genius. Genius is born of both great natural gifts, and the struggle. The struggle is what the NBA and its sponsors want you to ignore. They want you to see the smoke and mirrors. I prefer to tear the band-aid off and see the whole unseemly picture.

Iverson now joins the Denver Nuggets. His days in Philly are finally over. He’ll be remembered by Sixers fans as one of the greatest figures in Philadelphia sports history when they’ve had a chance to step back and look at what he’s done. The warts will be there too, but his character on the court is unquestionable. There are plenty of people who will say that Denver made a mistake. They’ll point to all the big flaws that go along with Allen Iverson. They’ll tear off the band-aid and show the world the ugly parts of Allen I. To me those are reality. They help me understand that he’ll finish out his days in a Nuggets uniform and probably limp off the court for the last time proud of what he’s done. His teammates will salute him, and he’ll stand at his Hall of Fame ceremony with a cap tilted to the side, a wry smile, and an audience full of other street kids who know where he came from and how much he accomplished in lifting himself and a lot of other people without selling out.

I’m confident that he’ll shoot a lot in Denver, Carmelo Anthony or no. I’m sure he’ll get his 8 assists, and he’ll dominate the ball, and he’ll swipe 2 or 3 a game. He won’t change, except that he won’t be the only one out there every night that can put the ball in the hole. George Karl had a similar character on his Sonics teams. Gary Payton wasn’t all that different from Allen I when all is said and done. He’s a great coach for Iverson. Melo and Iverson will play off each other well, and the Nuggets will be in good shape. Whatever happens in the end they will compete every night, and make their fans proud. Watch.

Mother May I?

2006-12-15T05:13:00.000-08:00

Sean May's getting burn now. Bickerstaff finally saw the light on this guy. He was hurt all last year in his rookie campaign. He got sporadic minutes for the whole 1st month of the season, but I've been paying attention. I saw last year, and in the preseason this year that the lottery pick from UNC posts fierce numbers when he gets over 25 minutes a game. Without fail, when he gets those minutes he scores, boards, dishes, steals, and blocks. His numbers at UNC back all that up. He averaged 1.2 steals and 1.2 blocks over 3 years at Carolina. He can ball. I wrote in our season preview at EvW:

"Finally, Sean May will have a surprising impact this season. Watch."

He's busting out. If he continues to get 25+ minutes the rest of the way, he'll put up 16-18 points on around .500 shooting and .750 from the line, 8 rebounds, 2 assists, and close to a steal and a block. To compare him to someone similar, I looked around for a close breakdown. Let's call May's numbers a 28 minute per game estimate.

May projections (28 mpg .500/.750 16.5 ppg, 8.0 rpg, 2.2 rpg, .8 steals, 1.2 bpg)
Mr. X statistic (37 mpg .524/.724 18.6 ppg, 9.7 rpg, 2.2 apg, 1.2 steals, 1.9 bpg)

Player X gets 9 minutes a game more. Let's see what they do per 48 minutes.

May per 48 (25.2 ppg, 13.4 rpg, 3.6 apg, .72 spg, 1.72 bpg)
MrX per 48 (23.9 ppg, 12.4 rpg, 2.8 apg, 1.59 spg, 2.44 bpg)

So, May is not quite the stat sheet stuffer that Mr. X is on defense, but I suspect his steals would be higher if he played a bit more. Last year he averaged .7 steals in only 17 minutes. The blocks look to be a reasonable downgrade. He's at .9 this year in 24 minutes. Have you guessed who Mr. X is?

Elton Brand.

Watch my man break out. All it is in the NBA is minutes. May will be starting within a month and Brezec will be a thing of the past.

Next?

2006-11-22T03:27:00.000-08:00

I'm all amped up about J.R. Smith. It's mainly because he's on my fantasy team, and I need him to do well, but I actually drafted him in the final round of my league two years ago, when he was a rookie. I've liked him from the start. I'm looking at what he's been doing lately, and it seems that the 21 year old is on the verge of breaking out. The Nuggets may have fleeced the Bulls, and the Bulls may have fleeced the Hornets. It's one of those things that makes you a little sick when you think of it, but imagine that Smith turns out to be great and then remember that Byron Scott basically booted him because he was young, cocky, and a little stupid. He could have paired with Chris Paul for 15 years as a dynamite backcourt. He'll look pretty good next to Carmelo Anthony as it is. For the hell of it, let's look at what a few other players did in their 3rd season, while playing around 30 minutes at SG. *Ray Allen's numbers are his rookie stats, when he was also 21. He jumped out of the box with major minutes from day one.

J.R. Smith(21) (16.4 PPG, 2.6 RPG, 1.7 APG, 1.4 SPG, 3.0 3PG)

Ray Allen(21*) (13.4 PPG, 4.0 RPG, 2.6 APG, 0.9 SPG, 1.4 3PG)
Michael Redd(23) (15.1 PPG, 4.5 RPG, 1.4 APG, 1.2 SPG, 2.2 3PG)
Kobe Bryant(20) (19.9 PPG, 5.3 RPG, 3.8 APG, 1.4 SPG, 0.5 3PG)
Tracy McGrady(21) (15.4 PPG, 6.4 RPG, 3.3 APG, 1.1 SPG, 1.9 BPG!, 0.2 3PG)

By taking this small sample, it appears as though Smith is more in the mold of Ray Allen and Michael Redd, as I suspected. He is more athletic than either of them, and would seem to resemble McGrady more, but his game is not as dynamic. He doesn't attack the rim, or crash the boards. He does get his steals and shoots the lights out of the three. He also looks a bit like Eddie Jones or Morris Peterson when they broke into the league. Most of the players who play this particular style have entered a bit later, as they probably lacked the dynamic quality to be thought of as highly as Kobe or T-Mac. Michael Redd is that kind of player as well. He was a standout at Ohio State, but not nearly as highly regarded as a guy like Ray Allen, who was an NCAA Player of the Year. Now Redd is in Allen's class, and fills it up on a nightly basis.

I see a Redd/Allen type player emerging in Smith, and the Nuggets have wisely given him the minutes he deserves. If you look at his first two seasons, he produced some big nights when given the time. In his rookie 2004-05 season, at the age of 19, Smith started 56 games and had twelve 20+ point games (one over 30) and eleven games in which he hit 3 or more three pointers. In his sophmore campaign, Smith found himself in Byron Scott's doghouse and only started 25 games. He had two games of 20 points or more, and five games of 3 three pointers or more. After having played more than 30 minutes 26 times in his rookie season, Scott tried his best to ruin a talented young guy that just needed to make his mistakes on the floor. He played 30+ minutes on only 5 occasions last season, and almost not at all for the last 2 months of the year.

This season, in 9 games, J.R. has played 30+ in five of the first 8 games, and has a 21 point outburst to go with his more recent 36. The only time he's failed to score at least 16 points were two occasions that George Karl was trying to send him a message. To his credit, Karl is giving him a long rope and putting up with the flakey moments that leave a coach shaking his head. It seems the Bulls got two second round picks and Howard Eisley for a guy that could be Michael Redd or Ray Allen in two or three years. Time will tell, but it's time to start watching J.R. Smith.

Mr. East

Mr. West's Money

2006-11-12T05:23:00.000-08:00

I admit ... I have a gambling problem. My problem is that I don't gamble on sports, namely the NBA. Distrustful of online gambling and stuck in NYC, sports betting is literally thousands of miles from me. But the one thing I believe I am good at is picking how well NBA teams will do over the course of the season: wins and losses.

Taking $10,000 imaginary dollars, let's place these following bets:

Celtics: 36.5 wins
UNDER- second easiest bet, no fucking way do these kids win more games than last year in a more competitive East. I also foresee one Paul Pierce injury for 8-10 games sinking this team fully).

Pistons: 50.5 wins
OVER- they won 64 last year. Is Ben Wallace worth 14 games by himself? No.)

Warriors: 37 wins
UNDER- oh please, this team has no idea how to win ballgames in a strong West).

Rockets: 47.5
UNDER- too many injuries I predict and they only won 34 games last year)

Clippers: 47
OVER- oh yes, they will exceed 47 wins, heck, they won 47 last year alone)

Utah: 40.5
OVER- easily will exceed 40 wins with a healthy line-up or any line-up this year)

Wizards: 40 wins
OVER- hoping they will win north of 40 as they kept the same line-up and should mildly improve).

Easiest route is to place $5,000 on the Celtics to win less than 37 wins and for the Jazz to win more than 40. I need a sugardaddy.

We're Baaaaaaaack!!!

2006-11-04T02:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes y’all. It’s time for the revival. East versus West is back for the 2006-2007 season and better than ever!!!! Well….we’re basically the same as before, but that wasn’t terrible. We’re…….back. Ahem.

Mr. West: Every year, all the experts and hacks and now blogging goofballs make their predictions. But what you don’t see is what their track record is for picks. It's almost as if their predictions are more important than the reality of their analysis. Take Sports Illustrated, for example, they generally suck at picking in the pre-season. So here is our posting form last year's predictions, for the record. Sure, I correctly picked the Heat to win it all but we also both thought the Rockets would fare better. We wish more experts would print reality with their thoughts in predictions.

Mr East: West and I are ready to break down the season preview for you from our twisted but smarter than the paid professionals opinions. In the end, we’ll be wrong more than we’re right, but so are they. We just don’t make you pay for “Insider” access….yet. So with no further ado, let’s get this thing kicked off.

NBA 2006-2007 Playoff Teams

Mr. East

1. Miami Heat
2. Detroit Pistons
3. New Jersey Nets
4. Chicago Bulls
5. Cleveland Cavaliers
6. Washington Wizards
7. Philadelphia 76ers
8. Indiana Pacers

Conference Finals: Pistons over Heat

1. Phoenix Suns
2. San Antonio Spurs
3. Dallas Mavericks
4. Los Angeles Lakers
5. Utah Jazz
6. Denver Nuggets
7. Los Angeles Clippers
8. Houston Rockets

Conference Finals: Suns over Spurs

Finals: Suns over Pistons

Mr. West

1. Detroit Pistons
2. Miami Heat
3. Chicago Bulls
4. Cleveland Cavaliers
5. New Jersey Nets
6. Washington Bullets
7. Indiana Pacers
8. Orlando Magic

Conference Finals: Heat over Pistons

1. San Antonio Spurs
2. Dallas Mavericks
3. Phoenix Suns
4. Los Angeles Clippers
5. Los Angeles Lakers
6. Utah Jazz
7. Denver Nuggets
8. Houston Rockets

Conference Finals: Spurs over Mavericks

Finals: Spurs over Heat

Eastern Conference Preview

Atlantic Division
New Jersey Nets

The Nets are lucky to be in one of the weakest divisions in basketball. It’s not that they’re a mediocre team, they’re very good, but they should run away with a playoff spot. Kidd, Carter, and Jefferson are enough to make them very tough if everyone is healthy.

Boston Celtics

The Celtics make no sense. They have good players, but they all play the same positions. Telfair, West, Rondo. Pierce, Szczerbiak. Jefferson, Gomes.….Too young, too little playing time for all the talented parts. No playoffs, but close.

New York Knicks

You’ll hear plenty about these guys at EvW this season. I’m a fan and I want Zeke and Dolan out on their asses. This team is all window dressing. Some good players, both vets and kids, but no direction, bad coaching, no cap flexibility, and where’s the defense? Another wasted year at the Garden.

Philadelphia 76ers

I like the Sixers more than most. Some people think they’re a bad fit. Health is as important to this team as any other in the league, but Iverson is as much a soldier as he is a scorer. Iggy, Korver, Dalembert, Ollie, and Webber should make them well rounded. I see playoffs, and some good basketball on both ends of the floor.

Toronto Raptors

Blow this franchise up. They will never, ever, be good. They are clueless, and terrible to watch every year. Bad uniforms, bad players, bad management, bad arena. They hurt my eyes, man. I need to look away. Bosh should have bolted when he had the chance.

Central Division
Chicago Bulls

I like the Bulls. I mean, as a Knicks fan I’ll always hate the Bulls, but I like this group. They can play. The addition of Ben Wallace will make them super tough. They’ve been trying to get by with some real stiffs in the middle for years, while their other young guys have been getting better. I don’t know where the offense is going to come from, outside Ben Gordon, but it hardly matters when you won’t score either.

