Antoine Walker Gets Robbed ... Hilarious!

"It's the first Antoine Walker story where multiple random shots weren't involved."
"How did Antonie Walker prevent the robber from getting a shot off?"
"The Celtics hired the gunmen to reclaim money Walker previously stole."
"Walker reportedly told police he would have kept shooting until he hit something. Or even if he didn't."


CHICAGO (AP) -- Miami Heat forward Antoine Walker's home in Chicago was robbed Monday, the player's agent said.

Police and witnesses said two offenders held Walker and at least one other person at gunpoint during the robbery, Chicago broadcasters reported from the scene in the city's River North neighborhood Monday night.

Walker's agent, Mark Bartelstein, confirmed the incident took place but said he could not give specific details.

"He's OK," Bartelstein told The Associated Press. "There was a robbery. It's a scary thing. It's a terrible thing. He's trying to get himself back together. Police are there and he's getting it taken care of."

Sonics & Celtics Get their Trade Shit On

Celtics get: Ray Allen and the #35 pick
Sonics get: Jeff Green, Delonte West, and Wally World

Mr. East says ... It's tough to trade one of the best players in the league. You never get fair value back. I remember the Sixers traded Charles Barkley for Jeff Hornacek, Andrew Lang, and one of the NBA stiffs named Perry. Maybe Tim. Ray Allen instantly teams with Paul Pierce and Al Jefferson as the best threesome in the East. The Celtics are a Finals contender and only need to figure out which of their billion point guards are going to control this mess. They also need to hope someone will step up to play center consistently. I think they have a few strong candidates, including Kendrick Perkins.

Detractors say that Allen and Pierce will need more than one ball to keep them happy. To those people I say, "Didn't Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker play well together?" There is no bigger chucker in basketball than Antoine Walker. Allen and Pierce are both fairly efficient players and Pierce is a very nice distributor. If anything Allen's presence outside will help Pierce raise his FG% next season and take it to the rack.

The Sonics are headed in a different direction with a great new GM from the "young and dynamic" school of front office management. They are dumping all ties to the past and retooling for a few years down the road. They'll swing some kind of sign-and-trade for Rashard and now have Allen off the books. Reports have the Sonics trying to keep Lewis, but I don't think he wants to be back. Look for Luke Ridnour to be an Atlanta Hawk before July is over. This team will look very different going forward with Kevin Durant the main man. I like the idea, but I think they should have gotten more for Ray Allen than this.

"Say, you heard the one about a coach and a GM that are so shitty they get paid $2 million a year to ruin their franchise? Hilarious!"

Green will be a good pro and West is already a very tough player on both ends of the floor, but Ray Allen had to be worth two picks from someone. They should have demanded Gerald Green as a part of the package at least.

Mr. West says ...
Being a Sonics fan, and perhaps the only one in NYC, I gotta say I was torn on this draft news. Ray Allen is the best shooitng guard in the NBA. Period. The dude has the sickest and quickest release plus his offensive game is more balanced than people think. Basically, he is a shorter Paul Pierce with a better shot. So I did not want to see him go. And I still think it is a mistake.

Here are the key takeaways from the trade:
A. All this talk of Ray Allen being injured and old and useless is overblown bullshit. The dude can ball. Celtics fans have not seen a shooter like Ray-Ray since, well, you-know-who. Years of 'Toine chucking shots has ruined their reality.
B. Jeff Green is a reach at #5 for the next couple of years but he will develop into a better NBA player than college. The Hoyas restricted him somewhat. Still, he does not have the true explosive athleticism you need at #5. He is a little too stiff.
C. Wally Szczerbiak must have signed a deal with the devil. Not only did he get a $61 million deal from the T-Wolves before being dumped on the Celtics, he now is handed the starting shooting guard slot for the Sonics where fans and owners have zero expectations.
D. Why the fuck did the GM lil' Petris take on that Wally contract?
E. Delonte West has a decent game is he gets playing time.
F. Little Lukey Ridnour needs to be shipped for the good of the team and his own career. Early Watson shoots better, defends better and so does Delonte West.
G. The Celtics have a bunch of losers playing point (Telfair, Rondo?), hysterical contracts at center (Olowakandi and Ratliff), big kids playing forward (Jefferson, Big Baby, Perkins) and then Pierce and Ray-Ray. Having 3 positions plugged with NBA back-ups is unwise, as is relying on the health of both Pierce and Ray-Ray.
H. How many damn games does Ray-Ray and Pierce play together this season? 60? I'd like to see that over/under.

Oh, little Telfair. Even the Celtics don't want you. Life sucks when you peak at 17. Nice watch, though. Might wanna eBay that shit about now.

At the end of the day, I think the Celtics improve the most but at what cost? Danny Ainge better have a few deals in the works to make this team win 40+ games even in the pathetic East. If he is relying on Al Jefferson to become solid and his two all-stars to kill it nightly, well, good fucking luck. Ainge is the genius behind the Sebastian Telfair orchestration, 'nuf said.

