THE LARRY BROWN CON JOB

How he weasled out of Detroit, tricked the media, suckered the Knicks, and is currently throwing games.

I said it as soon as Isiah Thomas flashed his oh-so-cute smile to the New York media this summer about his supposed genius hiring of Larry Brown: one of the greatest scams in basketball history. I'm just glad members of the media, like Sports Illustrated are finally willing to speak up about it.

The constant ebb and flow of media popularity of coaches happened to peak perfectly for Larry Brown. Surely his ability to turn crappy team around is commendable but, can we all just admit this, a little played out at this point. You can’t even hear a word about Larry Brown without hearing about how he always makes a franchise successful eventually. Yeah, well, enough about his resume. Let’s focus on the “now.”

Just how fucking bad must a coach to get these Knicks to be 13-27? I submit it is so bad it is sabotage. As in, Larry Brown is purposefully having the Knicks lose. Yes, the coach wants the Knicks to lose. Is he throwing games? Effectively, he is. There, I said it.

Larry Brown is one smart motherfucker. He finally gets his ring with Detroit then knowingly starts flirting with the Cavaliers during a key Pistons playoff run last year. This was no accidental ploy or innocent flirtation on his part. He wanted out of Detroit. He knew there was no way he was going to be allowed to go to Cleveland and yet he tricked everyone into believing it. The man is a shrewd cat. Just how the fuck do you think he was going to be allowed to become the president of Cavs’ basketball operations when they compete in the same division as Detroit while he was still the coach of the Pistons? The Pistons organization and the NBA would have shut the deal down … in fact, they did! He pissed them off so much that they bought out his contract to let him go gently into the night, riding off into the sunset as a hero coach he got Detroit back into the rings game. Hey, no hard feelings, let’s just walk away from one another. Right? Oh, you dumb motherfuckers. Detroit was never known for being a hotbed of intelligence. The suckers not only got fingered in the ass by Brown, but they paid him to do so. Only in the NBA do you pay someone who you rightfully should fire.

Larry Brown duped everyone in Detroit, Cleveland, and the NBA and the media. He had his sights on New York all along. And he nailed the fucking job.

Can I get anyone to disagree with me that Isiah Thomas is a total moron? Seriously. The dude totally messes up the Raptors until the owners realize it and kick him out. He then proceeds to literally fuck over the entire CBA with smiles and bullshit. Those CBA owners are still out for blood. Then he takes over a Pacers squad that was in the Finals the year before under Larry Bird and proceeds to go 41-41 and 42-40 in his two seasons and never made it past the 1st round of the playoffs in 3 seasons. Indiana then woke up and fired his ass. Then, somehow, he becomes GM of the Knicks. God help us. (I will now spare you my opinions of the obviously moronic moves Thomas has made with the Knicks).

Larry Brown saw a golden opportunity in New York and a wide-eyed dumb fool in Isiah Thomas. Of course Isiah was going to go after Larry Brown. Of course Brown was going to be offered a king’s ransom. Isiah had shown everyone that the cash was flowing and all NY wanted was to win, win, WIN! Kudos to you, Larry Brown, but that play was too easy, even for you. Gee, Larry Brown says he was not even thinking of coaching any more. He says he just wanted to relax and be with his kids. "I don't see myself coaching again next year," Brown said Yeah, right, no 60-year old dude with a 8-year old kid wants to hang out at home with that little fucker. Any Knicks fan who is a dad smelled the bullshit 8 million miles away. And, so, Larry got paid. And Isiah smiled. Again.

Currently, the Knicks are 13-27. In a totally shitty division. With players that most teams would kill to have on their squad. Playing in an arena that used to be a major home court advantage. Goddamn if Herb Williams could not have this team at least with 15 wins by now. Goddamn if Herb Brooks could not have 15 wins by now. And that cat coached hockey. And he’s dead. Coach Brown moves players like cattle in and out of the lineup. He makes backhanded comments at his players at every opportunity. He has consistently placed the wrong mix of players on the floor in crucial periods. And the Knicks are not just losing but losing badly. Go ahead and tell me that the current Knicks coash is one of the greatest coaches of all time. Look me in the eye and say “yes, Coach Larry Brown is earning his paycheck.” Shit, I dare you to tell me that he is out-coaching even one other NBA coach! Forget his salary, forget his history for just one minute. The current Knicks coach sucks based on the coaching he has done as the Knicks coach. You think if Herb Williams were 13-27 that he’d still be coach? Puh-lease. I have dingleberries with more wins than the Knicks.

So back to my theory that Brown is throwing games. Is it out and out cheating to make his team lose? No, not in that sense. But is it a coach knowingly secure in his job and paycheck basically fucking around and not concerned about winning games nightly? Yes. He has the luxury of toying with players and fans to actually set the bar so low that he forces the Knicks to dump players he does not like. And he gets to use the changes and inheritance of these so-called bad players as an excuse to lose night and night out.

Ask yourself this one question: if Larry Brown was a young, hungry 35 year-old desperate to make his first stint coaching in the NBA, would the Knicks be 13-27? NO FUCKING WAY. Instead, he’d be buddying up to use Marbury’s talents rather than alienate his star player. He’d be installing consistency amongst his starters and using his deep bench to create a hellacious second unit. He’d be crafting strategy to maximize his players rather than forcing his players to minimize his own style of play.

You wanna know who the Larry Brown scenario is going to play out? I said 6 months ago and I’ll say it again now for all to hear loud and clear: Larry Brown is going to coach the Knicks to a losing record in his first year. He will use the popular tactic of indirectly hinting that his players are not smart enough or just don’t yet understand “what it takes to win.” Because, shit, only Larry Brown knows how to win. Of course, many players will come and go, supposedly players Brown wants; “Larry Brown kind of players.” Then, at the start of the 2006—2007 season, Larry Brown will start to miss games due to “health reasons.” (remember Detroit?) No one can fault a man for making sure he does not drop dead, right? Then, Larry Brown will quit the Knicks for “medical reasons.” And the Knicks will do the honorable thing and pay him for the full year plus buy out his remaining contract. Everyone will smile and cry a bit and say “gee, if only Larry Brown was in good health, we could have turned this around!” And Isiah will get another year on life to continue to fool people that he has a brain rather than rocks in his head.

New York, you’ve just been fucked. Let’s just see how long it takes for everyone to realize it.

Mr. West