Detroit Pistons

Until somebody comes along and beats this team, they will always be my favorite to win it all in the East. The core pieces are great together, and even missing Big Ben they figure to put a hurting on the opposition. Mohammed is solid, if unspectacular, but he’ll get the job done. I bet Larry Brown is kicking himself. Jackass.

Cleveland Cavs

LeBron is overhyped. Don’t get me wrong, he’s great, but he’s overhyped. At the ripe young age of 21 he’s not Michael Jordan. He’s still getting his shit together. The rest of the team is solid, but really a bunch of “has beens” and “never will bes”. Who is going to help LeBron? Ilgauskas? Hughes? Damon Jones? Gooden? Ilgauskas is good, but you can have the rest of the roster.

Indiana Pacers

These guys are my final playoff team in the East. It could all blow up, but I’m still picking them. Tinsley and O’Neal are walking wounded. Stephen Jackson is a less interesting version of Ron Artest. Granger is about the only guy you feel good about cheering for in the club. They are talented when healthy and mentally stable, so you have to think they have a shot at the postseason, but only a slight shot.

Milwaukee Bucks

I hate the Bucks. They’re just so blah. Milwaukee isn’t a city that inspires dreams of lofty things. Happy Days ended in the early 80s, and it should have ended when Chachi hit puberty. Mo Williams is very good. Redd is excellent. They did a nice job bringing in Villanueva. The rest…..not so much. Please go away.

Miami Heat

The Heat are the team you love to hate. Talented but aging veterans that like to chuck, plus one stellar young Hall of Famer in the making. Wade is a transcendent talent, who fronts the likes of Jason Williams, Antoine Walker, James Posey, and Sheriff Shaquille O’Neal. How this team won the championship is beyond me. It shows the difference between the postseason and the long, brutal regular season. They’ll be at the top again, but I don’t think there’s a snowball’s chance in Hell that they’ll win it.

Southeast Division
Washington Wizards

The Wiz are a fun bunch. Arenas is a blur, and every bit as good as any other guard in the league. Jamison is much better than you think. Caron Butler is an ideal #3 guy. The bench is solid, and there are enough quality role players to build on. They really need one more good player to take it to the next level, but they will easily qualify for the playoffs. Too bad they have a stupid nickname. Bring back the Bullets.

Orlando Magic

The future is now…..actually the future is the future. These guys aren’t ready, but they are going places. Jameer Nelson is one of my favorite all-time NCAA players, and should be very strong as a full time starter. Dwight “Manchild” Howard will continue to get better. The problem is, why is Grant Hill even on the team? Turkoglu? Okay, but an ideal 6th Man. Get these guys a little more firepower and they’ll hit the top of the Conference in 3 or 4 years. Not now though.

Atlanta Hawks

Ugh. Toronto South. Blow this team up. Even people in Atlanta can’t stand them. They are better than the results, but they’ll never be good. Claxton? Josh Smith? Childress? Marvin Williams? Zaza? Not a top tier player in the bunch. There’s barely a second tier player in the bunch. Plus those uniforms. Where is Dominique?

Charlotte Bobcats

The Bobcats have some players. Not very good ones, but they have players. I like to kid the Bobcats. Felton will be above average this year. Knight is a nice pace-setter. Wallace does a lot of things on the court. Okafor is now being underrated. Finally, Sean May will have a surprising impact this season. Watch. They may actually crack 20 wins. I’m not sure why there’s a team in Charlotte, but at least they have nice uniforms…..uh….yeah.

Western Conference Preview:

SouthWest Division
San Antonio Spurs

The predictably boring ones are back to win a lot of games and threaten to win the rings. Does an added year help or hurt the Spurs? It should hurt the oldies like Finley and Van Exel. It should help the newbies like Tony Parker and Jackie Butler. But it is all about Duncan and Ginobili this year. All that matters is playoffs for this crew.

Dallas Mavericks

Dirk & Co. showed everyone they were for real when they beat the Spurs then fought the Heat (and the refs) tough. They are officially in the upper echelon of NBA teams that only care about the playoffs. Interesting to see if Devin Harris becomes a better point guard or if Diop can develop a tolerable game at center. Dirk is the man, of that there is no doubt.

Houston Rockets

Even the slow, hindering coaching of Jeff Van Gundy should not be able to derail Yao and McGrady from getting to the playoffs. The Rockets style allows for little flexibility but backups like Bonzi Wells will be crucial as McGrady’s frailty will again be an issue; he needs to toughen up and mature. A brutal Western Conference will keep Houston from achieving too much, as will the stuck-in-1994 coaching of Van Gundy.

New Orleans/OKC Hornets

Last year’s Cinderella all of a sudden have hefty expectations with the additions of Peja and Tyson Chandler. Of course, Peja is on a major downtrend in his career and Chandler can’t earn himself playing time while both have yet to prove they will change a team’s fortune. The Hornets will rely on youngsters Chris Paul and David West, as they should. Paul is a flat out fucking stud who makes Atlanta residents cry daily.

Memphis Grizzlies

No Pau, no playoffs. The overachieving Grizzlies have the patchwork but not the hardcore talent to overcome losing Pau. Average-at-best tweeners like rookie Rudy Gay and Hakim Warrick offer very little while big men such as Swift play their typical roles. Sadly, if they were in the East, they would contend for the playoffs, not out West this year. Basically, this is one team too many in the NBA.

Northwest Division
Utah Jazz

The name is Sloan, Jerry Sloan. And unless a rash of injuries hits (which is very possible given the past), the Jazz should push 50 wins this year. Their starting 5 is solid with some great versatility courtesy of AK-47. Deron Williams should get better, but as long as he is good enough to pass, that should be good enough. The range of Mehmet Okhur helps them a ton.

Denver Nuggets

Carmelo changed minds with his play this summer. He is going to look to tear shit up this year. Won’t help is the constant breaking down of his big 3: K-Mart, Camby and Nene. Also, JR Smith being a reliable shooting guard borders on comic relief. But the Nuggets and Karl know how to win so they’ll be OK.

Minnesota Timberwolves

Enough of the “poor Kevin Garnett” talk. The T-Wolves won’t make the playoffs, again, tough luck. Mike James will help fill the rim and dish out some assists but besides a sometimes sketchy Ricky Davis, this team is too thin. When you actually rely on people like Eddie Griffin you know you are hurting. PS- never carpool with Griffin unless you like re-enacting Silence of the Lambs prison scene.

Seattle Supersonics

The team is destined for Oklahoma so the new owners basically let everything stay in place: shitty coach, mediocre unit, and yet another center prospect drafted. The Sonics defy reality and try again to find a seven-footer to save them at the expense of getting true talent. The ghost of Jack Sikma haunts them, clearly. A lot of Ray Allen, a little of Rashard Lewis and little else. I’d at least go get Shawn Kemp for giggles.

Portland Trailblazers

They almost fully blew the team up. Except for their two most troublesome (and talented) players, Randolph and Miles. Like the Sonics, they somehow feel 3 seven-footers is the key to the future, indicating the Pacific Northwest might as well be in China as the rest of the NBA goes small. Rookie Roy is the hot talk of the town. Sure, anyone remember a kid named Martell Webster who had the same tag last year? The forgiving Portland fans better forgive some more.

Pacific Divison
Phoenix Suns

God bless them. They were a fresh of breath air and now they are helping to change the NBA with their style of play. Of course, few can pull it off like Nash and Marion and Diaw, and it makes those players better than they typically would be. Amare does not look fully repaired; he should be shelved until All-Star break.

Los Angeles Clippers

The suddenly respected and solid Clips rise up the ranks some more this year. Brand is the best power forward in the league, Kaman holds his own, and the rest of the cast can do their thing. The veteran swagger of Mobley and Cassell worked last year, now let’s see if guys like Livingston can run with it.

Los Angeles Lakers

Kobe has entered the next stratosphere. Now he just has to learn how to make a team win more, which looks to be too hard a task so far for his insecure style. With no new talent coming in and seemingly none developed (what, you thought Kwame Brown or Andrew Bynum could play basketball?- ha!) the Lakers will bank on getting better simply by playing more together. I doubt Kobe can stop being a dick.

Sacramento Kings

Oh, the poor Kings and their rabid fans have yet to recover from the 2002 playoffs series loss vs. the Lakers. This year, the downward slide continues as overbearing new coach Musselman replaces an experienced and proven winner in Rick Adleman. Perhaps ownership felt a new coach would turn things around but clearly this is a semi-OK team losing ground to the competition in terms of talent.

Golden State Warriors

At least Oakland should have some fun this year with Don Nelson back in charge. Lord knows the Warriors can’t win ballgames with this squad so you might as well play with a smile. The backcourt of Baron Davis and J-Rich have, between them, never figured out how to win. Mike Dunleavy, meanwhile, can only hope his coach never figures he can’t play. We can only hope they aim to score 110 points a night.

Kill the Old Dog and a Bitch Takes Over

2006-06-29T05:05:00.000-07:00

I waited to post this for a little while, to let the Larry Brown firing settle in. Mr. West sent me the following tidbit (title included) a week ago, but with the draft completed and the stench of Isiah Thomas' rancorous odor permeating the Garden once again, it seems time to throw bows. Check it out...

Mr. West - Larry Brown is gone. Finally. The man played a magnificent con game for a year and will get PAID in full. He will make Rakim fully appreciate the meaning of the phrase. And so, as every Knick fan feared, in steps Isiah Thomas. I’d ask the lord to help us but even Jesus hates Isiah Thomas. Go Nets.

Mr. East - Yup. Mr. West called it right in January. Larry Brown got paid and the Knicks are rudderless and dismal yet still. I'm not mad at the Stephon Marbury trade. I'm not even mad at the Eddy Curry trade, The #2 pick in the 2006 draft probably ain't worth more than a 7 footer with a good offensive game anyway. What I want to spit on James Dolan for is the circus that has accompanied the lesser moves that have been made almost without consideration for the consequences. The Cheney firing was an embarassment. They treated him like a schmuck. The Lenny Wilkins hiring made no sense. His firing was equally bizarre. Herb Williams got strung out while Larry Brown, Dolan, and Isiah jerked each other off.

Why Quentin Richardson? Why Steve Francis? Why Jerome James? Why Jalen Rose?

What plan could they possibly have been following that told them these were the right moves to make? The sexual harassment. The tough Chicago poor kid from the ghetto crap that Isiah pulls everytime someone criticizes him for fucking everything up. Yeah, Zeke. That'll solve all the problems, and erase all the fucked up decisions you've made since the CBA debacle. Talk tough. Go ghetto. It'll all go away and you'll wake up dressed in satin robes wearing a laurel wreath. Fuck you.

At least the Knick fans are mobilized. The draft was the 1st big volley in an onslaught of verbal abuse that Zeke should take from the bench this year. The Garden is gonna rock with "Fire Isiah", and even better, we should hear the wonderful cries of "Sell the Knicks" on Dolan's own Cablevision broadcasts almost nightly. That is, unless they decide to black out the games or replace the crowd sound with Dolan's crappy blues riffs.

Go Knick fans!!! Burn down Babylon!!!

Blazing Fire

2006-06-25T01:51:00.000-07:00

Heat Win NBA Finals in 6

Mr. West - As we both predicted (sorry, but you know we had to say that to stroke our own egos), the Miami Heat took the NBA crown in 6 games. In fact, Mr. West had them winning it all back in our season forecast. And, sorry Mr. East, but your prediction of the Pacers over the Rockets was [insert Bob Ueker voice here] JUST a bit outside.

The attention placed upon the refs and NBA positioning crated by Mark Cuban and the Mavs is a little bit of overkill in my opinion. But it is hard to totally discount the impact of very subjective calls at key points in the two big games. Still, Wade is sick. He was Jordan sick.

The most important element of the Heat win? Pat Riley, give him some real credit, somehow got that whole team of veteran egomaniacs to bow at the altar of Dwyane Wade. If you told me 3 years ago that Gary Payton, Shaq, Antoine Walker, Alonzo Mourning, and Jason Williams all would defer to a youngster like Wade so easily, I would have thought you to be nuts. Yet Riley did it. Maybe the players all become selfless and angels on their own … but I fucking doubt it. The talent that is Wade plus the power that is Riley = egos in check, trophy in hand.