And for the Sonics, the West is brutal for them. Durant might be the One. But they do need a guard who can consistently score plus a 7-footer who can actually play the game (unlike their magical string of stiffs going back to Rich King, Jim Macilvaine and Ervin Johnson). But they seem to be creating a unit centered around versatile small forwards who have more skills than the opponents. Not bad in theory, I suppose. Still, this team leaves Seattle next year and Rashard Lewis is still up in the air so who the fuck cares about the 2007-2008 season for them anyway since they don't themselves.

Knicks & Trailblazers Freebase As One!

The Portland TrailBlazers get: Steve Francis and Channing Frye
The NY Knickerbockers get: Zach Randolph, Dan Dickau, and Fred Jones

Mr. East says ...
The Blazers must be smoking some of that herb that Randolph left behind. Steve Francis is going to play where? You have Brandon Roy, Jarrett Jack, and Sergio Rodriguez. He'll come off the cap in the near future, so they will eventually get more big money to spend in free agency. Channing Frye is a talented player, but last year showed that he isn't comfortable playing next to a guy who dominates the post. Frye took a step back when paired with Eddy Curry last year and now he'll be stuck in a logjam with Oden and Aldridge. It just doesn't make any sense to me.


The Knicks, on the other hand, score one of the best low post scorers in the game. Randolph has issues that won't get any better playing in ultra-intense New York City but he is gifted and young. The main question is how he will fit in with a similar offensive player in Curry on the block. Randolph is versatile enough to shoot from mid-range, so he might just find a comfort zone. His rebounding is the main bonus. Randolph is everything on the boards that Curry most certainly is not. Curry's work around the glass on offense will be complimented a lot by Randolph's offensive board work. Add David Lee, Wilson Chandler, and possibly Randolph Morris, into that mix and the Knicks will be very tough to rebound against. That's key. The addition of Dickau and Jones, two decent players off the bench, complicates playing time for Nate Robinson, Jamal Crawford, Quentin Richardson, Mardy Collins, and Jared Jeffries. Where the frontcourt depth looks good, the backcourt depth is a mess. A potential train wreck.

Another problem that will rear its ugly head is that with Randolph and Curry the Knicks probably have the softest interior defense in the league. Look at the blocks per minute numbers for those two guys. Ugly. Also, neither of them pass a lick. Both Curry and Randolph are the 2 assists per game variety big men, who suck the ball up like a black hole when it comes in to them. Good players everywhere, terrible team building. They need to trade some of these guys for better fitting parts even if the talent they get back in return is of lesser quality.

Mr. West says ...

This trade is sorta like watching two non-boxers try to box: at first, you kinda wanna see anything go down but then you basically realize that hacks don't make for good sport. With all the trade analysis, here is what jumps out at me:

A. Two disinterested fat shits in Zach and Eddie won't earn the love of New York. The City wants players who hustle, scrap and attack. Maybe years of Allan Houston wimpiness and Starbury ego tripping has softened Knicks fans up.
B. Portland did themselves a favor by clearing out some room in the backcourt to force more playing time and space for their younger ballers like Roy.
C. Isiah dumped Stevie Franchise (Killer)'s contract. Yes, only in the NBA do other GM's willfully take on monster deals that kill cap space. Always another sucker. So Isiah just pulled his best move as a GM right there. Wow, Isiah is not retarded! (just stupid).
D. Zach must have been despised by Portland management. Portland took on Steve Francis knowing he will make $16.4 million in 2007-08 and $17.1 million in 2008-09. Wow, they must have HATED Zach Randolph to accept these concrete shoes. Normal media outlets call this stuff "off court issues" while I call it being a world-class asshole. Either way, the team had enough of this prick.
E. We will all quickly find out if a team can or cannot succeed with a huge low-post center and Zach on the floor at the same time.
F. Fred Jones has skills but adds more shooting guard issues to the Knicks bench. Someone has to be cut or traded from that scene.
G. LaMarcus Aldridge is going to have a (relatively) monster year-- he will bust out like the Dwight Howard of the West. Portland must be banking on that.
H. The "Eddie Curry Line" may now be titled the "Eddie & Zach Line". Can these Beef Brothers of the 21st Century actually have more blocks, assists and steals than turnovers? Let the betting begin.


Overall, I think both teams will improve over last year. The Knicks have a starting 5 of Curry, Zach, Marbury, Crwford and Quentin Richardson with David Lee as the 6th man. Despite their shitty coach and terrible chemistry they HAVE to win some games in the East, even if by accident. Portland is in the West, which means being realistic and planning ahead. So, in the long run, Portland fairs better just because they have Oden and because Francis' contract will come off the books in 2 years.

You just know what Zach is thinking: fuck if I care where I play as long as I can hit the buffets at strip joints after the game!