Latrell Sprewell . Poor Spree, my heart goes out to him. Granted, my heart is stuck in the Knick season when they made it to the Finals and he appeared in And 1 ads as an “American Hero,” but I like the guy. Until Mr. East proposed we explore Latrell’s options, the last I had thought him was this summer when someone offered my the spinning rim version of his sneaker to use in a pick0up game….I shed a tear that day.
Good options for Spree and the team he plays for:
Phoenix Suns- Hell, the Suns were ideal for Spree of 8 years ago. So why not take a 2005 version anyway as a bench player who can score? He can pull up and hit better than James “I’m no Q Richardson” Jones. The Suns need scorers who can do a little everything and Spree has that in him. Plus, he can now pretend to play defense and that is accepted by everyone since it’s the Suns system. Plus Phoenix fans are ambivalent about everything so no bad local press.
Sacramento Kings- Sacto used to be deep but now they are rail thin. Go ahead and name their bench, please. Good luck. Enter Spree. The Kings need to score and Spree can kinda do that. Plus he has some savvy vet skills the youngsters on the pine need to know. And if they took Bonzi they can tolerate Spree. Finally, Sacto fans live on an island where they love the Kings no matter what they will embrace his ass.
Real bad options for Spree and the team he plays for:
Houston Rockets- Oh, I think I’ve read some rumors of Van Gundy reaching out to Spree and his cornrow mullet. Someone better cap that shit before it makes us all look silly. The Rockets already have too many shooters with limited extras who fill holes when McGrady is hurt. Spree would make them all cringe in horror. Plus he very well might offend Yao 1,800 ways to Sunday … wait, maybe it is a good idea for the Rockets to get Spree to bring out the monster in Yao.
Atlanta Hawks- So supposedly Latrell said he’d like to play in Atlanta. I bet that just warmed Joe Johnson’s heart. Plus about 6 other young dudes on that squad looking for PT. Atlanta may ballsuck their way through this season but at least no useless veterans are spinning their wheels. Our main man Latrell sees a crappy team and thinks “hey, they suck, I can get some run there,” a la Kendall Gill in NJ in the late 90’s. No thanks, Latrell, they suck enough on their own.
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I have to agree with Mr. West on the Phoenix thing. Spree has lost a step and can’t play for a team that spends it’s offensive minutes in the half court. He also can’t defend the half court as well as he once did. On Phoenix that doesn’t matter. But, I won’t ride the coattails on this pick. Instead I’ll try my hand at a couple of other teams.
Good options for Spree and the team he plays for:
Washington Bullets- Yeah. I know. But Mr. West has me on the “Bullets” kick. Good call. Spree fits here to me. The Bullets are a team without a half court heavy offense, a thin rotation, and a need at shooting guard. Caron Butler is a 3, Antonio Daniels is a point guard, and the rest of the guys are bench material. The team isn’t so young that you need to worry about Latrell stealing time from a developing player, and he may actually bring you the extra toughness to get into the playoffs and win a round. Not that he’s going to do it by himself, but he’s kind of an electric enforcer personality that knows how to get to the rim, run the floor, and compliment Gilbert Arenas. How about a reunion of former Golden State players? Gil, Spree, and Antawn together in DC.
Dallas Mavericks- This is a team on a slow decline. I think they’re still good, but they are clearly the 3rd team in Texas now. No Nash. No Finley. Howard and Daniels are still inconsistent and incomplete players. Terry runs hot and cold. Enter Sprewell. Can’t you just see him chest-bumping Mark Cuban after big wins? That’s a match made in heaven. Cuban would probably think it was cool if Spree choked him. Toughness to go alongside Dirk, and a lot of pressure to produce would be lifted from the young guys. I think they’d actually thrive without the spotlight and responsibility on their shoulders.
Real bad options for Spree and the team he plays for:
Utah Jazz- At first I thought this was a great match. I almost made it one of my “good match” teams until I sobered up. Spree would get choked by Sloan, or he’d choke Carlos Boozer before he played 10 games. Sloan would call him out for dogging it, or dominating the ball and Spree would say, “Fuck you.” Sloan would beat him into the floor and all that would be left would be a bloody mess topped by cornrows. The other scenario would be Boozer in street clothes catching the ire of Spree. Spree would call Boozer a pussy, Boozer would say, “Fuck you.”, and all that would be left would be a bloody mess topped by chest hair. Forget Utah.
Toronto Raptors- As much as I’d like to see a starting 5 of Calderon, Spree, Rose, Villanueva, and Bosh re-enacting the 1991 Denver Nuggets, I think it would be too much to bear seeing Spree’s cornrows flowing in the breeze as he streaked down court wearing a purple dinosaur on his chest. Kind of a Bone, Thugs, and Harmony acid trip featuring Barney. By the way, do you remember the Paul Westhead Nuggets? Michael Adams with 26 and 11 assists per game? Orlando Woolridge dropping 25 night in and night out. Not pretty.
Good luck Latrell.
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