Mr. East - Thanks for reminding me of my pre-season prediction. Pacers over the Rockets? Ugh. I've been picking the Pacers to win it every year for the last 5 or 6 years, I think. I should know better by now. Jermaine O'Neal is just a walking pile of broken parts. Tinsley is a turnover machine made of paper mache. Stephen Jackson is a crank who can't (or won't) play defense. I don't care about his steals numbers. Ron Artest, in my defense, was in Sacramento by season's end, and I think they stole him. Peja Stojakovic is on the downward swing of a nice career. He will record career lows next year for sure. The Rockets lost out on McGrady's back and Ming's foot. The rest of the "supporting cast" couldn't support my nutsack.

Enough about my horrible predictions. I'd like to pat myself on the back for at least getting the Finals right. Even 1 billion monkeys typing on 1 billion typewriters will eventually write something interesting.

Wade was better than I could have imagined. He quickly made himself the best player in the NBA until someone takes that crown from him. LeBron gets a lot of press, partly because of how good he is at such a young age, but Wade is there right now. He's the kind of player that carries a team to a title. He dragged Shaq there this year. Nowitzki did his best, but he couldn't keep up the pace over 6 games. That's what it takes to enter the pantheon of greats. 12-21 games of excellence. Dirk was close but Wade was better.

The thing I can't get over is that Jason Williams and Antoine Walker now are NBA Champions. How is that possible. Isn't that one of the signs of the Apocalypse? Payton and Mourning got theirs, so I guess it balances out in the end, but the Antoine Walker shimmy is now forever etched in stone as the move of a champion. Puke.

Next year I'm picking the Knicks to win it all.....

2006-06-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

So Mr. East all of a sudden makes like Jimmy the Greek in picking none of the Finals teams right while Mr. West is all of a sudden off to Vegas with his Heat-Mavs correct pick. So here's the Finals outlook:

PS- big plug to TrueHoop.com for downplaying the role of predictions and still almost picking all series right.

Mr. West: I just don't see how the Mavs can climb the Heat mountain. Without a doubt, Dallas is playing a tenacity and toughness even I thought they didn't really have. But they still flash too many signs of stupidity and casual play. Miami has their own share of periods of laziness but I think, like in the Pistons series, Riley is not letting that shit happen for very long. If Shaq hits 50% of his free throws in
a game, the Heat should win that game. The speed of Dallas may throw Miami off here and there but I don't see it happening over a seven game series.
Heat in 6.
_____________________________________________________

Mr. East: Yeah, I crapped myself on the Conference Finals predictions, but that's over and done with. No sense in crying over spilled milk. Sonovabitch!! Sorry...On to my prediction.

There's only one thing I need to know about this series to make my prediction. Is Shaq in the Finals? Yes. Okay, Heat win. I should have known better with my Pistons' pick, but I really believed that Detroit was the better team. Idiot. Beyond taking the Heat strictly for Shaq, I have to say that Dwayne Wade is an otherworldly talent. He's the engine of the Heat squad, and you can almost forgive Riley for having Jason Williams and Antoine "Employee #Suck" Walker on the floor because of Wade's transcendant talent.

On the other side of things, Dirk Nowitzki is a monster. He may be the best player in the series for the way he's been dominating lately. Wade will be the better player in the long run, and Shaq is clearly the better player for his career, but Dirk is Mr. It right now. He should help his teammates rise to the challenge that the Heat present and steal a couple of games. Walker and Williams may play brilliantly in complimentary roles from time to time, but I believe their stink-o-rama styles will come out and keep the overmatched Dallas squad in it, with an outside shot at their 1st title. My money is on Shaq.
Heat in 6.

The Conference Finals

2006-05-25T03:44:00.000-07:00

OK, our predictions so far for the playoffs have been hit or miss.
Pistons won in 7 (Mr. West had them winning in 5 and Mr. East had them in 4)
Heat won in 5 (we both got that exactly right)
Mavs won in 7 (we both had the Spurs winning in 6)
Suns won in 7 (Mr. West nailed this one while Mr. East had Clippers in 7)

Short thoughts on Round 2 of the playoffs:
- Damn, Dirk and the Mavs looked hard! They had some typical mental lapses but they balled like rough stars for the most part.

- Vince Carter does not have that finishing, tough edge needed to win playoff games in the 4th quarter. His weak plays at the end cost the Nets.

- Dirk's drive to hoop for the old school 3-point play at the end of regulation in Game 7 ... sick!

- Dwayne Wade is a winner. He just has "it."

- LeBron has even more of "it." Sick.

- The Clippers got suckered like a JV squad by the Suns in Game 7. Outplayed and outcoached bad. Embarrassing seeing as how close they were to advancing.

- Erik Dampier is a massive goon-- the dude fouls every damn play. Why even bother to do it when you are so big and skilled?

- Jerry Stackhouse's showed clutch balls I didn't think he owned.

- It is good for the NBA, and basketball on the whole, to have the Mavs and Suns still alive.

- We want a Heat-Mavs final for some good games.

Predictions for the Conference Finals:

Mr. West
Detroit has home court, which is pretty big in this series. But Miami has a healthy Shaq and good-shooting bench play from 'Toine. I gotta go with Miami. LeBron exposed Detroit for not being as special as we all were meant to believe. The Pistons can still readily grind it out but that leaves opponents hanging around. I think Riley will bust balls and crack skulls for the first time in years if his players start acting like lazy morons.
Heat in 7

Mr. East
I like Detroit in this Series. You can see my comments in the previous prediction to see how I feel about their chances. I thought sweep last time, but they got pushed to 7 games by a clearly inferior team. Even LeBron, as good as he is, shouldn't have made that series close. The Heat have the best post player in the game on their team, which is usually my deciding factor, plus they have Dwayne Wade who is lightning in a bottle. I'm just not leaning that way. Think about it. The Heat won the last round thanks in large part to guys like Antoine Walker and Jason Williams. That will never happen in a billion years against Detroit.
Pistons in 6

Mr. West
The Mavs blew it against the Suns last year in the playoffs. Both teams have played some tough series. I just think that the Suns style will ultimately fail against a Mavs team that can mix it up too well these days. Dallas will play it light for 3 quarters then try to lock shit down hard. Dirk will get his but so will others. Look for Coach Johnson to do everything he can to slow Nash because that is the key.
Mavericks in 7

Mr. East
This is a hard one to figure. If I go by my "best post player" indicator in this series, I guess that means Dirk Nowitzki. No one on either roster really plays the post much. The thing is, the pieces on the Mavs don't make as much sense to me as the pieces on the Suns. Nash is better than anyone on the court, save Dirk. He's teamed with Marion, who is also better than anyone else out there, save Dirk. Finally, you have the surprise of the year in Boris Diaw, who makes a third Suns' player that is better than anyone on the court, save Dirk. Don't get me wrong. The Mavs beat the defending champions and have showed all year that they have arrived at championship level. I just don't think they will prevail in the end. It will be close, but I bet Erick Dampier's sorry ass blows a game somewhere down the road that will haunt the Mavericks.
Suns in 6

SELL THE TEAM

2006-05-16T04:27:00.000-07:00

In the wake of my last rant, I had an idea. I'd like any and all Knick fans in attendance at the Garden to start the chant, "Sell the team, sell the team, sell the team...."

It's become a popular technique for disgruntled fans everywhere. You may remember that fans in Detroit took to chanting "Fire Millen" at Lions games, Pistons games, Michigan State games, and even on the road. It's become something of a movement, and I think it behooves New Yorkers to use their skills of persuasion to campaign against James Dolan and the Isiah Thomas regime.

So, start it up. "Sell the Team".

Oh....I'd also like to add Karl Malone to the Knick front office to reprise his December 1991 elbowing to Isiah Thomas' noggin' that gave him 40 stitches. Anyone got that kind of pull?

I'm On Strike

2006-05-14T00:50:00.000-07:00

I've had it with basketball. It's not the sport. It's not the diluted talent pool and extracurricular arena antics. I like to rant about those things, but in the end I'm a basketball fan and I'm willing to look past the faults of the David Stern NBA for the enjoyment the actual on court action brings me. I'm on strike for another reason altogether.

It's no surprise that I'm a Knick fan. I've written my fair share of editorials about the Knicks here at East versus West. Since the end of the Ewing era, the Knicks have spiralled downward every single year, until they have reached the current low point in the history of the franchise. Yes. This is THE LOWEST POINT IN THE HISTORY OF THE NEW YORK KNICKS. Think about it. They were the 2nd worst team in the NBA last year with the highest salary by far. The players mutineed against their coach and their owner and GM did nothing to remedy the problem. The owner has backed his useless and criminally negligent general manager to the point that he's untouchable. The same guy that ran the CBA into the ground is now running one of the proudest franchises in the American sports pantheon to the same sad end.

Now it appears as though the GM and owner are essentially siding with spoiled and overrated bling boys like Marbury and Francis over their nomadic coach. I'm not saying that Larry Brown did a good job last year, but he ranks well below Isiah, Marbury, and a handful of other people on the ladder of blame. If the guys listened to Brown and did what he asked of them, they'd have been better. Brown has a winning track record, even if he's like the runaway bride of the NBA. There was a time when players were subordinate to their coach. They were payed to play, and the coach was payed to coach. Now the players pout and act like little bitches if they don't get what they want. "Starbury" and Stevie "Franchise" are the poster children for this phenomenon. I hate both of them.

Now, the Knicks are reportedly buying out Brown to the tune of $40 million and presumably looking at Isiah in the coaching chair next season. Didn't this have to happen eventually? Isn't it what all the New York reporters have been asking Zeke about since he walked in the door? The new coach and his players deserve each other. Isiah traded what may turn out to be the #1 pick in the draft for Eddy Curry. Let's see him live up to that when he has to coach the bloated and streaky Curry. If he had taken over the team sooner, we may have seen him get the door that much sooner too. It's inevitable. He's going to fail miserably as coach, as he's failed miserably as GM, and as he's failed miserably in every aspect of life except playing point guard. If Dolan had a sack, he's have fired Isiah and brought in Kiki Vandeweghe to clean up this mess with a sensible 5 year plan.

So, I'm on strike. As good as the NBA playoffs have been on some nights, I'm not going to follow them, except to check the scores. Since my main beef is with the Knicks, I'm going to boycott them next season. I won't watch a single game. I will campaign for the firing of Isiah Thomas and the sale of the team. Until those two things happen, I am anti-Knick. Rather, I'm a Knick fan on strike. If you love something, you have to speak the truth about it. I support the franchise, just not the bums who own, operate, and play for it. I want my franchise back. Perhaps Gilbert Arenas can express my feelings best. Check the picture for my message to James Dolan, Isiah Thomas, and Stephon Marbury.

-Mr. East

NBA Playoff Predictions, Round 2

2006-05-08T06:42:00.000-07:00

Pistons-Cavaliers
Mr. West
Oh, Damon Jones. Your 10 seconds of playing time will strictly be for garbage time, not miracle shots to win any of these games. Detroit is going to beat the shit out of Cleveland. The Piston frontline is so vastly superior to that of the Bullets that dudes like Sideshow Varejeo and Gooden will be reduced to meaningless bit players in loss after loss after loss. Sorry, LeBron, but you are going to get a lesson.
Pistons in 5.

Mr. East
LeBron James will one day be King. Not yet. He is so talented at such a young age that we forget that he can’t even buy a beer. There are those out there who believe in James, and think he has a puncher’s chance against the Pistons, but that team is just too good. There isn’t a single player outside of LeBron that would see minutes on the Pistons, and that should tell you enough. I expect the Pistons to sweep and go on to dominate everyone else as well. You’re looking at the new Bulls, without Michael. If they stay together, I think they can go to the Finals every season and win a good handful of titles.
Pistons in 4.

Heat-Nets
Mr. West
I hope the Nets win. I hope Vinsanity plays inspired ball like he did all year against the Heat. I hope Shaq sits with foul trouble. I hope Kidd finally finds his range from deep. Sigh ... I fear this will not happen. Despite the fact that Heat are prone to veteran lethargy and major lengths of mental blocks, I do not see how the Nets will challenge Miami for this series given Vince Carter's tendency to shrink in rough games. His flashes of brilliance will be matched play-for-play with his love for bad shots and 20-ft. fadeaways. Once Collins and Kristic get in foul trouble, the Nets are done. If there was any series for Jason Kidd to dominate, this is the one the Nets need the most.
Heat in 5.

Mr. East
The Nets are good. The main reason the Nets are good is because they have Jason Kidd. In our season preview, Mr. West and I heaped praise on Kidd and he’s lived up to it again. Vince is also good. He’s not Kidd good, but he’s better than most of the other guys at his position in the league. Richard Jefferson is good. He’s not Vince good, but he’s better than most of the guys at his position in the league. No one else is good.
Heat in 5.

Spurs-Mavericks
Mr. West
Dallas has gotten better and better to create a playoff-winning
basketball team. Sure, it is not fair for them to face San Antonio in the second round but it had to be done sooner or later. But the Mavs are not ready to topple the Spurs.
Tim Duncan should destroy the Dallas big men because goofballs like Dampier are meat on a stick to him while smaller dudes on Dallas play small. Truly, if Avery Johnson had balls, he should have Dirk guarding Duncan. Of course, dirty cheapskate Bruce Bowen will be on Dirk-- and Dirk (and Dallas) will only thrive if he can somehow use footwork to beat him off the dribble. The Spurs have the savvy and the Mavs don't.
Spurs in 6.

Mr. East
This is a tough series to pick. Dallas is not the soft bunch of finesse guys they used to be and I think they have a formula to beat the Spurs. Nowitzki’s mutant powers make him potentially the best player in the series, apologies to Tim Duncan, and they may be ready to take the next step. Avery Johnson was a great coach on the floor as a player and it’s translated to the bench. All that said, the Spurs have been there. Duncan is still one of the premier big men in the game, although he didn’t dominate this year as much as in years past. I actually have no evidence to support that, so I might be guilty of talking out my ass, but it sure seems that way. None of that matters though, because the other guys on the Spurs are better than the other guys on the Mavs and that’s what wins.
Spurs in 6

Suns-Clippers
Mr. West
You'd think the Suns were primed for a Clipper beating: they just went the distance with the Lakers, their "big men" needed to cover Brand and Kaman re really just tall guards, and the Clippers are the darkhorse the critics love. Sorry, I'm not buying it. Having seen the regular season matchups between these teams, the fact is that the Suns small-ball effectively removes Kaman from the court and renders Brand as an outcast on the court. The Suns are basically going to dangle bloody meat in front of Cassell, Mobley, Maggette and Radmonovic: "look, boys, we'll let you run, we'll let you shoot ... go ahead, you know you want to ..." I like Sammy Cassell but he will be so tempted to get up and down and jack shots that Brand and Kaman (the true Clippers strengths) will be an afterthought. This series should be fun but disciplined ball won't be found here.
Suns in 7.

Mr. East
I’d like to go with Mr. West’s analysis on this one because I think the Suns are the better team. I think Marion and Nash are the best two players on the floor, even considering the outstanding Elton Brand, and they have one of the other members of the top 5 players in the series in Boris Diaw. Tough to pick the Clips, to me. I’m going to. This is the playoffs, and while the Suns showed they have lasting power against tall odds and Kobe Bryant, it’s just a smokescreen to celebrate that comeback without acknowledging that the Lakers are a middle of the road ballclub. Yes, they had a big run at the end of the year to turn their record from .500 to a playoff qualifier, but they still start Kwame Brown, Smush Parker, and Luke Walton. The Suns should have won that series in 5. The Clips have the best post player in the series and that’s how I pick my playoff series when it’s close. It’s not clear cut here so I go with Brand. He’s ready to follow The Alien and WWE’s Kamanator into the Conference Finals….
Clippers in 6

Larry Brown, Insured Chickenshit

2006-04-17T06:21:00.000-07:00

The master exit strategy of Larry Brown has already started. As we hyped it here on Jan 19th, Brown is starting to use the angle of "poor health" to quit the Knicks and take the money as he rides into the sunset.

In perhaps the only wise move they made all year, supposedly the Knicks have an insurance policy in place should Brown get too sick. Not sure what pixie dust the insurance carrier was inhaling to ever inspire issuing that policy but any insurance adjuster may very well investigate Brown's medical records when all is said and done with millions on the line-- this could get ugly.

Larry Brown missing the recent Knicks games due to health issues is classic acting which he clearly picked up from his 5-year old kid: "oh, daddy, I can’t eat anymore spinach ... my tummy hurts!" He used to get out of Detroit last year. This genius approach ensures that the press and the Knicks as an organization keep criticism at bay because, hey, who the hell is going to fault a guy for falling ill?

But perhaps the one dude who really is sick is Stephon Marbury. Either Starbury is a cruel, sarcastic asshole or he is so stupid that he deserves all the criticism heaped upon him with this comment made two days ago: "We need him right now, we've been playing really good basketball." Uh, Steph, your squad is about to break the record for most losses ever by a Knicks squad. Lay off the pipe at least 30 minutes before talking to the press, OK, my man?

Did anyone ever think that hiring a 65-year old dude is akin to digging up a grave in the modern NBA? Medicare kicks in at 65. Pearl Harbor was 65 years ago. These dudes were balling 65 years ago but don’t sleep on the Roff High School Oklahoma 1941 squad.

Finally, was there any doubt Brown was going to avoid the game in Detroit yesterday? He may actually have been sick to the stomach because can you imagine going back to Detroit with the worst record in the league to face a team with the best record in the league? The term is called "chickenshit."

Mr. West

For the Nerds: 2005-2006 NBA Fantasy Review

2006-04-12T06:46:00.000-07:00

OK, it's true, I admit it: I play fantasy sports. Well, "play" is a strong term really, more like "participate in." Anyhoo, for those of you who play in a 12-category league or somewhat serious league, here is a review for you ...

Stud of the Year: Shawn Marion

Bust of the Year: Tracy McGrady

Most Underrated: Mike James

Surprise Sleeper: Boris Diaw

Top Rookie: Chris Paul

Still Better Than You Think Team: Antawn Jamison, Paul Pierce, Lamar Odom, Brevin Knight

Still Overrated Team: Baron Davis, Dwight Gooden, Wally Szczerbiak, Rip Hamilton

And the most important section for you readers ...

Players who will make the biggest leaps next season (of course, trades, injuries and free agency really shape offseason changes for players):
Chris Wilcox, Andrew Bogut, Nenad Krstic, Bonzi Wells, Danny Granger, Chris Kaman

Mr. West

Sweet Sixteen 2006: Science Does Not Lie

2006-03-27T15:27:00.000-08:00

Gamblers take note!! Using the ESPN final poll of 2006 (pre-tourney), 9 of the top 10 teams are in the Sweet Sixteen. But only 13 of the top 25 teams are still alive. What does this mean? Top teams are, undoubtedly, the best teams while "good" teams are overrated, and the mid-major and minor conference teams are better than thought.

But let's go a step further.

American sports fans are getting both a little smarter and more humble these days. Recent Olympics and the World Baseball Classic have provided proof that if teams are given equal footing, the supposed "top" teams are not as great as originally thought. But sports need seeds because a round-robin format is impossible to use in most sports tournaments.

But to what extent is March Madness a self-fulfilling prophecy dominated by the major collegiate programs? Critics have rightfully argued that pre-rankings make no sense in sports since the pollsters already have set in their heads who is good and who is bad. But when it comes to the Tourney, why all of a sudden do the rankings mean so little? Isn't that what everyone so worked so hard for all season? Can hard numbers be used to show how the seeds for March Madness are flawed? Yes, we all know Tennessee sucked and did not earn a #2 seed but they were lucky to even lose in Round 2. But what about teams like UCLA? Would they last long if not given a #2 seed? Doubtful.

It really is not worth bitching and moaning about seeds when it comes to the NCAA Tourney because, despite strong opinions and some rational thought, it is a completely subjective ranking system. The selection process seems fair enough and everyone has their own take on who deserved a spot and who didn't. Still, one huge question looms: "why not just use the final poll rankings to determine who gets the seeds? What are the pools for if they are not used in the major event that determines the NCAA champion?" Let's see what happens when we apply a little hard science to the seeds and how they have fared so far in 2006.

Using the final 2006 rankings from the USA Today/ESPN poll (pre-Tourney)[note- #26-#42 based on votes received, in order], we give you thefollowing ...

Table:
Number on the left is the final poll ranking.
Number on the right is the seed each team received.
* Indicate teams that received an oddly high seed
+ Indicate teams that received an oddly low seed
X Indicate teams that are out of the tourney

Of the final Top 42 teams according to the polls:

6 teams (*) received high seeds that they did not earn. All of these overrated teams except Wichita State are out of the tourney. The losses indicate that, despite getting easier draws as high seeds, these teams'final rankings rather than their seeds showed that they were not very good after all. 15 teams (+) received lower seeds than they deserved. 3 of these teams are in the Sweet Sixteen. The underrated teams who were ranked in the top 25 have gone a combined 7-1.

Fact: 11 of the teams ranked #25-#40 got a lower seed than their ranking deserved. Almost all of these teams are from minor conferences (UAB, Bucknell, UNCW, Pacific, Murray State, etc.). If one compares final ranking to seed rankings, then GW and Pacific got fucked the hardest: GW should have earned a 3-4 seed based on final rankings but instead got an 8 seed; Pacific, despite being ranked #34 in the country in the polls, it earned a 13 seed which is the equivalent of being ranked 52nd in the
country.

So the question that must be asked is: if the teams who unfairly (when based solely on final poll rankings) got seeds 9 or lower in the 2006 Tourney instead received fair seeds, would they be winning more? Yes-the numbers indicate that they would be getting more wins.

1. Duke (1 seed)
2. Connecticut (1 seed)
3. Memphis (1 seed)
4. Villanova (1 seed)

+5. Gonzaga (3 seed)
X 6. Ohio St. (2 seed)
+ 7. Boston Coll. (4 seed)
8. UCLA (2 seed)

9. Texas (2 seed)
10. Florida (3 seed)
X + 11. Geo. Washington (8 seed)
X 12. North Carolina (3 seed)

X 13. Kansas (4 seed)
X 14. Illinois (4 seed)
X * 15. Iowa (3 seed)
X 16. Pittsburgh (5 seed)

17. Washington (5 seed)
18. LSU (4 seed)
X * 19. Tennessee (2 seed)
X 20. Oklahoma (6 seed)

X 21. Nevada (5 seed)
X * 22. Syracuse (5 seed)
23. West Virginia (6 seed)
+ 24. Georgetown (7 seed)

X + 25. UAB (9 seed)
X + 26. Bucknell (9 seed)
X + 27. N.C. State (10 seed)
X * 28. Michigan St. (6 seed)

X 29.California (7 seed)
X + 30. N.C. Wilmington (9 seed)
X + 31. San Diego St. (11 seed)
X + 32. Southern Ill. (11 seed)

X * 33. Marquette (7 seed)
X + 34. Pacific (13 seed)
* 35. Wichita St. (7 seed)
X 36. Arkansas (8 seed)

X + 37. Kent St. (12 seed)
X + 38. Murray St. (14 seed)
X + 39. Texas A&M (12 seed)
X + 40. South Alabama (14 seed)

X 41. Alabama (10 seed)
X * 42. Indiana (6 seed)

[Mr. East note: The Final Four this year now features George Mason(11 seed), Florida(3), LSU(4), and UCLA(2). Would UCLA have made it if not for the high seed? We'll never know, but they're here aren't they? George Mason is a great story as only 2 other teams seeded 9th or lower have ever made the Final Four. Fuel for Mr. West's argument?]

Slam-ela Anderson

2006-03-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

Yup. It happened. Candace Parker of the University of Tennessee Lady Vols threw down, not one, but two dunks in an NCAA Tournament game against Army. Oh shit!

Parker has been known to dunk for some time, and people have been waiting for this moment with great anticipation. A woman dunking in an actual basketball game, against human players, with arms and legs, is like Kobe's 81 point game. People lose their minds and rub their eyes and talk about it all week at the water cooler. Hell, I'm actually blogging about women's basketball today. That ought to tell you something.

I don't mind women's basketball as much as a lot of other guys. I don't expect to see the same kind of explosive athletic ability when I watch, and I can enjoy the team concept. I'm not saying that I could actually follow a team for an entire season, or spend a Saturday afternoon in front of the TV glued to the WNBA. Shudder. It takes cheerleaders dunking off trampolines to get most guys to pay attention to women and hoops at the same time.

But, there it is. The dunks that have us all talking. The first one was a facial by women's standards, as there was actually a defender involved in the play. The second dunk was in traffic too, but it was weak. Just because the person heading above the rim doesn't have a penis, it doesn't mean I have to think it's a good dunk.

The reason this is such a big deal is that only 3 women before her had actually dunked in a game. We've basically had one dunk per decade in women's hoops, so it's kind of like actually getting a decent Super Bowl in terms of frequency. Let's take a look at the pioneers of the Ladies Dunk.

1. 6'7" Georgeann Wells of the University of West Virginia Lady Mountaineers made history in December of 1984 by throwing down a dunk in competition. As the story goes, the game was played in Elkin, West Virginia's National Guard Armory during the Mountaineer Christmas Classic against Da vis & Elkins College. Thrilling. She did it again once that season.

2. Charlotte Smith of the University of North Carolina, who is now an assistant coach at her alma mater pulled off the feat 10 years later. In 1994, Charlotte pulled off the "girl dunk" and wowed America all over again. She will always be remembered for her miracle shot against Lousiana Tech in the 1994 NCAA Tournament to give her team the victory 60-59. That is far more impressive to me, but whatever floats your boat.

3. July 30th, 2002. Lisa Leslie of the WNBA's Los Angeles Sparks finally gets her dunk. For years people talked about Leslie's chance to throw down in a professional game, and she gave her fans something to talk about. Leslie scored 101 points in the first half of a high school game, and had been a superstar in the women's basketball world for a very long time before her dunk. The dunk capped things off for her, and she went on to lead the Sparks to a second consecutive championship that year as well.

4. Michelle Snow, 6'5" Center for the Tennessee Lady Vols threw down a sick dunk in the Maui Invitational in 2004. She stole the ball, ran the break, and woofed a dunk with legs dangling underneath her. The picture says it all. That's a dunk! None of this lay it over the rim, George Mikan business. Michelle went on to dunk 2 more times in her collegiate career, and sparked the serious debate about whether it's good for the game or not. Gino Auriemma and John Wooden both chimed in to say they didn't like it. Waaaaaaaaah!!! Waaaaaaaaah!! Which is better, obsolete sport or 10 year old girls everywhere in the world challenging themselves to be stronger, faster, and better? Thank you.

That brings us to Candace Parker. The debate is going to start again, and you'll hear plenty about how the women's game isn't about dunking. Blah. Blah. Blah. It's not like you're going to see players on every team suddenly jump out of the gym like David Thompson, just because the taboo is broken or something. Eventually, I expect to see more players able to do what Candace Parker did against Army, but it's not the mens game and you're not likely to see any women busting out the 1988 Dominique Wilkins moves anytime soon, even if you see a women's player actually named Dominique.

Ooooh, Does Baby Want a Bottle?

2006-03-04T16:59:00.000-08:00

Mr. West Editorial

The NBA has a major fucking problem on its hands. And this problem is reflective of many issues the league, and the sport of basketball on the whole, faces. THERE IS ZERO RESPECT SHOWN TO REFS.

Maybe the USA's pathetic outing in recent hoops tourneys tells you something. NBA players are so used to NBA-style calls and the inevitable bitching about the calls, that they have no idea how tohandle true, pure basketball refereeing. In the Olympics and international tourneys, the refs are from all across the world-- and they interpret rules literally. And the poor dumb Americans have yet to adjust.

Anyone else remember Tim Duncan crying about refs for the first time in his life, Iverson getting called for traveling, and "stars" like Pierce and Marion expecting NBA-like fouls to go there way against supposed scrubs from Europe? Wake up, you morons, it's called fair refs calling the game as it was intended.

I literally cannot watch NBA games anymore because of the bitching from players on calls. Every call. Every goddamn call!! Players now dispute, contest, plead, scowl, cry and yell over every single foul called. Blatant hacks, obvious infractions, and clear arm swipes are constantly being subjected to players' screaming their innocence for the whole world to see.

Of course, we all know no one fouls in the NBA, right?

The hostility shown to refs from literally everyone on the court (players, coaches, any number of the 18 assistant coaches) for the most basic calls is unbelievable. No other league has these issues. Why? They actually have rules and protocol about disputing calls. MLB saved major time and respect when it fully banned players from disputing balls and strikes-- you argue the call, you get tossed. Period. And the rule has worked perfectly; arguments are minimal, play goes on, and,(surprise!) the quality of calls has remained the same.

If the current disrespect and challenge of ref authority, even on basic judgment calls, continues in the NBA, some player is going to attack a ref. The Ref Union knows it. All players have been shown that challenging NBA refs is not just acceptable, it is welcomed. Pardon the deep analysis, but the attitudes and approach of modern NBA players almost insists that they complain about calls or else they are viewed as weak, subservient, and a bitch/punk by themselves and their fellow players. It is an ego thing that has morphed into a self-image thing which now, as any sociologist will tell you, a very much real social code that almost must be honored.

Today's NBA players have almost all grown up in the 90's in terms of their basketball playing. The behavior of star players on TV, their AAU coaches, college coaches, etc. has been one that has perpetuated the challenging of the refs' authority. Coaches like Tom Izzo and John Calipari are a disgrace to respect: they flail, bitch, scream, and fight with the refs all game long. And I'm sure this has no impact on players whatsoever! Even old school coaches like Chaney and Bobby Knight have gotten worse over the years, swept up in violent acts against players while spitting venom at authority figures. High schools are now having to set strict rules about when, where, and who can do what from the bench at games now.

Thanks to the NBA, it is near impossible to watch a college game without kids bitching on every call. Add high school to the mix now, too. Players somehow actually feel the refs pain them more than their own stupidity or skills.

The NBA needs to institute a hard and fast rule. It is a simple one that can be done overnight: no players dispute fouls. Only coaches may dispute fouls, and that may only be done in such a way that does not require the ref to stop the flow of the game. Now, NBA players demand to have some back-and-forth with refs, and the refs, to their credit, like to explain things so the player understands. Therefore, only team captains may even talk to the refs about calls or problems they may have- not to dispute but to get the explanation. Anyone arguing calls gets a T. This will shut up the bitches something fierce.

Maybe the USA's pathetic outing in recent hoops tourneys tells you something.

(Mr East Note: My favorite moment of referee justice was when Rasheed Wallace was ejected from the McDonalds All America game for blowing a gasket after fouling out. I wish I could find a photo.....)

SHAZAM!

2006-03-01T03:33:00.000-08:00

Who is Jason McElwain? How 'bout if I told you he is a high school basketball player from Rochester, NY who just scored 20 points in the final 4 minutes of his team's last home game. He made 6 threes and was carried off on his schoolmates shoulders. Is he headed to Duke? UNC? Wake? UCLA?

How 'bout if I told you he is the team manager. You're thinking NAIA, Scottie Pippen style right? He'll go to a Division 1A school next year or junior college and end up at Cincinnati or Syracuse, right?

How 'bout if I told you the guy is autistic?

No....I'm serious. Check out this story and tell me there is no God. This is the kind of human drama that only sports can bring us, and aside from the cynical rants that I love so much, I follow this maddening pursuit because things like this happen Way ta go kid!

Mr. East (aka Billy Batson)

Up, Up to the Sky

2006-02-28T06:12:00.000-08:00

If every NBA player had a web site like this I might start to like them all just a little bit more. Ironically, Kenny Skywalker seems to be one down-to-earth guy. He might be half-retarded and in the closet, but a guy who has earned my respect with the slice of Internet magic.

Mr. West

Lost Cause

2006-02-28T05:45:00.000-08:00

Mr. East editorial

Back so soon with a Knick commentary? Yeah. Sadly.....yeah.

I hadn't intended to write so much about the Knicks at East versus West, but they have turned into the most intriguing disaster since Katrina, and it isn't getting better anytime soon. I mean ANYTIME. Decades.

Why the extra-adrenaline-induced burst of pessimism? Well, it's become so obvious that the players don't care that I don't expect any of them to take the season seriously this year, next year, or anytime for the rest of their Knick lives. Evidence?

1. They've lost 20 of 22.

This just doesn't happen in the NBA to teams with former All-Stars. It's not like Marbury and Francis have lost limbs. It's not like they have had microfracture knee surgery. On sheer talent alone on of those guys should have gone off for a 40 point night and single-handedly won ONE game. Even the worst teams win a fluke. I think the saying goes...every dog has his day.

2. They have never shown any guts.

When you think of guts you think of guys like Iverson, Jordan, Stockton, Payton, Kidd, Duncan. You don't even have to look that high up on the ladder of NBA greats. Try Oakley, Starks, Terry Porter, Vinnie Johnson...hell...Shane Battier, even.

On a team in turmoil the only way to settle the ship is to get floorburn. A couple of guys have to will victory or suffer death. It's as simple as adopting the warrior mentality. We are not going to f&%ing lose as long as I can walk. If one guy does it, the rest of the team is embarassed not to. When two guys do it you start to compete. When three or more do it, you win. Damn simple. No guts.

3. No leadership either.

Stephon Marbury's idea of leadership is cursing out his teammates, questioning their heart, and then coming to practice late. He's a terrible leader. Francis is no better. The report coming out of the press says that a fan heckled Francis and asked him where he was going next. He said, "The bank." which on the surface is a clever-ass line, but hardly the kind of thing a mature ballplayer would say. The malcontent label fits. Jalen Rose has always had leadership potential, but he's far from being the man on this team and his voice will only go so far. Eddy Curry? No comment. Channing Frye? Maybe in a few years when the veterans are either out the door or broken down. Teams with no leadership have cashed it in before they even start the season.

4. Chicken McNuggets an hour before gametime.

It sounds like a joke. It sounds a lot like Rickey Henderson playing cards in the Mets' clubhouse. Actually the Knicks are a lot like the high-priced 1993 Vince Coleman Mets, save a firecracker or two. What's more, apparently I'm not the only one to make this analogy.Two unnamed Knicks were eating greasy-ass Mickey-D's before a game. Strictly unprofessional. Top athletes, not named Babe Ruth, regard their bodies with more respect than that. Before a game you need to be focused mentally and physically and you can't do that when you have a stomach full of toxic waste churning your Gatorade into battery acid. Idiots.

5. The Coach has lost his players.

Does it seem like anyone is listening? He shits on the players in the papers and then expects them to kiss his ass for the 13 minutes of playing time they get. After a missed shot and a turnover your night is through. If coach would settle on a 7 man rotation and stick with it, the law would be layed down, a few guys would re-focus and start playing, and you'd limit the malcontents to a handful of has beens. I suggest:

Marbury
Francis
Rose
Frye
Curry
plus: Lee and Crawford

Out of the mix are Q.Rich, Woods, Taylor, M.Rose, Nate, Jerome James

Live or die with it. Let them run. They're losing anyway. Let them form a bit of cohesion as a unit. Let the young guys get in the mix. What's the worst thing that could happen? You're giving your lottery pick to the Bulls anyway, right?

Where's this kind of fight when you need it?

Mr. East

The Eighth Wonder

2006-02-17T21:03:00.000-08:00

Here at East versus West, we've been thinking. What would it mean to the game if some freak of nature were to suddenly spring on the scene and dramatically alter our understanding of basketball dynamics. That freak of nature: The Eight-Foot Man. Enjoy.
_________________________________________________________
(Mr. West)

Get ready. He is coming. The Eight-Foot Man.

Eight feet of human flesh and bone. That puts a man's head just below the twine under the rim. It means an extended hand upward clears therim by about, oh, 4". Standing still, this man can reach up and bend his wrist at the rim without jumping.

I guarantee that in our lifetime, in 25 years, we will see an 8-footer play hoops. It will mildly alter the game of NBA basketball. And in 40 years a decent 8-footer will actually be good enough to drastically change the rules of the game.

Speaking strictly scientifically, based on the recent rate of growth of humans accelerated by new diets, drugs, and selective genetics, it is inevitable that the 8-foot baller is on the horizon. Will he be a genetic freak made in a lab? No. But he will emerge from some mysterious land (Africa, China?) to ride the pine at some D-I school. Then he will be followed by a few more until one lands in the NBA. He will suck. Yes, he will suck dozens upon dozens of eggs. But that gangly giraffe motherfucker will be getting paid while you and I mock his uncoordinated gait.

I envision the 8-footer to be the fans' hero-the scrub at the end of the bench who gets Darkoesque love when he makes a hoop in garbage time. Highlight material for the wisecracking ESPN SportsCenter guys. He will be a tall Yinka Dare. Shit, a tall Manut Bol or Gheorghe Muresan for that matter. And while little guards and athletic forwards will dominate the game thereby rendering our colossal goofball useless, that tall man upon men will start to change the game.

Yao ain't shit. Shawn Bradley wasn't shit. Muresan was funny but he was shit, too. Other players who are shorter are infinitely better and more fun to watch. And the NBA game has all but phased out low post play. Hell, without Shaq I am not sure the center position would even still exist. Does anyone like to be a center? No. Does anyone even respect a center anymore? No. So once Shaq dies (yes, the Big Diesel is soon gonna need a Big Transplant) the 8-footer can do his thing. No, he will not dribble and shoot 3's. But his shot blocking in the paint will be OK enough to make an impact.

But watch...the first few tall dorks will be horrible. Until the real Man shows up. Ready to play. Ready to force rims to be 11'. Ready to make 3 seconds illegal on defending centers. Watch.
_________________________________________________________
(Mr. East)

Mr. West must have missed it, but we have already seen the coming of the 8-Foot Player. I admit that I had never heard of Ali Nashnush Suleiman until I began to research this piece. I still have been unable to find a photo of this hideous freak from Libya, but I was able to discern that he was a Libyan who played for his national team in the early 1960s. I don't toss around the word freak lightly in this case with no photo evidence to back me up. I can draw a fairly solid conclusion about this hulking lummox by his entry in the IMDB actors listings for Fellini's Satyricon. Nuff said.

Obviously, Ali Nashnush bore no resemblence to Steve Nash(nush) because his basketball career has gone largely undocumented. This is not the case for the current "World's Tallest Basketball Player", Kosen Sultan of Turkey(at right). This 2.42 meter behemoth belongs to the Turkish Basketball Club, Galatasaray from Istanbul...as I translate meters to feet, I come up with 8-foot one-half inch. According to this french article, he is from a small village of 20 homes on the border of Turkey and Iraq, and he can dunk without jumping. No one in his family is more than about 6 feet tall. He's 22 years old and doctors say he will max out at around 8 feet, 2 inches, and change. He has been receiving some surgeries that will allow him to play basketball and move more freely, but never for more than 15 minutes a game. It will be interesting to see if he can do anything on the court other than look ridiculous for those 15 minutes.

The pituitary condition "gigantism" seems to be the main contributor to unusually large humans, and in particular to the overgrown benchwarmers that have occasionally captivated the attention of the public. Out of control hormones have produced more than one basketball player in recent years. Guys like Manute Bol and Gheorghe Muresan come to mind immediately when we think of this phenomenon, but neither of those players could physically compete on a nightly basis.

Ralph Sampson was a pre-cursor to skilled big men like Kevin Garnett and Dirk Nowitzki but he, too, was unable to escape the debilitating knee problems that come with such gigantic proportions. Yao Ming is the reigning NBA hulk, and as far as centers go represents an evolution of sorts that has brought the idea of "super-sized" players into the realm of realistic discussion instead of being simple shot-blocking curiosities. So, is it so far fetched that Mr. West would imagine a guy playing in the NBA at 8-feet tall? Not at all. In 40 years will we see a skilled 8-footer that changes the game? Maybe. What would that be like?

Can you imagine the pre-draft hype? I think Hubie Brown's head would explode! The teams waiting for the ping pong ball would be required to hook up to a respirator for fear of hyperventilation. How many teams would tank the season to get at Mr. Big? Unfortunately for the Knicks, the 2050 1st round pick that they traded to the Las Vegas Kings is not lottery protected and GM Isiah Thomas III's team is sitting at 11-67 with a week to play.

Free Channing Frye

2006-01-28T19:54:00.000-08:00

Mr. East editorial

This is a new regular feature that I've decided to write. It's not so much a plea to play a favorite player, but rather a plea to make sense out of the future of my favorite team....The Knicks. Mr. West has given light to the Larry Brown equation in this analysis, so check that out too.

There's no secret that my favorite player is Charles Oakley. The era of Knicks basketball that he helped to define was enjoyable to watch, despite the roughness of the battle. The results were unquestionably successful and you knew exactly what the franchise was trying to do. Hustle. Defend. Rebound. Win.

The sorry state of affairs at the Garden since the end of the Ewing era continues and seemingly becomes more clouded in controversy and rudderless on court play as well. The problems that face this franchise are so daunting and embarrassing that I would strongly call for the elimination of the team from the NBA if it were in a city like Kansas City or Oklahoma City. However, it's not. It one of two remaining cornerstone franchises of the league (the Celtics are the other) and sits in the world's most famous city in the "world's most famous arena".

Let's look at a couple of the hideous problems plaguing the team and talk about them, shall we?

1. The Salary Cap
How did it ever come to this? I remember the days of Al Bianchi in the front office, when we used our first round picks on guys like Jerrod Mustaf (see: right). That sucked. I remember Ernie Grunfeld investing in Chris Childs to run the point. That also sucked. How about the brilliant Layden era, when we brought in Howard Eisley and Willie Anderson's little brother as important cogs to the team.

As the Ewing days came to a close, I begged the invisible Knicks' management living in my apartment (or rather my head) to call it a day. I begged them to get the cap under control, let the team suck for a few years, and build something from scratch. Yeah, the Garden would have been dark during the NBA playoffs, but...well....what does it look like now?

We are so far over the cap that it will take a decade of smart management to get it under control. Only it doesn't look like that's in anyone's plans now, and we continue to spiral out of control with a worse and worse product on the court each year. Let the contracts that will expire, expire guys and take my advice for once.

2. Isiah Thomas
I wasn't against Isiah at first. I thought he made some smart moves as President of the Raptors back in the day. He could draft well, and he did point guard a Detroit team to two championships. Then again, he sucked as the coach of the Pacers....

Now it is apparent that he has no plan. It is clear that he can draft well, but that he has zero people skills, less business sense, and a poor eye for existing talent. Fire him now before it gets worse....

3. Larry Brown
Very smart coach. Good track record of success. New Yorker. Now for the rest of his personality traits....stubborn old man, greedy bastard, disloyal asshole. This is the guy that you've selected to run your asylum of mediocre talent and mentally weak salary thieves.

How the fuck does this guy continue to be the darling of New York when he loses to the Sixers, minus Iverson, by 15 points, while starting Qyntel Woods and Maurice Taylor over Trevor Ariza and Channing Frye. Ariza didn't play a single minute, Frye played 16, and Jamal Crawford played 18. On top of that Jackie Butler and Malik Rose played 15 minutes each while David Lee didn't play and Quentin Richardson played 19.

Attention Larry Brown: You aren't coaching the Pistons anymore. You can't expect this roster to be the Pistons. They are the crappy Knicks, and your best players are Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford, David Lee, Channing Frye, and Eddy Curry. Ariza, Robinson, and Richardson are next. Mo Taylor, Malik Rose, Antonio Davis, and Jackie Butler should never see more than 10 minutes in a game and more than two of those guys should never see minutes in the same game.

The young guys need to grow, and learn to play as a unit. They are the future. The future could be bright. The "now" is hideous and you are making it worse. FREE CHANNING FRYE!!!

4. Stephon Marbury
This guy has actually kept his mouth fairly quiet and has adopted some of the things that Brown wants him to do. He gets 40+ minutes night in and night out and rightly so. That having been said, I fear that Isiah has fueled the worst case scenario with Marbury by giving him as much clout in the organization as he has. The lockerroom is Steph's but he can't handle being a leader. He's a selfish guy with a big head who can ball like crazy. He surrounded by family and friends (in the organization!) who reinforce his distorted self-image and I fear that we are stuck with something unmanagable. We should let his contract play out and then let him go.

So much for post#1 in my regular Knick editorials. The main idea you should take away from this editorial is...PLAY THE YOUNG GUYS! Screw the here and now, and plan for the future. In the next edition, I will spell out the steps that I think will save the franchise from itself.

Mr. East

Mid-term Coaching Grades - EAST

2006-01-27T01:07:00.000-08:00

Atlanta: Mike Woodson (D+)
The Hawks have the worst record in the league. The only thing that keeps Woodson from an F is his roster of duplicated positions.

Boston: Doc Rivers (C-)
I like Doc. One of my favorite Knicks. He’d make a better GM than coach.

Charlotte: Bernie Bickerstaff (C)
Second worst record in the league, but lowest payroll. Bickerstaff isn’t a top coach but he’s got his young guys competing.

Chicago: Scott Skiles (F)
Dumbest rotation in the NBA. Stick with a few guys and let them play Scooter.

Cleveland: Mike Brown (B+)
With LeBron you should win the division, unless Detroit is ahead of you. So-so talent, but good results so far for the 1st year coach.

Detroit: Flip Saunders (A+)
Credit to Larry Brown for toughening this group up, but more credit to Flip for keeping them loose enough to take it to the next level. Coach of the Year.

Indiana: Rick Carlisle (A)
He’s another coach in the control freak mold, but I actually like him. He keeps his team at the top even with distractions (Artest) and injuries (Tinsley/O’Neal).

Miami: Pat Riley (B)
Pat hasn’t been around long enough to fairly grade him as a coach, but he’s put to rest the talk about playing time and ball-sharing. Reputation alone gets him a B.

Milwaukee: Terry Stotts (B)
The season is still young and this roster of mediocre talent may just yet collapse, but in fairness to Stotts, he’s coached his team to a playoff position so far.

New Jersey: Lawrence Frank (B+)
If you’d asked me two weeks ago, I’d have given him a C-, but the recent win streak has the Nets on top and patience has seemed to pay off. (and a healthier Kidd).

New York: Larry Brown (C-)
In my pre-season prediction for this team, I said that the best runs would be with the younger guys playing. It’s taken LB too long to figure that out. Free Channing Frye!

Orlando: Brian Hill (D+)
I don’t know why Orlando wanted a second go around with this career sub-.500 coach, but they’re getting what they paid for. No Hill, and a shit Steve Francis hurts him.

Philadelphia: Mo Cheeks (C)
Poor Mo. He’s inherited a tough coaching job. Allen Iverson is as good as it gets, but he dominates his team so much. With Webber available most of the year, they should be over .500. Sorry Mo.

Toronto: Sam Mitchell (F)
Losing to Maccabi Tel Aviv in the pre-season and allowing Kobe 81 points should qualify him for an F- or a G, but he is coaching the worst franchise outside Atlanta after all.

Washington: Eddie Jordan (B-)
Everyone says he’s on the hot seat, but this roster just isn’t that good. Outside Arenas, and Jamison on some nights, this team sucks. Name one other guy you’d want playing minutes on your team.

Mid-term Coaching Grades - WEST

2006-01-27T01:02:00.000-08:00

Dallas Mavericks, Avery Johnson: A
The Mavs are playing great ball, right on the heels of the Spurs with a
record of 29-10. That means they are one game out of home court
advantage for the playoffs. And that is huge for Dallas. Lil' Man
Avery has them playing tougher and leaner. Dirk is now in "not to be
fucked with" territory. Also, they have the best road record in the NBA
next to the Pistons.

Denver Nuggets, George Karl: C+
Karl is a real Jekyl & Hyde. One minute he seems smart, the next minute
he seems like a moron. Last season he was a "genius" but this season he
has been, well, bearable. The Nuggets played above their heads last
season and are underperforming this season. Karl has not figured out
how to combat the injuries properly nor has he addressed the shooting
guard dilemma firmly. But he's doing alright. The shitty division
helps him, too.

Golden State Warriors, Mike Montgomery: C
The Warriors were the "hot" pre-season pick for some but no coach is
going to change the essence of that squad easily. Still, Montgomery has
been unable to get wins from a squad with good talent. In his defense,
I do not think Baron Davis or Jason Richardson are "winners" at all, and
changing their styles is impossible. But he needs to play better role
players and instill a sense of urgency. Fast.

Houston Rockets, Jeff Van Gundy: F
Admit it, he sucks as a coach right now. His style and stringent
approach to the game is not right for the Rockets or really the NBA
anymore. Yes, injuries have not helped but with Yao and McGrady, this
team still underperformed. Basketball is not football-- every play
should not be controlled by the coach. 3-13 at home? Shit, my 7th
grade hoop coach could get more wins. A lousy, lousy job.

LA Clippers, Mike Dunleavy: B+
The Clippers have been doing it. The rotation has been solid, the
players have been balling in roles that work for them, and the Clips
have the wins to show for it. The Maggette situation (always injured,
not a team player) is still there, as is the Livingston experiment (he
does not help the team when on the floor but he has to learn sometime)
but Dunleavy has kept it all together.

LA Lakers, Phil Jackson: B
Maybe Kobe should be listed as the coach because Phil cannot do much
except watch Kobe go off each night. Phil is not the master anymore
because, surprise, Jordan or Shaq is not on his team. But he lets his
team play and does not get too involved, which is wise with Kobe & Co.
Say this, I would not want to face the Lakers in the playoffs. So give
Jackson some credit.

Memphis Grizzlies, Mike Fratello: A-
The Grizz are winning: one the road, in tight games and with injuries.
Fratello, with his bizarre dyed hair that is strikingly gay, has been
the coach to finally let Pau be the man. If he just developed a
functioning center to deal with Western big men, he would be an A+.

Minnesota Timberwolves, Dwane Casey: C
Does anyone even know anything about this guy? He is so under the radar
he must be a genius! Look, the T-Wolves have Garnett and garbage. So
playing .500 ball in the Western Conference is not so bad, is it? But
Casey has handled the center position horribly and is faced with the
problem that Jaric and Hudson, now both playing OK, are at the same
position.

Oklahoma City Hornets, Byron Scott: A-
Wow. I'm not sure how Scott went from being voted as the worst NBA
coach 2 years ago by NBA players to getting this wreck of a team to
.500, in the Western Conference no less. So give them man his due. He
has played Chris Paul to be the man and basically scrapped his way with
NBA journeymen who can ball when given the chance.

Phoenix Suns, Mike D'Antoni: A
Uh, yeah, the guy can coach. The anti-Van Gundy: his team scores, moves
the ball, and wins. With supposedly limited talent. How many other
teams could turn Boris Diaw and Eddie House into studs? It is a joy to
watch his team play basketball.

Portland Trail Blazers, Nate McMillan: C-
Poor Nate, I hope Paul Allen's money was worth it. Sure, Portland is a
hodepodge of talent but some key pieces are there to form an OK club
(see the Bucks or Hornets for how to do it right). But McMillan has
been tinkering too much for his own good. Injuries have hurt but
spreading out all the minutes has given this team no identity or
reliable forces. Weak.

Sacramento Kings, Rock Adelman: C-
Maybe it's just been too long. Maybe it's just time to move on. The
Kings have been in a slow downward spiral ever since losing Game 7 to
the Lakers in 2002. Adelman now has less overall talent but many key
pieces. The players are bitching, the losses are piling up at home, and
the Kings are struggling to make the playoffs.

San Antonio Spurs, Greg Popovich: A
The Spurs are a machine right now. Parker is coming into his own in a
major way, the well-known reserves are doing as asked, and Duncan is
Duncan. The Ginobili floundering (start or 6th man?) needs to stop and
the center position is still a joke. But that won't stop the Spurs.

Seattle Sonics, Bob Hill: D+
Well, so much for Walt Weiss. He earned a "D" anyway. Bob Hill is not
much better. How another over-the-hill coach with a spotty record gets
another head coaching job is typical NBA ownership stupidity. Hill has
tried to fix the line-up and failed. And he was exposed as a joker when
Ray Allen was suspended for 3 games, and Hill's squad lost all 3 games
by an average of 18 points. Next!

Utah Jazz, Jerry Sloan: B
Sloan is a tough motherfucker. The Jazz are in the thick of it because
he has them balling well. AK-47 and Boozer still miss tons of games but
the Jazz are winning, not losing like last year. His team is playing
hard and beating teams they really should not defeat.

THE LARRY BROWN CON JOB

2006-01-19T22:18:00.000-08:00

How he weasled out of Detroit, tricked the media, suckered the Knicks, and is currently throwing games.

I said it as soon as Isiah Thomas flashed his oh-so-cute smile to the New York media this summer about his supposed genius hiring of Larry Brown: one of the greatest scams in basketball history. I'm just glad members of the media, like Sports Illustrated are finally willing to speak up about it.

The constant ebb and flow of media popularity of coaches happened to peak perfectly for Larry Brown. Surely his ability to turn crappy team around is commendable but, can we all just admit this, a little played out at this point. You can’t even hear a word about Larry Brown without hearing about how he always makes a franchise successful eventually. Yeah, well, enough about his resume. Let’s focus on the “now.”

Just how fucking bad must a coach to get these Knicks to be 13-27? I submit it is so bad it is sabotage. As in, Larry Brown is purposefully having the Knicks lose. Yes, the coach wants the Knicks to lose. Is he throwing games? Effectively, he is. There, I said it.

Larry Brown is one smart motherfucker. He finally gets his ring with Detroit then knowingly starts flirting with the Cavaliers during a key Pistons playoff run last year. This was no accidental ploy or innocent flirtation on his part. He wanted out of Detroit. He knew there was no way he was going to be allowed to go to Cleveland and yet he tricked everyone into believing it. The man is a shrewd cat. Just how the fuck do you think he was going to be allowed to become the president of Cavs’ basketball operations when they compete in the same division as Detroit while he was still the coach of the Pistons? The Pistons organization and the NBA would have shut the deal down … in fact, they did! He pissed them off so much that they bought out his contract to let him go gently into the night, riding off into the sunset as a hero coach he got Detroit back into the rings game. Hey, no hard feelings, let’s just walk away from one another. Right? Oh, you dumb motherfuckers. Detroit was never known for being a hotbed of intelligence. The suckers not only got fingered in the ass by Brown, but they paid him to do so. Only in the NBA do you pay someone who you rightfully should fire.

Larry Brown duped everyone in Detroit, Cleveland, and the NBA and the media. He had his sights on New York all along. And he nailed the fucking job.

Can I get anyone to disagree with me that Isiah Thomas is a total moron? Seriously. The dude totally messes up the Raptors until the owners realize it and kick him out. He then proceeds to literally fuck over the entire CBA with smiles and bullshit. Those CBA owners are still out for blood. Then he takes over a Pacers squad that was in the Finals the year before under Larry Bird and proceeds to go 41-41 and 42-40 in his two seasons and never made it past the 1st round of the playoffs in 3 seasons. Indiana then woke up and fired his ass. Then, somehow, he becomes GM of the Knicks. God help us. (I will now spare you my opinions of the obviously moronic moves Thomas has made with the Knicks).

Larry Brown saw a golden opportunity in New York and a wide-eyed dumb fool in Isiah Thomas. Of course Isiah was going to go after Larry Brown. Of course Brown was going to be offered a king’s ransom. Isiah had shown everyone that the cash was flowing and all NY wanted was to win, win, WIN! Kudos to you, Larry Brown, but that play was too easy, even for you. Gee, Larry Brown says he was not even thinking of coaching any more. He says he just wanted to relax and be with his kids. "I don't see myself coaching again next year," Brown said Yeah, right, no 60-year old dude with a 8-year old kid wants to hang out at home with that little fucker. Any Knicks fan who is a dad smelled the bullshit 8 million miles away. And, so, Larry got paid. And Isiah smiled. Again.

Currently, the Knicks are 13-27. In a totally shitty division. With players that most teams would kill to have on their squad. Playing in an arena that used to be a major home court advantage. Goddamn if Herb Williams could not have this team at least with 15 wins by now. Goddamn if Herb Brooks could not have 15 wins by now. And that cat coached hockey. And he’s dead. Coach Brown moves players like cattle in and out of the lineup. He makes backhanded comments at his players at every opportunity. He has consistently placed the wrong mix of players on the floor in crucial periods. And the Knicks are not just losing but losing badly. Go ahead and tell me that the current Knicks coash is one of the greatest coaches of all time. Look me in the eye and say “yes, Coach Larry Brown is earning his paycheck.” Shit, I dare you to tell me that he is out-coaching even one other NBA coach! Forget his salary, forget his history for just one minute. The current Knicks coach sucks based on the coaching he has done as the Knicks coach. You think if Herb Williams were 13-27 that he’d still be coach? Puh-lease. I have dingleberries with more wins than the Knicks.

So back to my theory that Brown is throwing games. Is it out and out cheating to make his team lose? No, not in that sense. But is it a coach knowingly secure in his job and paycheck basically fucking around and not concerned about winning games nightly? Yes. He has the luxury of toying with players and fans to actually set the bar so low that he forces the Knicks to dump players he does not like. And he gets to use the changes and inheritance of these so-called bad players as an excuse to lose night and night out.

Ask yourself this one question: if Larry Brown was a young, hungry 35 year-old desperate to make his first stint coaching in the NBA, would the Knicks be 13-27? NO FUCKING WAY. Instead, he’d be buddying up to use Marbury’s talents rather than alienate his star player. He’d be installing consistency amongst his starters and using his deep bench to create a hellacious second unit. He’d be crafting strategy to maximize his players rather than forcing his players to minimize his own style of play.

You wanna know who the Larry Brown scenario is going to play out? I said 6 months ago and I’ll say it again now for all to hear loud and clear: Larry Brown is going to coach the Knicks to a losing record in his first year. He will use the popular tactic of indirectly hinting that his players are not smart enough or just don’t yet understand “what it takes to win.” Because, shit, only Larry Brown knows how to win. Of course, many players will come and go, supposedly players Brown wants; “Larry Brown kind of players.” Then, at the start of the 2006—2007 season, Larry Brown will start to miss games due to “health reasons.” (remember Detroit?) No one can fault a man for making sure he does not drop dead, right? Then, Larry Brown will quit the Knicks for “medical reasons.” And the Knicks will do the honorable thing and pay him for the full year plus buy out his remaining contract. Everyone will smile and cry a bit and say “gee, if only Larry Brown was in good health, we could have turned this around!” And Isiah will get another year on life to continue to fool people that he has a brain rather than rocks in his head.

New York, you’ve just been fucked. Let’s just see how long it takes for everyone to realize it.

Mr. West

You Can't Handle the Vote? Or Can You?

2006-01-19T22:15:00.000-08:00

Oh Shit! The Fans Know Something!

Since it is a known fact that NBA All-Star votes are a popularity contest, it would be pretty stupid of any savvy media member of blogger to critique the fan choices too seriously. But have you seen the vote tallies lately? Gotta say that the fans have been showing off some hoops knowledge I never thought they had.

With the glowing exception of CFR (That's "Crazy Fucking Ron" Artest to you) and Grant Hill garnering more votes than Paul Pierce, Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard in Eastern Conference forwards, I think the fans have done a good job for the most part. Dudes like Camby, Okur, Gasol, Tony Parker, and Billups were shown some love I did not think the masses had it in their hearts. And it is pretty hard to argue against the top vote-getters who will be starters. Maybe I am being condescending or overly negative but I expected the fans to exhibit an open love affair for only well-known names that the media has put into the their heads over the years. Or maybe it’s just that the new school of NBA players has finally pushed the big names of the early 90’s (think Webber, Hill, Francis, Payton) in their place both on the court and in the fans’ minds. Heck, even Yao beat out Shaq before Shaq fled to Miami.

Mr. West

An NBA Carol

2005-12-20T07:06:00.000-08:00

The television flickered in the dim twilight of my living room. Another evening at home, denying the wintery forces at work outside my window. An empty Styrofoam container on the coffee table, the remains of my Jamaican takeout, and the sports page, tattered and read over multiple times, were the only signs of life on this particular night.

The droning of the television made me sleepy and I could hardly keep my eyes open as Reggie Miller tried to make a December matchup between the Raptors and Bucks bearable. His voice seemed to hypnotize me as I sat slouched on the sofa with a scowl and drooping eyelids.

Rafael Araujo foul…..T.J. Ford missed shot….Jamaal Magloire offensive board….T.J. Ford misses again…..Calderon on the break dishes to Mo Pete…..turnover…..Michael Redd feeds Bogut in the post…..another Araujo foul….zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

……………………..What??!!!!!!

I suddenly awoke to a horrible caterwauling. My head on a swivel, and my eyes darting around the room, I shook in terror. What was that awful racket? I grimaced and shrank where I sat as I realized the horrible din of Stephen A. Smith’s mighty and idiotic ranting. Click. Off with the television. I mumbled to myself, “The NBA sucks….bah, humbug.”

The clock struck twelve and I stirred slightly in my sleep. Several hours of contorted sleep had left me twisted and even grumpier than before. I rubbed my eyes and forced myself upright on the couch again. Half asleep and foul as filth, I stared bitterly at the now silent television. All that remained of my unpleasant night of NBA “entertainment” was a haunting flashback of Bill Walton’s face smirking and babbling unintelligibly.

Click.

The television suddenly came to life. After a brief hum and a dull blue glow, a blurred and ghostly image emerged. I pinched myself to see if I was completely awake. Seemed to be. A face appeared, giving shape to the apparition. In my confusion I initially mistook this countenance as the likeness of former Bulls GM Jerry Krause, but soon realized that it was a far ghastlier and sinister visage. It was none other than the ghost of David Stern!

“What’s your problem with my league?”, he uttered cheerfully, with a slight sense of condescension in his voice.

I sat dumbfounded.

“What’s not to like about an internationally popular product? The finest athletes in the world competing in some of the most exciting cities in the United States.”

Was he speaking to me?

“Yes. Mr. East. It’s to you that I’m posing this inquiry. What’s not to like about highlight reel plays, and great musical acts, all under the same roof, and in your living room every night?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”, I retorted, “You call those guys the finest athletes in the world? You call Charlotte, North Carolina, Salt Lake City, and Milwaukee some of the most exciting cities in the world? You’re on something, man.”

“Hmmmm. You can please all of the people all of the time.”

“You know what Sterny-boy? That’s your problem.” I added, “ You are trying to please all the people, all the time. No one who loves this sport could give two shits about Nelly at halftime, or what the players are wearing entering and leaving the arena. Most of all, no one cares about half the so-called teams you trot out there passing for competitive franchises. Your game plain sucks. Bah humbug.”

Stern’s forehead wrinkled and he paused for a moment shaking his head. “You are a lost soul, Mr. East. You ask for too much. The start of the NBA season is a time to appreciate what you have. You have lost your sense of what this league means to millions of people all over the world. What would your winter be like without the glorious NBA? You shall soon find out….You will find new hope and a chance for redemption tonight.”

I guffawed. Yeah, right.

"You will be haunted," resumed the ghost of Stern, "by Three Spirits."

My countenance fell almost as low as the ghost's had done.

"Is that the chance and hope you mentioned, Davey Boy?" I demanded, in a faltering voice.

"It is."

"I -- I think I'd rather not," I said.

"Without their visits," said the ghost, "you cannot hope to shun the path of apathy. Expect the first tomorrow, when the bell tolls one."

"Couldn't I take `em all at once, and have it over, Sterno?" I hinted.

"Expect the second on the next night at the same hour. The third upon the next night when the last stroke of twelve has ceased to vibrate. Look to see me no more; and look that, for your own sake, you remember what has passed between us!"

A horrible day of waiting followed. Coffee tasted bland and stale. All the newsstands seemed sold out of the new edition, and a bitter wind burned my face, taunting me. I could swear that it spoke…..”Yes! And it counts!!”, and “Oh….a spectacular move by Michael Jordan.” Could I be hallucinating?

As the moments drew near to one, I sleepily settled into my favorite armchair. “Ha. There are no ghosts and there was definitely something funny in that Jamaican takeout yesterday.” I said to myself.

The clock struck one and a mist rose from the floor at my feet. I shuddered and begged for forgiveness as a full bodied spirit sprang from the mist. My terror was instantly replaced by a feeling of whimsy. I don’t often get “whimsy” but I can’t explain it any differently, so live with it.

A man stood before me, in monochrome black and white. He wore leather kneepads and extremely short shorts. Clearly he was something out of the “cager” era of basketball and a living monument to the set shot and the three-man weave.

“Hey. What’s with the Nancy-boy outfit.”, I offered mockingly.

BLOW!!!! A solid punch to the jaw sent me reeling. CRASH!!! Another elbow to the chin had me seeing stars.

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. East. I’m the Ghost of NBA Past. A member of the “Original Celtics” club. Do you have any idea what I’m talking about, or has you mind been so rotted by MTV and Miller Lite that your are unable to recall anything beyond 10 minutes of your most recent history.”

Fearing another violent reprisal I remained seated on the floor rubbing my jaw. “I follow you well enough tough guy. What are you here for?”

“Well, you long for a better brand of basketball, and I’m here to bring it to you, lad. Let’s take a look at basketball in my day, and you’ll learn a thing or two about the real meaning of the NBA.”

The television came to life with a sepia glow and I watched transfixed as barnstorming white guys in hot pants bobbed and weaved like chickens. Underhanded free throws and bountiful chest passes abounded and I grew dizzy from watching.

“What the fuck do you call that mess?”, I asked.

POW!!! Another solid shot to the nose. I reeled, but I saw that one coming and managed to take the punch like a man. A little blood trickled from my nose and I sneered at the ghost for a moment.

“You’re trying to tell me that I should appreciate that crap?”, I asked. “I’m sorry. No disrespect intended, but I was thinking a little more about the Clyde Frazier Knicks when I pined for an era of basketball lost in the past. Not you lot of dinosaurs and your shorts with belts. Begone! Bah humbug!”, I shouted.

“Very well”, said the ghost, “perhaps the next ghost will snap you out of your stupor”

And with that, he was gone.

The next night, the mist rose again, and I wondered what horror awaited me. The sight of hoop-themed ghouls was becoming old hat and it was going to take more than a dusty old cager to rattle me tonight.

“YO!!! Don’t you eyeball me mother fucker!!!”

I fell to the ground shivering as a full 7 foot terror loomed above me. It’s face was turned into a horrible screw and darts shot from it’s eyes pinning me to the floor.

“Yeah, boy. Stay down there and show me some mother fuckin’ respect.”

My eyes peeked upward to take a closer look at the giant. I noticed a terri cloth headband around the beast’s head, and realized that I was being visited by a foul and wretched likeness of Clifford Robinson. Yup, Uncle Cliffy was in the house.

Fear having been replaced by admiration and respect I stood.

“Wow. Uncle Cliffy in my living room. The NBA is fantastic after all!” I beamed.

“Glad to see your sorry ass is coming around.”, he answered.

“Well, I wouldn’t say I’m coming around, but I am wondering what you of all people are doing here.”

Cliff reared back and laughed maniacally. He rubbed his chin and answered, “ I am the last living player from the 1980’s, Mr. East. I am all that’s left of Showtime.”

With that, the two of us shared some wicked Jamaican takeout and watched highlights of the 1987 Finals between the Lakers and the Celtics. I had started to come around to the league a bit, when Cliffy chimed in, “Y’know what, man? I’m getting’ real tired of hearing your pissing and moaning about watered down leagues and expansion crazy commissioners. Can’t you let more of us get ours, man?”

I thought for a moment before saying, “You have a point Uncle C, but here’s the thing. I’d rather see Chris Paul paired with Paul Pierce and Dwight Howard than divided between a bunch of shit ass teams. If it means that you are out of a job a few years earlier so be it.”

Cliff frowned and rose up again. He scowled and shook. “You are a jaded and spiteful fan, Mr. East. What have we done over all these years to have you treat us so unappreciatively? Perhaps Commissioner Stern is right. It’s too late for you. Only the last ghost will have a chance to redeem you.”

With that he was gone.

I spent the next 24 hours contemplating my stance on the league. Uncle Cliffy had a point. The weird old cager also showed me that the current game is far more watchable than whatever that game was they used to call basketball when Dr. Naismith hung the peach basket on the wall.

Time flew and the mist once again rose……the final ghost was a face I didn’t recognize and I swiftly introduced myself.

“I’m Mr. East. Who the Hell are you?”

“Heh. You don’t know me yet son, but you’d better watch your tongue or I’ll make sure this NBA experience is your last. I am the final ghost after all. Your last chance. The ghost of NBA future. You can call me O.J. Mayo, point guard of the future.”

“Ooooh.”, I actually said out loud. I have a weakness for a good point guard. “Tell me O.J., what is in store for the league in the future that I should be all excited about?”

The apparition paused and smirked. He laughed to himself a bit and finally replied, “Me. You should be excited about me you punk ass bitch. I’m the future. Like it or leave it. I run, shoot, pass, and play defense. The league is filled with guys like me and the game is producing ballers from all corners of the world. Stick with this game, or miss out on all the fun.”

I had to ask one more time, “What about the teams in all the shitty towns around the US? What about the halftime shows and the corporate sell out shit? What about the guys that only come to play in their contract years? What does it all mean O.J.”

The ghost again smirked and then shrugged his shoulders. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see. The thing is, isn’t it all worth it? All the circus shit? Isn’t that what sells papers and keeps you writing your blog? Think about a future without all that….”

And with that, he was gone.

Dawn came and I still had no answer. Unlike Scrooge, I was not transformed. Would I be damned to an eternity of apathy? Perhaps not. I managed to pick up the remote and catch the pre-game show on TNT. Why not? I hear the Nets are on and Uncle Cliffy just might get some burn.

Merry Christmas and God Bless Us All……Everyone…..

Game....Blouses......

2005-12-18T05:26:00.000-08:00

This is the funniest basketball story ever told.

Game.....blouses......

Check out the gams on Kobe!

2005-12-10T21:45:00.001-08:00

Do you remember the ad Joe Namath did wearing pantyhose? Well...

Can any one of you tell me what the f&^% is up with the tights Kobe is wearing this year? And what's with the wacky acid trip kicks he's sporting? Has he lost his f*%^&ing mind? He looks like one of those guys you see out on Melrose or at the Promenade near Santa Monica pier. His shoes look like roller blades and those tights are like crazy man pants. He should be selling oranges and shouting incoherently at people passing by......

Basically, he's the NBA's fashion equivalent of "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski.

Mr. East

I'm not sure what Mr. East's fucking problem with Kobe's sassy leggings is, but I suspect it has to do with a traumatic experience he had with an 8th grade field trip to see Cats.

Growing up in the 70's and 80's, if some dude was sporting tights like this you'd basically figure him to be slightly retarded or running late to ballet. At some point in the early 90's, around the time dudes started to shave all their body hair and put mousse in their hair on a regular basis, athletes started rocking tights now and then as a sign of sports excellence. But this was mainly runners and fringe sports. Soon, though, as mainstream sports athletes started to adopt the workouts and styles of cutting edge sports, they embraced the tights. But basketball? That shit is fucked up.

Kobe is a bitch, we all agree on that, right? A psychologist could most likely easily diagnose his marriage at age 21 rather than playing the field as any man in his right mind would do in that situation, rape/assault/dirty fuck of a girl in Colorado, and now sporting tights as obvious sexuality issues as he struggles to be a "man." He wants so badly to be Jordan but just does not get it-- Kobe is an unlikable asshole.

How the hell one can ball in tights is beyond me. I suspect the real reasons why Kobe sports the spandex look are two-fold: 1) he played well in them once and players believe they will keep playing well if they adhere to sticking to the same routine; and 2) he wants to draw attention to himself and hopefully spark a new trend that he can claim he started. Uh, not gonna happen, Kobe.

I just wonder how the NBA dress code fines Kyle Korver tons of $$$ but lets Kobe wear tights? I guess that’s corporate bureaucracy for ya’.

Mr. West